Disney Vacation

Disney VACATION????

I smirk as I write that because it's almost a laughable concept.....for a mom. Unless you and your husband are sneaking off to Disney sans kids (which, in my opinion, would be kind of mean and something for which you may never be forgiven) this is no vacation.

I had a good friend tell me long ago, "Moms don't get vacations--just changes of venue." This idea has helped me immensely over the years to just get over myself when taking trips with my kids. I don't look to these next 11 days (a week at Disney and then a few days in Naples) as a vacation. I think of them as a change of venue, and that makes all the difference.

You see, I'm not complaining or psyching myself out. I'm looking at reality. I will probably be working even harder as mom while at Disney World. I mean, young children who are sleeping in a strange place is enough to cause havoc at any time during the night. But add that to over stimulation, staying up way past bedtime, eating too much sugar, waiting in long lines, being around mobs of people, going from place to place at a 'much faster than usual' pace, being hot and tired, etc. and you get a recipe for disaster!! :)

So why go?? Why do we do this to ourselves as moms? I think we all know why.

All these things that make our life a little harder are sooooo worth the smiles when little ones see Mickey Mouse for the first time (I know I'm so excited about Cedar seeing his "Dickey Love" which is what he calls him.) And oh those little girls and their princesses--how their eyes light up at the sight of the castle.....the magic and the hope. And of course we can't forget that even the teenagers and tweens are just as excited about the roller coasters and excitement that is Disney.

There's nothing like it. I really do believe that it is "The Happiest Place on Earth."

One of my favorite pictures is from our last trip there....three years ago. It's a picture of Shepley, Cama-Jane and their cousin Lucy twirling with Belle. It's precious. The smiles on their faces are worth every ounce of effort it takes to get them all there and keep them happy!! :)

I love roller coasters. I love taking off with my big kids and riding the thrills and spills. Of course, I am thankful to have that luxury because my parents and brother and sister-in-law will be there as well. So while I'm on a few roller coasters, I'll be able to feel like this is a little bit of vacation. ;) But I have a two year old--my most active and challenging two year old yet! So I'm not sure who is going to be up for the challenge of hanging out with him much while I'm off riding the coasters!! Ha ha!!

Much preparation has gone into getting us ready for this trip. I made my list on Monday of everything that needed to be done this week before leaving in order to leave the house in some semblance of order. As I looked at all my checked off stuff last night (everything actually got done at some point in the week) I wondered how it could have all gotten done---and then unraveled again. Because the house doesn't really look like any semblance of order I had planned!! :) But clothes are packed and the car is cleaned out and I guess when it comes down to it, that's all that matters. The house will still be here when we return--messy as usual. But that's life with kids, I guess--especially six of them.

So soon I will head off on my "change of venue" with my six precious blessings and wonderful husband to meet up with my generous parents (who foot the bill) and my amazing brother, SIL, niece and nephews. Tomorrow we will pile in cars, strap in car seats, turn on DVD players, get out the games, pop out the ipods, and start the entertainment for the trip down. Snacks and sippy cups will abound. Excitement will be in the air as cousins and brothers and sisters will share all their plans for the next week at Disney.

And as much effort as it took to get to this point today and as much effort as it will take to get to where we need to be everyday for the next little bit, it will all be worth it!! It will be worth all the whining and fussing that will inevitably come. It will all be worth the tears that may show up. It will all be worth bad attitudes from teens and tweens who may not get exactly what they want. It will all be worth the patience that we must display as loving mothers and fathers. It will all be worth the late nights and middle of the night interruptions and early morning wake-up calls. Because we're going to.....

The Happiest Place on Earth!! 

And I wouldn't have it any other way!!

40 days of prayer for America

It's now 37 days until the election. Three days ago, the campaign "40 days of prayer for America" began. You can find them at this website or link to them on facebook at this site.

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."                           ~2 Chronicles 7:14

This is the premise on which this campaign was started. The promise is very easy to see. The audience to which he is speaking is easy to see as well. So many times, those of use who consider ourselves "His children" point our fingers at the culture and say "They are the problem." But God isn't expecting anything from them! We are the ones accountable. We are the ones who have been given the truth and have rejected it by compromising, not speaking boldly in love, sitting back and enjoying our comfortable life. We haven't served like Jesus served. We haven't loved like Jesus loved. We haven't sacrificed like Jesus sacrificed. The Christian life isn't a call to Easy Street. Jesus says that we must deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow him. (Luke 9:23) That's not what most of us do.

This cuts deep. Believe me. I'm right there with everyone else--not denying myself or taking up my cross! It's gotten easy to spout off our theological knowledge, sound good in Bible study and "work real hard" to do the right things.

For decades now, Christians have sat back and let the culture disintegrate before their very eyes. We sit in our beautiful churches on our comfortable pews or in our Bible studies with desserts and coffee--talking theology about how we should be salt and light, what we can do to make a difference, and discuss WWJD??

All the while there are hurting people. People walking right outside our churches--afraid to darken the doors because of the judgement they've felt there. People who are physically hungry, with no place to call home. People who have real hurts and real troubles. Some of them are actually sitting right there in our pews and Bible studies. And we usually don't even take the time to notice--and we don't want to notice because it's messy. Real life is messy. Real life sucks sometimes. Real life is hard and sad and unlovely a lot of the time! That's why as Christians, we can look forward to the wonderful promise of life eternal with Jesus!!

But that's not what this post was supposed to be about. If we look inside of our hearts, we know that we have left our first love. We may come back to him now and again, but on a day to day basis, most of us don't remember what it's like to really be in love with Jesus. And that's our call--to love him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. If we aren't doing that everyday, then this verse is for us--to humble ourselves and pray, seek his face, turn from our wicked ways.....

When we do that, he makes a promise. And God always keeps his promises. He will hear us from heaven, forgive our sin and heal our land. Wow! Do we need that??? And look, it has nothing to do with the unbelievers!! There's no conditions about them. We don't need to change them or get them to live "right." We don't need to change their views on gay marriage or even abortion. We don't need them to think the same way about the economy or war that we do. We don't have to worry about any of that. We won't change our land through laws or a different Commander in Chief.

Only Jesus can heal our land.

And all we have to do is pray--repent, turn from our wicked ways. We need to return to our first love and live like he lived, serve like he served, sacrifice like he sacrificed. Why? To earn God's affection? To make ourselves good enough to deserve our land to be healed and our sins to be forgiven? NO! If that was the case, we'd be in sad shape for sure! God calls us into relationship with him. That's what he desires. He wants us to recognize our need for him. He knows that the only way we will have true joy is to love him first, to put all of our hope and trust in him alone because everyone and everything else will fail. He commands to be the ONLY God. He commands that we have NO other idols. We have a lot of idols in America. I'm pretty sure he was thinking of modern day America (as well as Israel) when we was directing the author to write this.

So no matter what your political preference--if you are a child of God, I'm sure you're concerned about the state of our country. These 40 days of prayer are nothing about a certain candidate or political party. They are a calling of the Christians in our nation to turn back to their first love. Please join me and thousands of other Christians around the country in praying specifically for these things over the next days until the election--and beyond!

I believe with all my heart that God set the leader of our country where he is. I believe just as firmly that he has planned and set the next president as well. Personally, I don't think I can change that with my prayers. I believe these prayers are for the hearts of God's children. All we can do is open our own hearts, repent of our own sin, and seek his face ourselves. He will handle the land. He will control the leadership. He uses Christians and non-Christians alike to fulfill his purpose. So I can rest in the sovereignty of my Lord. I will do my part and vote for the people that I think will be most likely to carry out and represent my beliefs and values. And that's all I can do besides pray. And pray I will.

I encourage you to do the same.....

Why am I here?

I haven't posted anything in awhile. Call it busyness. Call it lack of desire. Call it apathy. Call it what you want. There are a million reasons why. It hasn't been for lack of thoughts to put down, but basically lack of time. I shouldn't be doing this right now either. Thursdays are the only days I have to clean. I take my oldest four to co-op and come home for 3 1/2 hours to clean bathrooms, clean the kitchen, sweep, mop and vacuum the house--all with two little ones underfoot. But that's all I have time for. So that's basically all the cleaning that gets done each week. There, I admitted it.

So I have no time to be doing THIS! But today I just needed to do it. As I was cleaning up the kitchen I picked up the newsletter from our old church in Naples that we still get in the mail. I was leafing through, reading little snippets, and just noticed the schedule of children's stuff. Things the children are studying in Sunday School and on Wednesday night. Nothing big. Just curriculum.

And I cried.
My heart ached. And the questioned called to me.... WHAT AM I DOING HERE???

I hesitate to write this because I don't want to offend anyone in Knoxville. I don't want to make comparisons or say one place is better than the other. But, for our family, it seems one is better than the other--and I'm at the wrong one. (In my eyes, of course.)

Even in the middle of this gorgeous fall weather here in East Tennessee....my mind is wandering back to my life in Naples. Good gracious, what am I thinking??? I know what it feels like in Naples right now!! Oppressive heat, icky sticky humidity, and the knowledge that it's still going to be awhile before that changes!! Weather is a huge determining factor in my moods--and it's not the warm weather that makes me happy!

So why in the world am I feeling this way??? Why in the world do I think I'd rather wake up Sunday morning and walk in to Covenant Church of Naples? It's not that the preaching or teaching is better. It's not that the worship is better. It's not even that the people are nicer (well, maybe they are a little nicer to me because I know them!!) :)

What I read in the Covenant newsletter is what I spent years praying for. I spent years praying (and a also a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears....well, maybe not blood....) for a place where my children could grow, flourish, be nurtured and taught God's word by people who loved them. Yes, it's mine and Jon's job first--as parents--to teach them, to imprint God's truths on their little hearts. And we do try to do that. But I also believe that the church has a role in supporting parents and helping them by being the secondary source of that education. And I think that Covenant Church is really doing that--finally!! :) It's been a process, yes. It's been coming, and it was even happening before I left--which is what made it doubly hard to leave. But to see how it's really coming to fruition, to see my prayers being answered in so many ways, to know that those people who would be teaching my kids there really love them and have invested in their lives is heart wrenching.....when I'm here 830 miles away.

Like I said, I don't want to offend anyone. I know this is because I spent 11 years in Naples. I "grew up" there in certain senses. I know I've only been here 10 months. I realize that all of that has much to do with my feelings today. But the question remains....

What am I doing here?

Yes, I'm here because Jon's here. I followed my husband and have tried to make a home here. Yes, that's my job. But is that the only reason? I left a huge part of me in Naples. Not only did I leave my church but I left a great doula career. "You can be a doula anywhere" you might say. And you would be correct. But I haven't had time to establish that here. The only doula job I've had was back in February for my cousin's baby. Now, I was privileged to be there. It was a wonderful birth! But not one since. There's a huge doula presence here in Knoxville, which is great. But I just haven't been able to break into it. That was a huge part of what made me who I am. And as I was leaving there were some big opportunities opening up.... that I couldn't be a part of.

So what am I doing here?

I don't know. I can't answer that right now. But it's my journey. It's part of the desert place that I'm in right now. I'm a "do-er." I know that. Maybe it's bad. I don't know. You always hear it in a negative light. Like if I'm doing a lot, then I must not be a good enough Christian to just let God "do" what he wants in my life. So I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't be doing anything. Maybe I"m just filling a void. Maybe that's not what I'm supposed to be doing....I don't know.

But I do know that right now what I should be DOING is cleaning bathrooms, and I have a 2 year old climbing all over me to make this reflection session impossible....so I'll quit right here.

Completely unresolved....

The Farmer's Market

One of the great things about being here is going downtown to the Farmer's Market every Saturday. We have to go pick up our milk there, and sometimes we make it a quick trip. But sometimes we spend a couple of hours, and it's always interesting. Took a few pictures this weekend so I thought I'd share our afternoon....

Liza-Hill wanted to wear Cedar in the Ergo. He's almost as big as her!

Cruze Farms--where we buy our raw milk. They serve breakfast and snacks and all sorts of milk products on Farmer's Market day!

Eating their ice cream from Cruze.

Cama-Jane so proud because she jumped over the stream (after about 10 minutes of deliberation--ha!) She is my cautious one for sure!!

These two ran in and out and jumped over every possible spot. Shepley was NOT going to let Breck out do her!

Strategizing about how to jump over a wide spot!

Ah! Such a cutie!

Always ready to pose.

Mmmmm, our raw milk. LOVE IT!!

Seasons of Life

You know how people say it all the time? "It's just the season of life you're in." And they're right. We all have our season of life to be living in and making the most of it. Well, I've been reflecting lately that I've been in this certain "season of life" for 15 years. It's the "Preschool season" I guess. It's the "Toddler season." It's the "I can't get anything done because I've got to have my eye on my little one every waking minute season."

Yes, it goes by lots of names and is known by mothers of toddlers everywhere as an "exhausting season."

I have found myself continuing to dwell here. I've had friends who've hung out with me awhile in it and then moved on. Some of them have even returned once they were past it for awhile.  But here I've stayed. Oh yes, some of my life has had to move to other seasons as well--the "having a tween or teen season" or the "running all over creation for my child's activities season." I've now even entered the "having a 15 year old driver season." But I continue, though, to stay in the "toddler season."

I'm over the whole "toys all over the house" thing. Been there, done that. When my older ones were little, it didn't bother me to have toy boxes in the living room, book baskets all around, art supplies all over the kitchen. I knew it was just "my season" and it was okay. When I was pregnant with Cedar though, that thought seemed to change. I guess maybe 13 years of my house not belonging to me started to get to me. I went through and literally threw away about 98% of baby/toddler toys. So, needless to say, Cedar hasn't had much. Knowing that he's the last, I haven't bought much. So he's learned to play with his brothers and sisters really well!

I was discussing this with a friend the other day at the pool. As my older ones were at one pool and my two younger ones were at another, and I was trying to keep an eye on both. I've learned that lifeguards are my friends, and I could do nothing without them!! I've learned to trust them and trust the fact that my children are in God's hands--even in the water!! Not only was I trying to keep an eye on both, but all my friends were at the big pool, and I was sitting at the baby one.

Welcome to the story of my life. It's one big split. Two sets of friends. One set with big kids. One set with little kids. On the one hand, I sit and talk about schooling or attitudes or hormones. On the other hand, I sit and talk about potty training, crawling into my bed at night or nursing. One thing I've noticed is that moms of big kids seem to forget all the stuff that goes along with being a mom of little kids. It gets kind of lonely sometimes--being in this season for 15 years.

I'm not complaining. I've just had it up in my face now for a few months. I hadn't ever really thought too much about it until recently. Cedar is a hard toddler. He's EVERYWHERE!!! I've made the comment that I think that God is preparing me to be ready to get out of this stage since Jon says we're done. God's making it much easier for me to be done!

Today at Splash Country (at Dollywood) it was very apparent again. There were TONS of people. Jon had the older three. I had the younger two. Trand is still in FL. I could hardly keep up with them in all the people. At one point we switched. I took the older three to do the water slides. Aaaahhhh!!! It was fantastic. Conversations, that while weren't necessarily "adult", made sense. We laughed and giggled and had so much fun together. I'm not saying I don't enjoy my little ones. I do--so much!! I just know I'm ready now to move on.

And just one more experience in this season of toddlerhood-- Tonight as I was giving Cama-Jane and Cedar a bath, I was in my closet for something and I heard, "Cedar pooooooped!!" Of course, Cedar pooped. Just how much poop have I cleaned out of bath water in these last 15 years? I'm pretty much an expert at it actually. It just reminded me again, "This is just my season of life." A season that I have spent so much time in. I've loved [almost] every minute of it. Even cleaning out the poop is not all that bad. Even the lonely times have mostly been erased with the memories of sweet giggles and laughter, hugs and kisses, pure joy at the sight of "Mommy."

No, I wouldn't change a thing about this season. But I think I can finally say I'm ready to move on to a new one. I think I'm ready for the new challenges that lie ahead. But I do have a little while to wait. I've still got about 3 more years here!!

So when my oldest is going off to college and my youngest is entering Kindergarten, I think that's when I can safely say I'm out of the "preschool season" the "toddler season" the "exhausting season." Thank the Lord because I'll be 42, and I'll need the break for sure!

Cooking from my garden

Breck was so excited to get to pick the first veggies of the garden

Tonight was somewhat of a "dream come true" for me. I know it may sound dumb, but I finally got to walk down to my own garden, pick real living food from it and take it to my kitchen to cook for supper!! I can't tell you how long I've wanted to be able to do that!!

Here's the basil that I cut for the pesto

Jon was very impressed with the pesto. I have to say--it was yummy!!

We had pan seared chicken and brown rice noodle with pesto sauce. We also had that big, yummy squash with onions. It was all so much better knowing it came straight from our garden! Can't wait for more produce! The garden is beautiful and growing so well. There are so many little squash, zucchinis, tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers and beans. It's very exciting! I have found, though, that I definitely need to plant more basil. I cut my whole plant back today. We need to make a bigger part of the garden for herbs. We only have a few down there right now. We wanted to start small this year to see what we needed and how it would grow. So far, so good. I'm amazed at how little the weeds grow here--compared to Naples!! :) Now I remember why I loved my flower gardens so much when we lived on Lookout Mtn. They weren't full of endless weeding!! I'll leave you with one more picture. Cedar loved the squash as well!!

Heavenly Healthy Waffles

I know "heavenly" and "healthy" are not too often used in the same title for waffles!! But you can be sure it's deserved here. I made these babies last night for our small group, and they were a hit. They are grain-free, dairy-free, and sweetened with only a touch of honey. Cedar and I finished off the last two this morning!! We ate them up with a serving of the raspberries from the bushes in our backyard!! Can't beat that! These waffles would be delicious with homemade whipped cream (made from coconut whipping cream, of course.) But we just used butter and pure maple syrup last night. This morning Cedar and I had them with butter and agave. Any way you have them--they are delish!! Here's my adapted version of this recipe (with a few changes for the better--IMO)

3 cups almond flour
4 eggs, whisked
1 1/4 cups coconut milk
1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
2 Tbs arrowroot flour
3 Tbs honey
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp sea salt
1 tsp cinnamon

Whisk together eggs and milk. Add almond flour and mix well. Stir in shredded coconut, arrowroot flour and the rest of the ingredients. My mixture was too thick to pour so I spooned it onto the hot waffle iron. But if you want to add more milk, feel free!

People disappoint you

I'm gonna restate that title because I think it's worth restating: people disappoint you. This really shouldn't come as a surprise. We live in a fallen world. People are sinful. Selfishness abounds. We all are thoughtless at times. And yet, sometimes it does surprise us. There are certain people that we count on to support us, to love us, and to do the same for our children and families. There are people in our lives in whom we put our trust even though the ONLY one who we should ever put our complete trust in is Jesus. He's the only one who is capable, able and who loves us enough to never let us down. Still, we are disappointed when humans that we love hurt us or the people we love. My prayer is that I learn through it. I pray that I learn to be more sensitive. More thoughtful. More insightful. More discerning. And more focused on others' feelings around me.

"Do unto others what you would have them do to you."

The Golden Rule. Isn't this what we aim to teach our kids from the time they are old enough to yank that desirable toy out of their friend's hands? We teach them to treat other people the way they would like to be treated.

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

I know that's one that I am constantly repeating to my kids. Those closest neighbors are their own brothers and sisters. But it includes everyone around us.

I pray that I learn the things that I'm trying to teach my kids. I pray that they are learning them as well. And I pray that we will learn through the disappointments. I pray that we will learn quickly because the disappointments hurt.

Happy Mother's Day, Birthmothers

Today is a special day for all moms. For those of us with young children still at home it's usually filled with handmade cards, hugs and kisses. And if you're like me, all afternoon your kids are running around at the beckoning of their father to get the house cleaned up for Mommy!! Maybe you got some flowers or a gift. Maybe you were greeted with breakfast in bed or just your favorite coffee. But in some way, your kids usually try to show you that they appreciate you. And I know we all look at them with misty eyes to know they are ours and to appreciate who they are growing into.

But I have one child with two mothers. And it's this second mother that I think about today. If you didn't know, our second child, Liza-Hill is adopted. I've written on here before how she celebrates that fact! She thinks it's wonderful that she was chosen TWICE--by us and by God!! I love this about her. 

So I think about her birthmother today. We don't have an open adoption so I don't have any idea what's going on in her life right now. I don't know if she has any other children filling her home today, making her cards and bringing her breakfast. I'm sure that even if she does, her thoughts travel to the one she gave to us. I'm sure thoughts of Liza-Hill fill her mind all day long. And I want to thank her. I want to thank her for the selfless choice she made to give her daughter a better life. I want to thank her for making our family more complete and blessed.  

Today I'd like to tell birthmothers everywhere "Happy Mother's Day!" To the ones who chose the hard road--to give life to precious souls when that wasn't the easy choice, to place them in homes with a different mommy and daddy who could better care for them. I know you will never forget. I know there will always be a place in your hearts for your birth child. And, like Liza-Hill's birthmom, you may not be able to see them grow up. I can't imagine how hard that must be. My favorite quote of motherhood is,

 "Being a mother means learning how to live with your heart forever walking outside of your body."

I can't imagine what it would be like not to even be able to see your heart walking! So to you, to those of you who made the hard journey, the hard choice, who took the hard road, thank you! Thank you a million times over for giving life to these precious children that we now call our own because of your sacrifice.

 To all the birthmothers, Happy Mother's Day!

A Mother's Day Tribute

A few months ago, a heard from a friend that her mother had died. This of course, made me very sad for her. She mentioned that she was writing her mother's obituary. Immediately I thought, *Would my mom know exactly how I felt about her if she died today?* I knew I didn't want to wait until she was gone to tell the world who she was. Now, I know this might sound a bit morbid. I'm not in any way thinking that my mother might pass away soon!! She is the picture of health and vibrance. It just made me think. And I'm not so good at telling people to their face what I actually think (I need to get better at that) unless it's my children. So I thought I'd tell her here. Then I could share with everyone else as well just who she is to me!

Let me just say first of all that I feel like the most blessed woman in the world to be able to call Jane Shepley "Mama." She is the epitome of everything a mother should be. She is kind and loving and wise. She makes her home a place where people naturally want to be. She is gracious and elegant--as every Southern lady should be. That is something that I am still trying to learn from her! When I talk about my Mama to people, I know they can see just how much I love her, just how amazing she is and what an impact she's made in my life.

My mama and I are really not a lot alike from the outside. Her home is the most pristinely beautiful and "white glove" clean place you've ever seen. If you've ever been in my home--you KNOW that's not the case here! :) Sure, I could blame it on six kids, and at this point in my life that's probably a lot of it. But even before we had any kids I struggled to keep up with house work. She's also very organized. Every part of her life is put together--from the physical stuff in her home to her schedules and thoughts. Once again, not me! Don't get me wrong--I'm okay with this stuff. Really! I've come to accept that while my mom keeps a perfectly clean and organized home, I don't know that she could have handled six kids. Or she may have gone insane trying!! :) I think she knows this as well so I'm not telling her anything new! She doesn't deal too well with chaos, whereas I seem to thrive on it sometimes!

But this brings me to another amazing aspect of my mama. She has always encouraged me to be who I am. She calls me her "free spirit." She gives me the blessing to pursue my passions even though they aren't the things that she would necessarily do or the same things she did when we were growing up. I've never felt like I had to walk in her shoes (although I would be proud to!) She has embraced my decisions of homeschooling, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc. She's even embraced my decision to give birth at home--although the first time she admits she was a complete wreck. I never knew it. And afterward she told me she thought it was the greatest way to give birth! She validates me.

She loves me with an unconditional mother's love. Really. I know sometimes she rolls her eyes (on the inside of course) at things I do or decisions I make. But she loves me and she supports me. What else could I ask for?

One of the most important things my mama ever gave me for my own future happiness is to be a beautiful role of a submissive, loving wife. I always knew my daddy was in charge. And my mama is a "take charge" kind of person for sure! But I knew he had the last say. She has served him and kept her mouth shut at times when I don't know that I would have. But she has shown me what makes a happy marriage for 40+ years. For that I am forever grateful. When so many of my friends have had issues with the word "submission" through the years, I never have. To me it's a beautiful picture of release. I don't have to be in control. I'm not the one who will answer for our family. She taught me that.

And the most important thing that she (and my daddy) gave me was a love for Jesus--a desire to have a family that glorifies Jesus. I have thanked God over and over that I grew up in a home that put Jesus first. No, we weren't perfect. But I always knew that Jesus was center stage. They took me to a church where I regularly heard the Word of God preached and saw my daddy serve as an elder. I saw my mama giving her heart to the Covenant children in our church (and she still does!!) She has served and loved God's family and her own family. When her own mother was dying, she sacrificed to go and stay with her week after week. I'm sure she fretted over leaving us all that time, but you know what? I don't even remember it!! I don't know that I would even know to what extent she was gone if we hadn't had conversations about it since I was an adult. That speaks volumes. She could be gone to love and take care of her own mother that long, and yet I wasn't emotionally affected because of the security I knew in my own parents.

Mama is still teaching me. She has served the children of their church for decades, but now she also loves and mentors young women who are starting their own families. I know how much they love her, and they have every reason to! She's amazing!

And I certainly would be remiss if I didn't mention the grandmother that she is to my children. She is one amazing Mimi. She teaches them--even better than she taught me--about the love of Jesus. I will be forever grateful for her (and for my mother-in-law who has this heart for them as well.)

Yes, I have been blessed. I have an amazing mama who would give anything in the world for me and my kids. And of course following suit here in my differences from her, she did not receive her Mother's Day card in the mail today (I got mine yesterday from her.) She will get hers on Monday, and she'll probably be thankful for the fact that I got it in the mail at all!! Because that's just who she is!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, and mostly Happy Mother's Day to the woman who gave me life and has blessed my life beyond measure and has helped to mold and shape me into who I am today.

I love you, Mama!!

What I've learned from my kids

I've said it so many times....on this journey of parenthood, my kids have taught me more than I could ever teach them! Yes, this is coming from a home schooling mom who basically teaches her kids everything!

From the very beginning of parenthood, I recognized that my child had been sent here for my sanctification!! Nothing on this earth could have EVER helped this process along like children--specifically my first born! Nothing or no one could have ever made me completely give up myself for another like my child. First lesson of motherhood--there's no room to be selfish! There's no time to think about yourself, your sleep, your clothes, your appearance, your body, your time, you name it--in the beginning it ALL belongs to that baby! I remember the first time I got out of the house by myself with my first born before noon. I was so proud of myself. I think he was about 2 months old by that point!! But there was no one else in the world that I would have given all that for. He taught me that there was a reason to give of myself to make this world a better place. He gave me an even bigger reason to desire to spread God's love to a dying world. He inspired me to be better than who I was. He taught me to give ALL of me to another person--to help shape and mold that eternal soul that God had entrusted to me because when it's all said and done and this life is over.....those eternal souls that we've nurtured and discipled are all that matters!

Another thing that I've learned (or more accurately am still learning) from my children is complete trust in God's promises. I love the way my kids refer to God's Word and what it tells us. They teach me to live it out practically and really BELIEVE it!! Yes, I have taught them the promises. I have tried to be diligent in teaching them God's word so they know what it says. But even though I know what it says, I don't always live like I believe it. So many times I live in the present like that's all there is. My kids are always looking to a future--a future with a resurrected body in a beautiful new world that God has promised us. They love to fantasize about what it will look like, how it will be different, how it will be the same and how they will live out eternity in perfect peace with nothing bad ever happening. On almost a daily basis one of them will come and ask me a question about the "new heavens and new earth." Or they will tell me what they think it will be like. They constantly bring it to my mind. They constantly live with a hope that this isn't all there is. These 70+ years on this earth are a drop in the bucket compared to what we have to look forward to. Everything here is so temporal. The aches and pains, the allergies, the paralysis, the emotional problems, the disabilities, the sadness and heartache, the homelessness, the emptiness..... it's all real in this world. It's hard stuff. It's difficult to live with. But as followers of Christ, we have a hope and promise that it's temporal. We have hope that one day we will live perfectly with bodies that work the way they were intended to before marred by sin and disease. We have hope of living on an earth with no weeds, no pollution, no ugliness--only the majestic glory of our Creator. I'm so thankful that my kids remind me of this so often and teach me to live in that mindset.

One thing that they teach me that isn't very fun is to take notice of my own sinfulness. I thought I was a pretty good person until I had kids. All of a sudden I was seeing things about myself that I didn't like. Where was this anger and impatience coming from? Why was I losing my self control with this little toddler? Why did I never feel like I could be good enough? Loving enough? Joyful enough? I didn't measure up to what I thought I should be. Now "silent confession time" at church didn't seem to be long enough--when before I could never really think of a lot to say! Nothing had really changed. I was always that bad and really had plenty to confess--but now it was brought to the surface. It was in my face everyday. I was seeing (and still do see) the yuckiness of my own heart. I was reminded time and time again of my need for a Savior. I was continually in the situation of having to drop to my knees (whether literally or figuratively) because I didn't have the answers. I couldn't (and can't) parent my kids well enough to make them be who I think they should be. And I constantly am made to be mindful that only God can change my children's heart. Only he can parent them perfectly. By his grace do they, or I, do anything good.

Lastly (for today at least), they have taught me how to love better! They have taught me to love with a love that I didn't know existed. Now, I don't mean to say that I didn't love my husband. I certainly did. But I think I love him better now after having children. I hear people say all the time that the first time their first born child was laid in their arms, they fell completely in love and bonded right away. I can't say that was the case with me. I loved him. I knew that. I still consider the day he was born as the happiest day of my life. But it wasn't instant bonding for me. [(As an aside, I did have an epidural with him and research shows that it can affect bonding--but that's for another post!!) :) I have always felt that the bonding was instant with my other children, but I don't know if that's just because I already knew "how" to be a mom or the whole epidural thing.....] Back to the first born though, I remember about 3 weeks after he was born just feeling this overwhelming since of "I am so in love with this little person and would literally do ANYTHING in the world for him." All of a sudden my heart just gushed with love for him. It was like someone just hooked up an air pump of love to my heart and just wouldn't stop pumping!! :) Like I said, it taught me to love my husband more and better. When I saw him loving our son and being the daddy that God had called him to be, it made me love him even more. With each child, my capacity to love has just expanded. It makes me laugh when people say something to the affect of not wanting a lot of kids because you just can't give them the love that they each need. Ha!! Nothing could be further from the truth. With each baby the love has just multiplied in our house!! They get so many more people to love on them and it just fills my heart to overflowing!

I know that they have taught me so much more. But for now, that's all I'm going to write about. But we all need to take time to learn from these precious little souls--so fresh from God. Yes, I know they are sinners. But I still believe God has so much to teach us through them. I pray that I am continually open to his leading, teaching and loving through them.

Hills, Heat and Humidity!! 3 killers!

Aaahhh! As you may know, I've been running now for a few months. Now, I would NOT consider myself a "runner." If asked if I like to run, I usually answer, "Not really. But it's a quick, easy way to get in a workout." ("easy" being a relative term there!!) The fact is, I can walk out my front door, step onto my personal workout space and go. The time it takes for me to run 3-4 miles (between 30-40 minutes) is the time of my workout. No time spent in the car getting to the gym. No expensive workout equipment. So there ya go. It has become my exercise mode of choice. It's been a relatively nice experience--time alone, listening to whatever music I like, watching spring bloom in Knoxville for the first time, and very recently having my nose tickled by delicious scents of jasmine and honeysuckle. I haven't really even minded the hills too much. Every now and then I drive up to a track if Jon is home or we take all the kids to the park there while I run. But usually I hit the hills in my neighborhood. They haven't been too extremely bad....until this week.

This week has added a new element to my running experience--heat and humidity!! Oh man! Now, I'm not complaining too badly because I know it's not Naples!! But Naples doesn't have hills! :) The combination is killing me. Wednesday I started my run too late in the day--around 10:30. I'm not a morning person. Anyone who knows me well knows that!! So morning running is killer for me. I would much prefer running in the evening, but that doesn't always work with a family. It's been relatively easy to get up, get our day going, get the older kids started on their schoolwork, work some with Shepley and then head out the door. With the nice weather, that's been great. But now May is here with a vengeance. After Wednesday's run, I knew I couldn't do that again.

Today I headed out around 9 am thinking that would be good enough. I guess it was "good enough" but I'm thinking this summer running is gonna kill me. I may have to start running in the middle of the night or something.

I have never planned to do any "race" running--maybe a 5K or even work up to 10K. But that's about it. Two of my best friends in the world just ran in the Nashville half marathon. I was very proud of them but kept telling them there was no way I would ever do one. I have no desire!! But one of them was talking to me about she and her husband wanting to do the New Orleans half. I said I would interested in joining them for the fun afterward but not the race. Now Jon wants to go (next March) and run, and he wants me to run as well. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually entertaining this idea. Whenever I'm not actually running I think, "I've got time. I can do this." But when I'm in the act itself I think, "No way am I doing that!" :) We'll see what happens.....

Our Tennessee Garden!

For years I've wanted to plant a garden. There's always been a reason why not to! One of the biggest reasons was that we had chickens, and I had no way to keep them out of the garden. Another thing was soil, another thing was weeds in FL, another thing was it was TOO HOT, and then another thing was just plain "time!" I still have the "time" issue, but all the other ones are gone now so I figured this was the year. Plus, the people who lived here before us had a nice big 20'x20' garden all ready in the backyard for us!! So I couldn't let it go to waste. Now, we didn't do the whole 20'x20'. That was just too ambitious right now. So we did about 8'x20'. We'll see how we do with that before we spend more money on the rest!! :) But I thought I'd share some pictures of our fun and my helpers today. 

Getting the soil tilled took a lot of work. This was about the extent of Liza-Hill's help.

Cedar got in on the fun too!

Look quick. This is about the only time you'll see Breck!

15 year olds are very useful when tilling gardens!!

Getting it all wet and ready to plant after we added the compost.

Shepley loves to garden and help with the plants!

See this dog at the bottom of the picture? She's going to be a pain to keep out!! Once it was wet and cool, all she wanted to do was lie in it. She stepped on a few plants too!! AAAHHHH!!!

Planted tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, sweet peppers, zucchini, and pole beans. Plus we planted basil and thyme as well.

Adding some plant food. 

Cedar made things really easy!! And he had lots of fun dumping mud all down me as well.

Trand took these. So sad. Trand thought they were funny.

How sad. He's lying on the grass with compost on his hands shoved in his mouth. I was obviously not paying attention!! Gross!!

Cama-Jane with a wet ball of compost. Lovely!

Cama-Jane sporting her worm. I was pleasantly surprised at how many worms were in the garden!! Everywhere!! The soil is so great too!! I guess anything beats sandy FL soil!!

Finished product. Just planted the front. There are four rows of bean seeds planted on the left. 

Our FUN weekend

So, on Friday morning I woke up and decided I wanted to make a deliberate attempt at a fun day. I used to be fun most (if not all) the time! When Trand was younger, we had tons of fun. Now, we didn't get a whole lot of school done. But we sure had fun!! Then I started having baby after baby. As much as I loved and wanted those babies, I have to admit it took some of my "funness" away. It's not as easy to be spontaneous or get a little done at home and then go play. I felt like I had been really boring and down to business lately so I needed to remedy that! Off to some LIVING education!

I let Trand pick where to go since I always drag him around to little kid stuff. He chose to go to the Museum of Appalachia. We decided to go ahead and get a family membership since, for our family, it's usually much cheaper than going twice! I'm glad we did. I look forward to going back. On the 27th of April they are having a sheep shearing. We'll be there!

Then on Saturday, we went to Ijams (pronounced Iams) Nature Center. We hiked some great trails and explored nature. The kids had a great time! Shepley, who is my little flower child, had a great time collecting wild flowers. Breck discovered that he is quite the conservationist with a huge heart for endangered animals. We question if he's really related to my dad!!

So here are some pictures from our weekend.

 Sitting in front of the little schoolhouse

 Listening to a lady singing folk music. Cama-Jane stood up and danced during the 2nd song. :)

 The lady singing

 Trand taking a picture of me with the rest

 My handsome boys--who totally wish they could live in this time period!!

 Yes, this is the only picture of them all looking--even though Cedar is up side down.

 He's such a sweet big brother. Always helping the little ones. 

 Cutie patootie!

Two more cuties!!

I just wish my apothecary looked like this. I have a little ways to go!!

And at the Nature Center......

 Exploring!

 My flower child!

 Poor Cedar. We tried to get him looking!!

 Daddy and kids

 Daddy and boys

 Mama and girls

 Looking for flowers

 Dad and Trand

So that was our weekend!! We had lots of fun and got some good outside time in this beautiful weather!! Very happy to be in TN during the spring. I have to admit the weather is amazing!! :)