I've said it so many times....on this journey of parenthood, my kids have taught me more than I could ever teach them! Yes, this is coming from a home schooling mom who basically teaches her kids everything!
From the very beginning of parenthood, I recognized that my child had been sent here for my sanctification!! Nothing on this earth could have EVER helped this process along like children--specifically my first born! Nothing or no one could have ever made me completely give up myself for another like my child. First lesson of motherhood--there's no room to be selfish! There's no time to think about yourself, your sleep, your clothes, your appearance, your body, your time, you name it--in the beginning it ALL belongs to that baby! I remember the first time I got out of the house by myself with my first born before noon. I was so proud of myself. I think he was about 2 months old by that point!! But there was no one else in the world that I would have given all that for. He taught me that there was a reason to give of myself to make this world a better place. He gave me an even bigger reason to desire to spread God's love to a dying world. He inspired me to be better than who I was. He taught me to give ALL of me to another person--to help shape and mold that eternal soul that God had entrusted to me because when it's all said and done and this life is over.....those eternal souls that we've nurtured and discipled are all that matters!
Another thing that I've learned (or more accurately am still learning) from my children is complete trust in God's promises. I love the way my kids refer to God's Word and what it tells us. They teach me to live it out practically and really BELIEVE it!! Yes, I have taught them the promises. I have tried to be diligent in teaching them God's word so they know what it says. But even though I know what it says, I don't always live like I believe it. So many times I live in the present like that's all there is. My kids are always looking to a future--a future with a resurrected body in a beautiful new world that God has promised us. They love to fantasize about what it will look like, how it will be different, how it will be the same and how they will live out eternity in perfect peace with nothing bad ever happening. On almost a daily basis one of them will come and ask me a question about the "new heavens and new earth." Or they will tell me what they think it will be like. They constantly bring it to my mind. They constantly live with a hope that this isn't all there is. These 70+ years on this earth are a drop in the bucket compared to what we have to look forward to. Everything here is so temporal. The aches and pains, the allergies, the paralysis, the emotional problems, the disabilities, the sadness and heartache, the homelessness, the emptiness..... it's all real in this world. It's hard stuff. It's difficult to live with. But as followers of Christ, we have a hope and promise that it's temporal. We have hope that one day we will live perfectly with bodies that work the way they were intended to before marred by sin and disease. We have hope of living on an earth with no weeds, no pollution, no ugliness--only the majestic glory of our Creator. I'm so thankful that my kids remind me of this so often and teach me to live in that mindset.
One thing that they teach me that isn't very fun is to take notice of my own sinfulness. I thought I was a pretty good person until I had kids. All of a sudden I was seeing things about myself that I didn't like. Where was this anger and impatience coming from? Why was I losing my self control with this little toddler? Why did I never feel like I could be good enough? Loving enough? Joyful enough? I didn't measure up to what I thought I should be. Now "silent confession time" at church didn't seem to be long enough--when before I could never really think of a lot to say! Nothing had really changed. I was always that bad and really had plenty to confess--but now it was brought to the surface. It was in my face everyday. I was seeing (and still do see) the yuckiness of my own heart. I was reminded time and time again of my need for a Savior. I was continually in the situation of having to drop to my knees (whether literally or figuratively) because I didn't have the answers. I couldn't (and can't) parent my kids well enough to make them be who I think they should be. And I constantly am made to be mindful that only God can change my children's heart. Only he can parent them perfectly. By his grace do they, or I, do anything good.
Lastly (for today at least), they have taught me how to love better! They have taught me to love with a love that I didn't know existed. Now, I don't mean to say that I didn't love my husband. I certainly did. But I think I love him better now after having children. I hear people say all the time that the first time their first born child was laid in their arms, they fell completely in love and bonded right away. I can't say that was the case with me. I loved him. I knew that. I still consider the day he was born as the happiest day of my life. But it wasn't instant bonding for me. [(As an aside, I did have an epidural with him and research shows that it can affect bonding--but that's for another post!!) :) I have always felt that the bonding was instant with my other children, but I don't know if that's just because I already knew "how" to be a mom or the whole epidural thing.....] Back to the first born though, I remember about 3 weeks after he was born just feeling this overwhelming since of "I am so in love with this little person and would literally do ANYTHING in the world for him." All of a sudden my heart just gushed with love for him. It was like someone just hooked up an air pump of love to my heart and just wouldn't stop pumping!! :) Like I said, it taught me to love my husband more and better. When I saw him loving our son and being the daddy that God had called him to be, it made me love him even more. With each child, my capacity to love has just expanded. It makes me laugh when people say something to the affect of not wanting a lot of kids because you just can't give them the love that they each need. Ha!! Nothing could be further from the truth. With each baby the love has just multiplied in our house!! They get so many more people to love on them and it just fills my heart to overflowing!
I know that they have taught me so much more. But for now, that's all I'm going to write about. But we all need to take time to learn from these precious little souls--so fresh from God. Yes, I know they are sinners. But I still believe God has so much to teach us through them. I pray that I am continually open to his leading, teaching and loving through them.
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