I had an epiphany today.
I looked around my house at my six precious children and realized, they are all here. They are all still here. In two years, one will be gone. But for today and for the next two years, they will be here.
As tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill (and incite another round of "why are you crying, Mommy" questions--because I cry at the drop of a hat) I gathered myself and made the decision to make this the best year yet.
You see, when I started this homeschool journey 13 years ago, my oldest was 3. I was bound and determined to be the best homeschool mom ever, and he was of course going to be the best student. He was going to be the smartest and the most well behaved (if you know him, you know how that one turned out.)
As it happened, though, just as he was about to start his Kindergarten year, we added a baby to our family. He couldn't have been happier, of course. But this certainly put a little crimp in our homeschooling schedule and plans. Then as he started 1st grade, we had just added another sweet bundle. We added that 3rd bundle in the middle of his 2nd grade year. To say his first three years of academia were "scattered" would be quite the understatement.
But we kept plugging. During the summer between his 4th and 5th grade years, we added the next sweet blessing and then between 7th and 8 grade added our last. So, you see, Trand has never known school without babies. He's never known what uninterrupted time with mom was. He's never known what it was like to really stick to a schedule because there was always a little one around--always.
And Trand will be going off to college the year that Cedar starts Kindergarten. So he will have spent his entire academia life with babies and toddlers and now these last two years with a pre-schooler.
But these two years are what I'm focusing on. Because you see, I truly believe that the three year old year is when it all changes. It all gets easier. And I haven't had a 3 year old as my youngest in 13 years! So I am quite excited about this. Cedar is able to be entertained during the school day. He's got five brothers and sisters who absolutely LOVE playing with him. They are thrilled when it's their break time or their scheduled "Cedar time" and they get to play Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or even My Little Pony (Rainbow Dash is unabashedly his favorite) with him.
My epiphany came today when I realized how easy the last week and a half has been. We've gotten all of our school work done every day, there have been no major breakdowns, relatively few distractions, decent attitudes all in all, and I've really felt like we've accomplished a lot. It dawned on me that this was the difference--my youngest was three.
In the same thought it dawned on me that my oldest is 16 and a Junior. He will be leaving in two years. Yes, while my youngest is getting older and easier, that means everyone else is as well.
I will not be dwelling on what I'll be feeling in two years. I want to live in the moment now. I want these next two years to count. I want to soak up every memory, every thought, every word. I want to cherish every laugh shared--especially between my oldest and youngest. I want to capture the moments of bellowing laughter and sweetness shared, drinking in the beautiful times and even the not so beautiful ones.
Yes, I plan on making it a memorable two years. I don't know where life will be taking us tomorrow or next week or next year. But I'm enjoying the ride with six great kids that I have the amazing privilege of mothering.
And I wouldn't miss it for the world.
