I'm gonna restate that title because I think it's worth restating: people disappoint you. This really shouldn't come as a surprise. We live in a fallen world. People are sinful. Selfishness abounds. We all are thoughtless at times. And yet, sometimes it does surprise us. There are certain people that we count on to support us, to love us, and to do the same for our children and families. There are people in our lives in whom we put our trust even though the ONLY one who we should ever put our complete trust in is Jesus. He's the only one who is capable, able and who loves us enough to never let us down. Still, we are disappointed when humans that we love hurt us or the people we love. My prayer is that I learn through it. I pray that I learn to be more sensitive. More thoughtful. More insightful. More discerning. And more focused on others' feelings around me.
"Do unto others what you would have them do to you."
The Golden Rule. Isn't this what we aim to teach our kids from the time they are old enough to yank that desirable toy out of their friend's hands? We teach them to treat other people the way they would like to be treated.
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
I know that's one that I am constantly repeating to my kids. Those closest neighbors are their own brothers and sisters. But it includes everyone around us.
I pray that I learn the things that I'm trying to teach my kids. I pray that they are learning them as well. And I pray that we will learn through the disappointments. I pray that we will learn quickly because the disappointments hurt.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day, Birthmothers
Today is a special day for all moms. For those of us with young children still at home it's usually filled with handmade cards, hugs and kisses. And if you're like me, all afternoon your kids are running around at the beckoning of their father to get the house cleaned up for Mommy!! Maybe you got some flowers or a gift. Maybe you were greeted with breakfast in bed or just your favorite coffee. But in some way, your kids usually try to show you that they appreciate you. And I know we all look at them with misty eyes to know they are ours and to appreciate who they are growing into.
But I have one child with two mothers. And it's this second mother that I think about today. If you didn't know, our second child, Liza-Hill is adopted. I've written on here before how she celebrates that fact! She thinks it's wonderful that she was chosen TWICE--by us and by God!! I love this about her.
So I think about her birthmother today. We don't have an open adoption so I don't have any idea what's going on in her life right now. I don't know if she has any other children filling her home today, making her cards and bringing her breakfast. I'm sure that even if she does, her thoughts travel to the one she gave to us. I'm sure thoughts of Liza-Hill fill her mind all day long. And I want to thank her. I want to thank her for the selfless choice she made to give her daughter a better life. I want to thank her for making our family more complete and blessed.
Today I'd like to tell birthmothers everywhere "Happy Mother's Day!" To the ones who chose the hard road--to give life to precious souls when that wasn't the easy choice, to place them in homes with a different mommy and daddy who could better care for them. I know you will never forget. I know there will always be a place in your hearts for your birth child. And, like Liza-Hill's birthmom, you may not be able to see them grow up. I can't imagine how hard that must be. My favorite quote of motherhood is,
"Being a mother means learning how to live with your heart forever walking outside of your body."
I can't imagine what it would be like not to even be able to see your heart walking! So to you, to those of you who made the hard journey, the hard choice, who took the hard road, thank you! Thank you a million times over for giving life to these precious children that we now call our own because of your sacrifice.
To all the birthmothers, Happy Mother's Day!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
A Mother's Day Tribute
A few months ago, a heard from a friend that her mother had died. This of course, made me very sad for her. She mentioned that she was writing her mother's obituary. Immediately I thought, *Would my mom know exactly how I felt about her if she died today?* I knew I didn't want to wait until she was gone to tell the world who she was. Now, I know this might sound a bit morbid. I'm not in any way thinking that my mother might pass away soon!! She is the picture of health and vibrance. It just made me think. And I'm not so good at telling people to their face what I actually think (I need to get better at that) unless it's my children. So I thought I'd tell her here. Then I could share with everyone else as well just who she is to me!
Let me just say first of all that I feel like the most blessed woman in the world to be able to call Jane Shepley "Mama." She is the epitome of everything a mother should be. She is kind and loving and wise. She makes her home a place where people naturally want to be. She is gracious and elegant--as every Southern lady should be. That is something that I am still trying to learn from her! When I talk about my Mama to people, I know they can see just how much I love her, just how amazing she is and what an impact she's made in my life.
My mama and I are really not a lot alike from the outside. Her home is the most pristinely beautiful and "white glove" clean place you've ever seen. If you've ever been in my home--you KNOW that's not the case here! :) Sure, I could blame it on six kids, and at this point in my life that's probably a lot of it. But even before we had any kids I struggled to keep up with house work. She's also very organized. Every part of her life is put together--from the physical stuff in her home to her schedules and thoughts. Once again, not me! Don't get me wrong--I'm okay with this stuff. Really! I've come to accept that while my mom keeps a perfectly clean and organized home, I don't know that she could have handled six kids. Or she may have gone insane trying!! :) I think she knows this as well so I'm not telling her anything new! She doesn't deal too well with chaos, whereas I seem to thrive on it sometimes!
But this brings me to another amazing aspect of my mama. She has always encouraged me to be who I am. She calls me her "free spirit." She gives me the blessing to pursue my passions even though they aren't the things that she would necessarily do or the same things she did when we were growing up. I've never felt like I had to walk in her shoes (although I would be proud to!) She has embraced my decisions of homeschooling, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc. She's even embraced my decision to give birth at home--although the first time she admits she was a complete wreck. I never knew it. And afterward she told me she thought it was the greatest way to give birth! She validates me.
She loves me with an unconditional mother's love. Really. I know sometimes she rolls her eyes (on the inside of course) at things I do or decisions I make. But she loves me and she supports me. What else could I ask for?
One of the most important things my mama ever gave me for my own future happiness is to be a beautiful role of a submissive, loving wife. I always knew my daddy was in charge. And my mama is a "take charge" kind of person for sure! But I knew he had the last say. She has served him and kept her mouth shut at times when I don't know that I would have. But she has shown me what makes a happy marriage for 40+ years. For that I am forever grateful. When so many of my friends have had issues with the word "submission" through the years, I never have. To me it's a beautiful picture of release. I don't have to be in control. I'm not the one who will answer for our family. She taught me that.
And the most important thing that she (and my daddy) gave me was a love for Jesus--a desire to have a family that glorifies Jesus. I have thanked God over and over that I grew up in a home that put Jesus first. No, we weren't perfect. But I always knew that Jesus was center stage. They took me to a church where I regularly heard the Word of God preached and saw my daddy serve as an elder. I saw my mama giving her heart to the Covenant children in our church (and she still does!!) She has served and loved God's family and her own family. When her own mother was dying, she sacrificed to go and stay with her week after week. I'm sure she fretted over leaving us all that time, but you know what? I don't even remember it!! I don't know that I would even know to what extent she was gone if we hadn't had conversations about it since I was an adult. That speaks volumes. She could be gone to love and take care of her own mother that long, and yet I wasn't emotionally affected because of the security I knew in my own parents.
Mama is still teaching me. She has served the children of their church for decades, but now she also loves and mentors young women who are starting their own families. I know how much they love her, and they have every reason to! She's amazing!
And I certainly would be remiss if I didn't mention the grandmother that she is to my children. She is one amazing Mimi. She teaches them--even better than she taught me--about the love of Jesus. I will be forever grateful for her (and for my mother-in-law who has this heart for them as well.)
Yes, I have been blessed. I have an amazing mama who would give anything in the world for me and my kids. And of course following suit here in my differences from her, she did not receive her Mother's Day card in the mail today (I got mine yesterday from her.) She will get hers on Monday, and she'll probably be thankful for the fact that I got it in the mail at all!! Because that's just who she is!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, and mostly Happy Mother's Day to the woman who gave me life and has blessed my life beyond measure and has helped to mold and shape me into who I am today.
I love you, Mama!!
Let me just say first of all that I feel like the most blessed woman in the world to be able to call Jane Shepley "Mama." She is the epitome of everything a mother should be. She is kind and loving and wise. She makes her home a place where people naturally want to be. She is gracious and elegant--as every Southern lady should be. That is something that I am still trying to learn from her! When I talk about my Mama to people, I know they can see just how much I love her, just how amazing she is and what an impact she's made in my life.
My mama and I are really not a lot alike from the outside. Her home is the most pristinely beautiful and "white glove" clean place you've ever seen. If you've ever been in my home--you KNOW that's not the case here! :) Sure, I could blame it on six kids, and at this point in my life that's probably a lot of it. But even before we had any kids I struggled to keep up with house work. She's also very organized. Every part of her life is put together--from the physical stuff in her home to her schedules and thoughts. Once again, not me! Don't get me wrong--I'm okay with this stuff. Really! I've come to accept that while my mom keeps a perfectly clean and organized home, I don't know that she could have handled six kids. Or she may have gone insane trying!! :) I think she knows this as well so I'm not telling her anything new! She doesn't deal too well with chaos, whereas I seem to thrive on it sometimes!
But this brings me to another amazing aspect of my mama. She has always encouraged me to be who I am. She calls me her "free spirit." She gives me the blessing to pursue my passions even though they aren't the things that she would necessarily do or the same things she did when we were growing up. I've never felt like I had to walk in her shoes (although I would be proud to!) She has embraced my decisions of homeschooling, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc. She's even embraced my decision to give birth at home--although the first time she admits she was a complete wreck. I never knew it. And afterward she told me she thought it was the greatest way to give birth! She validates me.
She loves me with an unconditional mother's love. Really. I know sometimes she rolls her eyes (on the inside of course) at things I do or decisions I make. But she loves me and she supports me. What else could I ask for?
One of the most important things my mama ever gave me for my own future happiness is to be a beautiful role of a submissive, loving wife. I always knew my daddy was in charge. And my mama is a "take charge" kind of person for sure! But I knew he had the last say. She has served him and kept her mouth shut at times when I don't know that I would have. But she has shown me what makes a happy marriage for 40+ years. For that I am forever grateful. When so many of my friends have had issues with the word "submission" through the years, I never have. To me it's a beautiful picture of release. I don't have to be in control. I'm not the one who will answer for our family. She taught me that.
And the most important thing that she (and my daddy) gave me was a love for Jesus--a desire to have a family that glorifies Jesus. I have thanked God over and over that I grew up in a home that put Jesus first. No, we weren't perfect. But I always knew that Jesus was center stage. They took me to a church where I regularly heard the Word of God preached and saw my daddy serve as an elder. I saw my mama giving her heart to the Covenant children in our church (and she still does!!) She has served and loved God's family and her own family. When her own mother was dying, she sacrificed to go and stay with her week after week. I'm sure she fretted over leaving us all that time, but you know what? I don't even remember it!! I don't know that I would even know to what extent she was gone if we hadn't had conversations about it since I was an adult. That speaks volumes. She could be gone to love and take care of her own mother that long, and yet I wasn't emotionally affected because of the security I knew in my own parents.
Mama is still teaching me. She has served the children of their church for decades, but now she also loves and mentors young women who are starting their own families. I know how much they love her, and they have every reason to! She's amazing!
And I certainly would be remiss if I didn't mention the grandmother that she is to my children. She is one amazing Mimi. She teaches them--even better than she taught me--about the love of Jesus. I will be forever grateful for her (and for my mother-in-law who has this heart for them as well.)
Yes, I have been blessed. I have an amazing mama who would give anything in the world for me and my kids. And of course following suit here in my differences from her, she did not receive her Mother's Day card in the mail today (I got mine yesterday from her.) She will get hers on Monday, and she'll probably be thankful for the fact that I got it in the mail at all!! Because that's just who she is!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, and mostly Happy Mother's Day to the woman who gave me life and has blessed my life beyond measure and has helped to mold and shape me into who I am today.
I love you, Mama!!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
What I've learned from my kids
I've said it so many times....on this journey of parenthood, my kids have taught me more than I could ever teach them! Yes, this is coming from a home schooling mom who basically teaches her kids everything!
From the very beginning of parenthood, I recognized that my child had been sent here for my sanctification!! Nothing on this earth could have EVER helped this process along like children--specifically my first born! Nothing or no one could have ever made me completely give up myself for another like my child. First lesson of motherhood--there's no room to be selfish! There's no time to think about yourself, your sleep, your clothes, your appearance, your body, your time, you name it--in the beginning it ALL belongs to that baby! I remember the first time I got out of the house by myself with my first born before noon. I was so proud of myself. I think he was about 2 months old by that point!! But there was no one else in the world that I would have given all that for. He taught me that there was a reason to give of myself to make this world a better place. He gave me an even bigger reason to desire to spread God's love to a dying world. He inspired me to be better than who I was. He taught me to give ALL of me to another person--to help shape and mold that eternal soul that God had entrusted to me because when it's all said and done and this life is over.....those eternal souls that we've nurtured and discipled are all that matters!
Another thing that I've learned (or more accurately am still learning) from my children is complete trust in God's promises. I love the way my kids refer to God's Word and what it tells us. They teach me to live it out practically and really BELIEVE it!! Yes, I have taught them the promises. I have tried to be diligent in teaching them God's word so they know what it says. But even though I know what it says, I don't always live like I believe it. So many times I live in the present like that's all there is. My kids are always looking to a future--a future with a resurrected body in a beautiful new world that God has promised us. They love to fantasize about what it will look like, how it will be different, how it will be the same and how they will live out eternity in perfect peace with nothing bad ever happening. On almost a daily basis one of them will come and ask me a question about the "new heavens and new earth." Or they will tell me what they think it will be like. They constantly bring it to my mind. They constantly live with a hope that this isn't all there is. These 70+ years on this earth are a drop in the bucket compared to what we have to look forward to. Everything here is so temporal. The aches and pains, the allergies, the paralysis, the emotional problems, the disabilities, the sadness and heartache, the homelessness, the emptiness..... it's all real in this world. It's hard stuff. It's difficult to live with. But as followers of Christ, we have a hope and promise that it's temporal. We have hope that one day we will live perfectly with bodies that work the way they were intended to before marred by sin and disease. We have hope of living on an earth with no weeds, no pollution, no ugliness--only the majestic glory of our Creator. I'm so thankful that my kids remind me of this so often and teach me to live in that mindset.
One thing that they teach me that isn't very fun is to take notice of my own sinfulness. I thought I was a pretty good person until I had kids. All of a sudden I was seeing things about myself that I didn't like. Where was this anger and impatience coming from? Why was I losing my self control with this little toddler? Why did I never feel like I could be good enough? Loving enough? Joyful enough? I didn't measure up to what I thought I should be. Now "silent confession time" at church didn't seem to be long enough--when before I could never really think of a lot to say! Nothing had really changed. I was always that bad and really had plenty to confess--but now it was brought to the surface. It was in my face everyday. I was seeing (and still do see) the yuckiness of my own heart. I was reminded time and time again of my need for a Savior. I was continually in the situation of having to drop to my knees (whether literally or figuratively) because I didn't have the answers. I couldn't (and can't) parent my kids well enough to make them be who I think they should be. And I constantly am made to be mindful that only God can change my children's heart. Only he can parent them perfectly. By his grace do they, or I, do anything good.
Lastly (for today at least), they have taught me how to love better! They have taught me to love with a love that I didn't know existed. Now, I don't mean to say that I didn't love my husband. I certainly did. But I think I love him better now after having children. I hear people say all the time that the first time their first born child was laid in their arms, they fell completely in love and bonded right away. I can't say that was the case with me. I loved him. I knew that. I still consider the day he was born as the happiest day of my life. But it wasn't instant bonding for me. [(As an aside, I did have an epidural with him and research shows that it can affect bonding--but that's for another post!!) :) I have always felt that the bonding was instant with my other children, but I don't know if that's just because I already knew "how" to be a mom or the whole epidural thing.....] Back to the first born though, I remember about 3 weeks after he was born just feeling this overwhelming since of "I am so in love with this little person and would literally do ANYTHING in the world for him." All of a sudden my heart just gushed with love for him. It was like someone just hooked up an air pump of love to my heart and just wouldn't stop pumping!! :) Like I said, it taught me to love my husband more and better. When I saw him loving our son and being the daddy that God had called him to be, it made me love him even more. With each child, my capacity to love has just expanded. It makes me laugh when people say something to the affect of not wanting a lot of kids because you just can't give them the love that they each need. Ha!! Nothing could be further from the truth. With each baby the love has just multiplied in our house!! They get so many more people to love on them and it just fills my heart to overflowing!
I know that they have taught me so much more. But for now, that's all I'm going to write about. But we all need to take time to learn from these precious little souls--so fresh from God. Yes, I know they are sinners. But I still believe God has so much to teach us through them. I pray that I am continually open to his leading, teaching and loving through them.
From the very beginning of parenthood, I recognized that my child had been sent here for my sanctification!! Nothing on this earth could have EVER helped this process along like children--specifically my first born! Nothing or no one could have ever made me completely give up myself for another like my child. First lesson of motherhood--there's no room to be selfish! There's no time to think about yourself, your sleep, your clothes, your appearance, your body, your time, you name it--in the beginning it ALL belongs to that baby! I remember the first time I got out of the house by myself with my first born before noon. I was so proud of myself. I think he was about 2 months old by that point!! But there was no one else in the world that I would have given all that for. He taught me that there was a reason to give of myself to make this world a better place. He gave me an even bigger reason to desire to spread God's love to a dying world. He inspired me to be better than who I was. He taught me to give ALL of me to another person--to help shape and mold that eternal soul that God had entrusted to me because when it's all said and done and this life is over.....those eternal souls that we've nurtured and discipled are all that matters!
Another thing that I've learned (or more accurately am still learning) from my children is complete trust in God's promises. I love the way my kids refer to God's Word and what it tells us. They teach me to live it out practically and really BELIEVE it!! Yes, I have taught them the promises. I have tried to be diligent in teaching them God's word so they know what it says. But even though I know what it says, I don't always live like I believe it. So many times I live in the present like that's all there is. My kids are always looking to a future--a future with a resurrected body in a beautiful new world that God has promised us. They love to fantasize about what it will look like, how it will be different, how it will be the same and how they will live out eternity in perfect peace with nothing bad ever happening. On almost a daily basis one of them will come and ask me a question about the "new heavens and new earth." Or they will tell me what they think it will be like. They constantly bring it to my mind. They constantly live with a hope that this isn't all there is. These 70+ years on this earth are a drop in the bucket compared to what we have to look forward to. Everything here is so temporal. The aches and pains, the allergies, the paralysis, the emotional problems, the disabilities, the sadness and heartache, the homelessness, the emptiness..... it's all real in this world. It's hard stuff. It's difficult to live with. But as followers of Christ, we have a hope and promise that it's temporal. We have hope that one day we will live perfectly with bodies that work the way they were intended to before marred by sin and disease. We have hope of living on an earth with no weeds, no pollution, no ugliness--only the majestic glory of our Creator. I'm so thankful that my kids remind me of this so often and teach me to live in that mindset.
One thing that they teach me that isn't very fun is to take notice of my own sinfulness. I thought I was a pretty good person until I had kids. All of a sudden I was seeing things about myself that I didn't like. Where was this anger and impatience coming from? Why was I losing my self control with this little toddler? Why did I never feel like I could be good enough? Loving enough? Joyful enough? I didn't measure up to what I thought I should be. Now "silent confession time" at church didn't seem to be long enough--when before I could never really think of a lot to say! Nothing had really changed. I was always that bad and really had plenty to confess--but now it was brought to the surface. It was in my face everyday. I was seeing (and still do see) the yuckiness of my own heart. I was reminded time and time again of my need for a Savior. I was continually in the situation of having to drop to my knees (whether literally or figuratively) because I didn't have the answers. I couldn't (and can't) parent my kids well enough to make them be who I think they should be. And I constantly am made to be mindful that only God can change my children's heart. Only he can parent them perfectly. By his grace do they, or I, do anything good.
Lastly (for today at least), they have taught me how to love better! They have taught me to love with a love that I didn't know existed. Now, I don't mean to say that I didn't love my husband. I certainly did. But I think I love him better now after having children. I hear people say all the time that the first time their first born child was laid in their arms, they fell completely in love and bonded right away. I can't say that was the case with me. I loved him. I knew that. I still consider the day he was born as the happiest day of my life. But it wasn't instant bonding for me. [(As an aside, I did have an epidural with him and research shows that it can affect bonding--but that's for another post!!) :) I have always felt that the bonding was instant with my other children, but I don't know if that's just because I already knew "how" to be a mom or the whole epidural thing.....] Back to the first born though, I remember about 3 weeks after he was born just feeling this overwhelming since of "I am so in love with this little person and would literally do ANYTHING in the world for him." All of a sudden my heart just gushed with love for him. It was like someone just hooked up an air pump of love to my heart and just wouldn't stop pumping!! :) Like I said, it taught me to love my husband more and better. When I saw him loving our son and being the daddy that God had called him to be, it made me love him even more. With each child, my capacity to love has just expanded. It makes me laugh when people say something to the affect of not wanting a lot of kids because you just can't give them the love that they each need. Ha!! Nothing could be further from the truth. With each baby the love has just multiplied in our house!! They get so many more people to love on them and it just fills my heart to overflowing!
I know that they have taught me so much more. But for now, that's all I'm going to write about. But we all need to take time to learn from these precious little souls--so fresh from God. Yes, I know they are sinners. But I still believe God has so much to teach us through them. I pray that I am continually open to his leading, teaching and loving through them.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Hills, Heat and Humidity!! 3 killers!
Aaahhh! As you may know, I've been running now for a few months. Now, I would NOT consider myself a "runner." If asked if I like to run, I usually answer, "Not really. But it's a quick, easy way to get in a workout." ("easy" being a relative term there!!) The fact is, I can walk out my front door, step onto my personal workout space and go. The time it takes for me to run 3-4 miles (between 30-40 minutes) is the time of my workout. No time spent in the car getting to the gym. No expensive workout equipment. So there ya go. It has become my exercise mode of choice. It's been a relatively nice experience--time alone, listening to whatever music I like, watching spring bloom in Knoxville for the first time, and very recently having my nose tickled by delicious scents of jasmine and honeysuckle. I haven't really even minded the hills too much. Every now and then I drive up to a track if Jon is home or we take all the kids to the park there while I run. But usually I hit the hills in my neighborhood. They haven't been too extremely bad....until this week.
This week has added a new element to my running experience--heat and humidity!! Oh man! Now, I'm not complaining too badly because I know it's not Naples!! But Naples doesn't have hills! :) The combination is killing me. Wednesday I started my run too late in the day--around 10:30. I'm not a morning person. Anyone who knows me well knows that!! So morning running is killer for me. I would much prefer running in the evening, but that doesn't always work with a family. It's been relatively easy to get up, get our day going, get the older kids started on their schoolwork, work some with Shepley and then head out the door. With the nice weather, that's been great. But now May is here with a vengeance. After Wednesday's run, I knew I couldn't do that again.
Today I headed out around 9 am thinking that would be good enough. I guess it was "good enough" but I'm thinking this summer running is gonna kill me. I may have to start running in the middle of the night or something.
I have never planned to do any "race" running--maybe a 5K or even work up to 10K. But that's about it. Two of my best friends in the world just ran in the Nashville half marathon. I was very proud of them but kept telling them there was no way I would ever do one. I have no desire!! But one of them was talking to me about she and her husband wanting to do the New Orleans half. I said I would interested in joining them for the fun afterward but not the race. Now Jon wants to go (next March) and run, and he wants me to run as well. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually entertaining this idea. Whenever I'm not actually running I think, "I've got time. I can do this." But when I'm in the act itself I think, "No way am I doing that!" :) We'll see what happens.....
This week has added a new element to my running experience--heat and humidity!! Oh man! Now, I'm not complaining too badly because I know it's not Naples!! But Naples doesn't have hills! :) The combination is killing me. Wednesday I started my run too late in the day--around 10:30. I'm not a morning person. Anyone who knows me well knows that!! So morning running is killer for me. I would much prefer running in the evening, but that doesn't always work with a family. It's been relatively easy to get up, get our day going, get the older kids started on their schoolwork, work some with Shepley and then head out the door. With the nice weather, that's been great. But now May is here with a vengeance. After Wednesday's run, I knew I couldn't do that again.
Today I headed out around 9 am thinking that would be good enough. I guess it was "good enough" but I'm thinking this summer running is gonna kill me. I may have to start running in the middle of the night or something.
I have never planned to do any "race" running--maybe a 5K or even work up to 10K. But that's about it. Two of my best friends in the world just ran in the Nashville half marathon. I was very proud of them but kept telling them there was no way I would ever do one. I have no desire!! But one of them was talking to me about she and her husband wanting to do the New Orleans half. I said I would interested in joining them for the fun afterward but not the race. Now Jon wants to go (next March) and run, and he wants me to run as well. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually entertaining this idea. Whenever I'm not actually running I think, "I've got time. I can do this." But when I'm in the act itself I think, "No way am I doing that!" :) We'll see what happens.....
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