Blessings

Laura Story~Blessings

The first time I heard this song was maybe about a year ago when my sister-in-law sent it to me. I immediately downloaded it off of itunes because I loved it! Since then, it has recently become more popular, and I've heard it a few times on the radio on our Christian station here. This song hits so close to home for me!! It makes me guilty to even think that because I think, "what right do I have to think that I have gone through heart aches or hard times?" I've never struggled with cancer, lost a husband or a child, had some major catastrophe in my life.... I realize that!! And I thank God for that as well. 

If you haven't heard it, I think it would bless you to click on the above link and listen. Even though my trials and struggles are trivial compared to some, there is some wonderful theology here in this simple song. One of my favorite parts is during the bridge when it says, 

"the pain reminds us that this is not, this is not our home."

I've thought of that very thing so many times over the years--this longing we have in our hearts. We know we are supposed to strive for contentment--to be content in all situations. And yet somewhere, somewhere down deep there is always a longing. We can't ever seem to figure it out. It's in all of us--something that longs for something better, something that can't be satisfied, something that always is pulling us "home." We feel this most when circumstances in our life are less than perfect. We feel it when times are tough and people are mean. We can't understand how God could let these things happen. But so many times I've thought these things, and God has brought me back to "this is not your home."

He doesn't want us to be satisfied with this earth and all it has to offer. This sinful, marred place of death and decay isn't the goal!! Within each of us is a longing for our eternal home--that perfect place where we will finally feel fulfilled, settled, loved, and completely satisfied. We will reach it one day. But for now, we have to learn how to live with this--the temporary, the here and now, the pain and heartache. He is the answer to it all. He fulfills our hearts desire while living in this sin filled world. He is with us when the world disappoints. He is our blessing when it seems that everything is crashing down.

"What if my greatest disappointments or the achings of this life are the revealings of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy...."

If that doesn't say it all....just like knowing that this is not our home, we know that this world can't satisfy. On this side of heaven, what really can?? Only Jesus. This world, once again, marred by sin and death, is just a shell of what God intended it to be. My soul thirsts, my heart longs to be quenched, and it can only be satisfied with Jesus. This world will never be enough. Just look at the suicide rates, drug abuse, teen pregnancy, problems with cutting, anything that people do to be accepted or just to end it all...we see that the world can't satisfy. Maybe God brings these heartaches to show us that. Maybe he orchestrates the hard times, the unanswerable problems and heartaches just to show us that HE is the only answer. He wants us to run to him, long for him, hunger and thirst for only Him.

We live in a world full of people running the rat race. They are all trying desperately to get ahead, get the next big break, find happiness in money or popularity. Look at all the people who go to try out for American Idol or one of those reality shows where they could be the next BIG star. That's what it's all about in the world. How sad. How sad when the day comes, and they have it all, and they realize that they still aren't satisfied. Because it will come. Blaise Pascal said,

"There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, make known through Jesus."

 I think that's what Laura Story is trying to say in this lines of this song. Yes, the song is about blessings coming in disguised ways. But I think it's about so much more. It speaks to me in different ways these days as I'm preparing my house, my children, and my life to pick up and leave eleven years of "home." I'm not disappointed that we are going, but there have been disappointments that have played a part in all of this and still do. Things haven't gone as I had planned for sure. I didn't expect to be at this point and still not know where I would be moving my "stuff"! I expected that we would have a nice house, in Knoxville, with a nice church, get involved, etc. etc. That's not the way it's turning out. But I'm learning more and more every day to trust my Savior. I trust his plan. I trust in his sovereignty.

I know this is not my home. I know that this world cannot satisfy. And so this song speaks to my heart.

In His Time

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord....

I'm here in the Knoxville airport chasing after Cedar and trying to type a blog on my iPhone at the same time. Women can multi task, right? We had a great three days here looking for housing. We found a great house that we both love and agree would be perfect for us, but once again in my life, more waiting. Waiting for loan approval. That's going to be hard without selling our house first. But we will see. So if not, then it's waiting for our house to sell. I started to despair yesterday. We were driving around looking in newspapers and online for rentals. NONE that we could find in East Knoxville which is where we need to be. So we started driving out in the country to Newport--Where Jon's hospital is. On the way out I started feeling pretty anxious about all this. It's not that I think it won't work out, but I want to be up here with my husband as soon as possible. I don't want to be left in Naples with six kids and no husband indefinitely. But God gently reminded me that he has a plan. He told me he had me in a place where no one could rescue us but him. We have to rely on Him to sell our house and Him to buy a new one. We have to rely on Him to get us a loan. There's nothing anyone can really do to save us but Him. He wants me to trust. He wants me to show my children that I really trust Him as much as I say I do. As much as I absolutely love the house that we found and think it has so much potential for us, ultimately that's His decision too. If He's got a better place in mind, I want to know about it--in His time. I'm so glad my God has a plan, and I can't imagine how people do it that don't believe that or understand it.

We attended Redeemer Prebyterian Church this morning which made me want to get the house even more because if we rent out in the country, we will not be able to attend a church in town and the PCA church out there is tiny!! But thankful at least that there is one. Anyway, really liked the church this morning. God really spoke to me as we sang "Strength will rise as we WAIT upon the Lord." Wow. There it is again. Waiting. Surely I've waited enough by now. Surely I've learned what I need to know. But I guess not. Then we were using the beatitudes in responsive readings. I was very convicted again. The pastor would read a beatitude, and our response was basically "what we are instead." I can't remember exactly what we said, but it was something about thinking about possessions and prestige instead of being meek and humble. Now, I don't in any way think that I'm concerned with prestige--at least not the way the world thinks of it. But I was convicted about the possessions. It's not that I want a lot of possessions (I seriously want as few as possible!!) or want things that will make other people look at me or anything. But I'm obviously holding on to world things, putting my hope in tangible stuff not in Jesus.

So here I am again--unable to do anything about my circumstances--just where God wants me. I'm trusting still that He wants to give us "more than we could ever hope for or imagine." He has brought us this far; He will take us further still.

The ups and downs of leaving and going

I HATE "good-byes." I absolutely ABHOR them with a passion. Even when someone I know is leaving from my life and I am staying in the same place, I really don't tell them "good-bye" but ONCE--right before they leave. I just hate long good-byes. So now it's my turn to leave, and it's going to be over a month before I go. I told my husband this morning as we were driving in to church for the first time since we found out about the move that I dreaded this month. It's certainly not that I don't appreciate people telling me how sad they are that we're leaving or how much they'll miss us. I am very thankful and feel very blessed for the amazing friends and family and church we have here. I will miss them all dearly, and I am overwhelmed by the love that they all show us--from intimate friends to those we've "known" from afar and for a short time. I'm touched by their care and concern and love.

It's just that I don't want to waste my time talking about that! I want life to continue as usual up until the very point we leave--then I will cry and say "good-bye" and be done with it!! But for close friends, it's not 'good-bye forever.' It's 'good-bye for now.' It's 'until I see you again.' Jon's parents live here, and we will be back to visit often. We will ALWAYS attend Covenant Church when we come because our heart is there. It will always be home for us. Five of our six children were born and baptized there. It's all they've known. And even our oldest, who moved here when he was three, doesn't remember anything else. It's quite embarrassing as our 14 year old goes barefooted around the church because (as he puts it) "this is my home." He tells me that God doesn't care if he's barefooted, and I'm sure he's right; but we have yet to get the "irreverent" part to stick in his head....but that's another post! :)

I realize that it's not ever going to be the same. I won't be able to call up my very good friend anymore and say, "Can we just hang out at your house today and forget about school?" :) I won't just casually bump into the same familiar faces at church with the cordial nod and "Good to see you." For quite awhile I won't have the network of friends that I do here. I realize life isn't going to be the same. Eleven years is a while. It's not forever; but it's long enough to put roots down, get established, make lasting connections and friendships, grow a family, grow a church, and leave a part of your heart behind when you go. That's just what we'll do. A part of us will always be here in the lives of those we've loved and who have loved us. But these are the sober thoughts that I don't want to dwell on in the next month!! We still have school to do, friends to see, things to sort through and pack, decisions to make.

For now I am focusing on living in beautiful Tennessee, less than an hour from the mountains. I'm excited about having seasons again--and that when I get there it will actually already be getting cooler. Imagine that, it will be getting cooler in October rather than waiting until January for some relief!! :) I'm excited about changes: meeting new friends, looking at churches, seeing old friends, meeting new home schoolers, and the most exciting thing of all--BUYING WINTER CLOTHES!! Can I just tell you that that is very close to the top of my list of my all time most anticipated thing about moving!!! Shallow, huh? Well, I don't care. I have looked longingly at winter clothes for my kids and myself for years--willing myself to restrain from buying something that we don't need but having a hard time of it!! So now I finally get an excuse to buy warm, snuggly clothes, boots, cute hats and mittens, thick sweaters and corduroy. I get to buy hiking boots and clothes and more camping gear. (Can you tell yet that I really like to spend money??) My husband is not as excited about this prospect as I am. He, in fact, is quite scared when I start talking this way. But I do know my limits. I won't do too much--and that will take even more will power than not doing anything at all!! :) As I said before, I'm an all-or-nothing girl!

I'm excited about mountains again, the prospect of snow, cool Thanksgivings and cold Christmases. I know these things aren't guaranteed in the South, but I can promise my chances there are 100% better than they are here in Naples!! I may actually like a pretty mild winter this first winter to ease me in. I know my kids might need it! :) No more flip-flops all year long or forgetting our shoes weren't in the car. No more running out the door any time of year in just shorts and a t-shirt. No more playing outside in the nude in December (no, not me--my little ones.) :)

So our emotions are all over the place at the Richards' Ranch. I am trying to be the stable one for my kids who can be elated one minute and bawling the next. I'm not allowed to think about my own feelings or emotions right now. I'll deal with those on the drive up!! I'm thankful for good friends, great support, much love, and a wonderful network of people surrounding us at this time.....

.....Just don't tell me "good-bye" til I leave!! :)