My oldest took a big step toward manhood today. There have been lots of physical signs along the way, of course--a deepening voice, more body hair, a manly "swagger", getting taller, etc. All these things happen without any effort though. Anyone can do these--they don't take or build character.
No, today Trand stepped up because he was the "head of the house" this week. He's been the one to take care of things while Jon has been out of town so much lately. And he made the choice to do what needed to be done.
You see, Trand's goat died yesterday. We don't know for sure why, but we think it was from an infection in her leg. Jon had them out on ropes for about a week and a half "clearing" some areas for us. One day, when he went out to check on them, Trand's goat "Shin guards" had the rope wrapped tightly around one of her legs, and it had cut her. He unwrapped it. But the next day when Trand went out to check, she had done it again. We brought the goats back in so keep it from happening anymore. That was on Friday. I noticed over the weekend that it might need some attention, but I didn't think it was that serious. I guess I was wrong.
When I got home yesterday from CC, I saw the goat lying down by the little barn. Instinctively, I knew something was wrong. I told the kids to go in the house, and I took a bucket of water down. The other goat came over to drink, but I could tell that Shin guards was dead. Oh, I was so sad for Trand!!
He got home at 4:30. I told him, and the tears immediately sprang to his eyes. But we had to leave right away, and we didn't get home until almost 10 pm.
So first thing this morning, we went out. He pumped up the tires on the tractor (because they all have slow leaks) and put the trailer on the back. It took both of us to lift her up into the trailer (exactly what I would have planned to do this morning.) After we got her in, I looked at my 14 year old son, tears streaming down his face, quietly looking at his lifeless goat, and in that instant, my heart broke for him as it has at least 500 times over the span of his short life. This mom stuff never gets easier! I knew he was thinking of the day he first got her. Oh, how he loved her and had so many plans for her--plans that never happened just because of life.
The plan was to breed the goats and use them for milk goats. They were also going to show them in the county fair. Neither of these ideas ever came to fruition because I got pregnant and just couldn't deal with large livestock at the time! Talk about feeling guilty now!! I know he doesn't blame me, but I do.
So then, I left him on his own. He drove her over to the side of the woods and dug a hole big enough to bury a goat. That's a big hole!! I can imagine that as he dug, he thought about her and the things he had wanted to do with her. I'm sure he remembered when she lived on the lanai her first couple of months and how he would change her straw bed and pan feed her her mother's milk that we would go pick up every week!! I'm sure he remembered the sweat and hard work he put into gutting the chicken coop to make it a goat barn and how he engineered and built a feeding trough and hay bin on the wall of the barn all by himself. I'm sure he remembered the excitement and smiles the goats brought when they were cute little kids jumping all over the yard!
And as he walked back into the house with red rimmed eyes and a dirty, tear streaked face, I knew that he had taken quite a few strides towards manhood this morning. He was sad. His heart was broken. It was hard work. But he did it. He had to do it because his dad wasn't here to help him this time. Yesterday I kept thinking how this was a horrible week for Jon to be out of town, but now I don't know. If Jon was here, I know Trand would've helped him with the job, but Jon would have done most of it--that's just what dads do. But since his dad wasn't here, Trand had to grow up a little bit more and do it himself. Even though he was broken hearted, he had to take it like a man.....and he did.
My son is becoming a man of character who isn't afraid to step up when life is hard. He is well on his way to becoming exactly the kind of man that this society is in desperate need of, and I'm so proud of him. I'm privileged to be able to watch him every step of the way.
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