Convictions

"Don't worry that your children never listen to you, worry that  

they are always watching you." -Robert Fulghum

I saw this quote on Facebook this morning, and it really hit me. I mean, this is not new information to me, but it pricked my conscience enough to really make me think about what this means in my life.

How many times to I get on my "high horse" because my kids just 'won't listen!' If only they would listen and do what I said things would be so much easier and efficient. If they would just obey, life would work out grandly. If they would keep their room clean like I tell them to, put their dishes in the dishwasher when they are dirty, unload the dishwasher when it's their turn, take out the cat litter when they are told, make their beds, blah, blah, blah. (You get the picture.) Instead, they don't keep their room clean (just like I don't), they leave their dishes on the counter or in the sink or even on the table (just like I sometimes do), they forget to unload the dishwasher (just like I do), they complain about the cat litter (just like me), and their beds are a mess (just like mine.) Hmmmm....

I've been convicted about this before, mind you. It's not something new in my life. For a long time, I didn't want to really pin point what this character flaw was inside of me. I mean, it's not a very nice thing to have said about you--even when it's coming from yourself! It took me awhile to come up with the right word, but I do believe it's called diligence! Now, I don't think there's a word such as "undiligent" so maybe the negative is just that I'm NOT diligent!! See there, now that doesn't sound good at all. But it's the truth!! I'm really good at going out and doing the fun stuff in life. I can pick up and go at the drop of a hat. A friend called this morning to ask if we could go to the park this afternoon, and even though I had set aside the day (rather, the week) to undecorate, clean and organize, I decided instead that it sounded much more fun to go to the park and fellowship!! Now, I have to say in my defense that this is a friend who lives out of town and we hardly ever just get to sit and hang out so it actually was a special situation. But it's certainly not an isolated incident!!

I love to be doing things out of the house. I'm in charge of the children's musical at church, and we are  getting ready to start that in January. That gets me going!! It's fun. It's exciting. As I've said before, I love teaching kids about Jesus, and I love seeing them praise Him. I also love homeschooling my kids. I love to read to them, teach them to write, study history, give assignments, and I don't even mind teaching them math!! So it's not that the things that take precedence in my life are necessarily BAD, it's just that I never get around to getting the stuff done that I really should be doing--and it's because of my lack of diligence.

You see, I know that when I wake up at 6 am, get myself ready, get my quiet time in and start in on household chores before the rest of the house wakes, my days go much more smoothly! I know that if I lived by the schedule that I make out each year at the beginning of the school year, we would get much more schoolwork done, and the house would stay cleaner as well. I KNOW these things!! And yet, I'm not diligent enough to make sure that they happen. You see, I LOVE to sleep! But I also have this little issue in that I LOVE to stay up late and do things then. But I don't like to do things like clean or organize or anything constructive. I want to play on facebook or work on online scrapbooking. (or write on my blog) Those things are fun!! So when I do those things at night, after the kids are in bed, I stay up way too late and the baby wakes once during the night, and then I feel justified to sleep in. So I wake when the baby wakes in the morning--and my day starts about 2 hours behind where it should have!!

As for schedules....I know they work. Oh, I know. I start the school year with one, and it runs smoothly--for about two weeks. Then somewhere my brain thinks, "This is so BORING! The same routine everyday??? If I have to live my life like this for a year, I'll go insane!!" I'm not a routine girl! I love spontaneity. I don't mind in the least getting all six kids out to run around to different places--even just to do errands because it's an adventure. At least it's the only kind of adventure my life can afford right now!  I've always driven all the kids (usually by myself) to my parents about 3 times a year. The drive is supposed to be about 8 hours. When my husband comes along, it is usually close. When I do it (during the day) it has been as long as 12!! That's why I usually do it at night--much to my Daddy's dismay!! But I don't have trouble staying awake, and it's much easier to drive when the kids are sleeping. But it's an adventure--one that I don't mind or worry about at all.

So now I'm paying for all this. #2 is just like me! She is constantly wanting to "go do something." She doesn't like to be at home doing what must be done. She always says to me each morning, "Mom, what are we going to do OUT of the house today?" And each time it's a little reminder for me to practice my diligence to teach them by my actions--not words!! Most importantly, I'm disobeying God's word.

³Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, ⁴and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  Titus 2: 3-5

Did you catch that? "working at home." We, as older women, (and yes, I have to admit that now I am that to more than just my own children!!) are to teach the younger women to do many things--among which is to be working at home!! Most of those other things I don't struggle with too much, but that one is the one!! How can I teach others this through my words when I don't live it with my actions? What a huge lesson in self discipline!!

Now my husband, he's diligent! He does what needs to be done without complaint. And he sticks to it. When he determines to clean his closet or clean the garage (which isn't too often, but I can't blame him for that) or start (and finish) an exercise program or carry out a New Year's resolution--he does it! He can't understand why I start a project and then get bored half way through only to go on to something else. I know it's my Sanguine personality, but that's no excuse!! My mother is diligent! She gets stuff done around the house when it needs to be done. She runs on routines and schedules. My sister-in-law is the same way. She has her kids on amazing schedules that run like clockwork.

My prayer is for more diligence! My prayer is for more self-discipline! If for nothing else other than to be the example that my children need!! Because, yes, it is true that they may not listen to my words, but they sure are seeing my actions!!