Be Disappointed!!

This morning as I was getting ready in my bathroom, Cama-Jane walked in and complained, "Netflix isn't working again!" I said, "I'm sorry." She repeated herself, this time a little more whiny and demanding, "Netflix isn't WORKING!" Once again I said, "I'm sorry," and added, "I can't fix it." She raised her voice another couple of octaves and emphatically yelled, "NETFLIX ISN'T WORKING!!!" I stopped what I was doing, looked at her, and once again said, "I'm sorry. I can't fix it. What do you want me to do??" With furrowed brows and fists clenched tightly, she stomped her foot, looked up at me and loudly squeaked, "Be disappointed!"

Ahhhh, be disappointed....

Isn't that just what we all want sometimes? Someone to just be disappointed with us? Someone to feel some sympathy? Wallow in our pain for a bit? This is what husbands are usually so bad at!! We tell them a problem, and they want to fix it, and they think that's what we're wanting too! (Just like I assumed CJ wanted me to.) Sometimes, just like my daughter, we know there's nothing that can be done as a "quick fix." We just have to wait it out, but in the meantime it's nice to have someone down in the pit just to understand, just to sympathize, just to be disappointed with you! 

(Don't get me wrong. I'm not bashing husbands!! No, this is not a place for that. They are awesome when we really need the answers to "how to fix it!!" But that's for another day.)

I think Jesus understood this. In Matthew 28:11 he says, "Come to me, all who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Could Jesus fix our problems?? Of course he could. It's kind of his specialty! But that's not the help he offers here. He just says, I know you need someone to rest in. You are tired. You are weary. Life stinks right now. I'll take your disappointments, ease them, and give you a glimpse of eternity where they won't matter anymore!" 

Do I think Jesus wants us to wallow in self pity or guilt or sorrow? No!! He offers more than just a listening ear. He may not give a solution right away, but he gives something even better. He gives us the gift of rest. He offers to take it all away. He takes away the worry, and he replaces it with peace of mind. He gives us the option of an anxiety free life! That's way better than just "being disappointed" with us!

So the next time you have a friend who just needs you to listen to their problems, sympathize with them and "be disappointed," go ahead a wallow a little bit--because all women need a little understanding. Then point them to Jesus. Remind them that He can take their burdens. Whisper to them the truths of our great God. He has not forgotten them. And maybe Jesus will use you to help them get a glimpse of eternity, of the glorious future that is laid before us as children of the one true King. 

Benefits of beets, beet juice and beet kvass

I'm writing this post to further continue my last post that contained the beet kvass recipe. I didn't have time to explain the benefits of beets and lacto-fermentation. But I wanted to do that because beets are amazing little roots with so many health benefits. Many people think they don't like beets, but I wonder how many of those people haven't even tried them as adults!! And maybe once you find out all the nutrition in them, you may be less reluctant to "develop a taste." And, selfishly, I'm hoping to convince my husband to drink the kvass I've got brewing!! :)

Beets are pure medicine for the blood! They are a blood cleanser and blood alkalizer. They lower blood pressure and decrease the risk of blood clots because they are converted to nitric acid in the body which works as a vasodilator. This means they actually help blood vessels open allowing blood and oxygen to flow more smoothly! Pretty impressive, I'd say!

Beets are also a liver cleanser--a perfect tonic, you might say. Beet Kvass is a good treatment for kidney stones.

Our family has enjoyed beets for years. Well, enjoyed may be too strong of a words for the other members of my family. They have eaten them, but I definitely enjoy them!! I love to add them to my juicing regiment as well.

But when I recently learned about beet kvass and the lacto-fermentation of beets, I was intrigued. I know that fermented food acts as strong probiotics to produce good gut flora--which is essential to a healthy lifestyle.

"Professor Zabel observed that sick people always lack digestive juices, not only during the acute phase of their illness but also for a longtime afterwards. In addition, he never saw a cancer victim that had a healthy intestinal flora....Thus, the different lacto-fermented foods are a valuable aid to the cancer patient. They are rich in vitamins and minerals and contain as well enzymes that cancer patients lack." ~~Annelies Schoneck Des Crudites Toute L'Annee  (Excerpt taken from Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon.)

Beet juice also contains quercetin, resveratrol, and other powerful antioxidants. Quercetin has been linked to supporting the immune system, clearing excess congestion, supporting bone health, and may aid in fighting mild allergy problems. My oldest son takes quercetin quite often during different times of the year. Quercetin and resveratrol are both polyphenols. Many scientists have realized that polyphenols are among the most effective natural agents for helping to prevent some of the chronic diseases of aging, including cardiovascular disease and neurodegenerative diseases—and perhaps for helping to slow the aging process itself.

So, after all of that, tell me you're not willing to even try it??? Come on! What do you have to lose? It's some pretty powerful stuff. You are what you eat, remember? People don't say that so much anymore, but it's still just as true! 

*The difference between lacto-fermentation and regular fermentation is that lacto-fermenation produces lactic acid; whereas regular fermentation produces alcohol.*

Beet Kvass:My first batch

I recently found a recipe for beet kvass--a fermented beet drink. I'm so excited about this as beets have so much nutrition and tons of vitamins. To see the benefits of beets, fermentation and beet kvass, see this post.

Recipe:
2 quart jar with lid
3 medium beets, peeled and coarsely chopped
2 tsp of sea salt
2 tsp of whey (or just double the salt instead of using whey)
1 lemon sliced
Chopped ginger
Filtered water

Put all ingredients into jar and fill with filtered water. Leave on counter for at least 2 days. Longer for more fermentation. I'm planning to leave 2 days and test. But probably will leave 3. After you've got it like you want it, put it in the frige.

The original recipe I saw didn't have ginger or lemons. Someone suggested those. I was going to add tumeric as well. I thought I had some but I didn't.

The beet greens I'm looking forward to juicing when my juicer comes Monday!!! (Hopefully Monday!!)

Miscarriage and the hurts of life

No one was more surprised than me. No one.

As I watched that little blue line appear and get darker and darker, a feeling of complete disbelief washed over me. My heart beat faster, my breathing increased, and tears sprang to my eyes. My entire body was frozen and time stood still.

*How could this happen?*

I do know the answer to that. Believe me, I do. I know many people think it's cute and funny to ask parents of large families if they know "how this happens" but it's not original, and it gets old after awhile. So there. I'm just sayin'....

But in that moment in time I did wonder *how could this happen to us?*

We had been resolute in our decision not to have any more biological children and were taking the necessary steps to prevent that. So the question again....

I immediately shared my new surprise information with a trusted old friend. I just needed to have the confirmation that yes, this was a blessing! Of course I knew it was, but it always helps to hear it from someone else as well.

I knew what Jon's reaction would be so I waited to tell him. We were planning a trip to get away--just the two of us--for three days. I prepared to tell him then so that he would have plenty of time away from the stress of reality and every day life to let this news sink in.

In the meantime, my excitement grew. I had gotten rid of all my baby clothes, maternity clothes, baby "stuff" of all kinds. So I began to steal glances at all the tiny things I saw. Thoughts of "wearing" my baby again, as I always do when my babies are small, made me smile. Memories of my nose in soft, squishy, baby smelling necks washed over me and along with those came the anticipation of another precious bundle to hold and cuddle and enjoy. I knew my kids were going to be thrilled. And I knew that they were going to give this baby as much love and snuggle time as I was!!

Yes, this was a gift from heaven. An unplanned and unexpected gift. And I couldn't be happier.

Jon's reaction was about what I expected, but soon he too was excited at the prospect of another little blessing around here. The kids were over the moon and my girls went to sleep every night with thoughts of snuggling and cuddling and rocking their new baby dancing through their dreams. Everyone began making plans and thinking about sharing their room with the baby. Offers came from all the children, and each had their own idea of how to rearrange their furniture to "fit" this new addition.

And then the unexpected happened. My body seemed to be a pregnancy machine, well oiled and working. Somehow it didn't seem like the "odds" would catch up with me. But they did. 1 in 5 babies are miscarried. All of a sudden I was another statistic sitting in an Emergency Room talking with an OB whom I had never met. He was a compassionate man in his late 50's/ early 60's. Even after that many years of talking about miscarriage, he had tears in his eyes as he told me that this baby, this unexpected blessing, this unknown dream would never have life on this earth.

Over the few weeks before I had spent countless amounts of time praying for this baby, giving this baby over to God, acknowledging that Jesus held her* in his hands. I felt like I heard God over and over whispering two words.

"Trust Me."

But I've known Jesus for a long time, you see. And I know that when God says, "Trust Me" that doesn't always mean things are going to turn out like I want them to. But what I do know is that I can trust him. I can trust him because He does, in fact, hold everything in his hands. The old Spiritual song "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" is one of the truest, simplest doctrines there is. And because of that, because he really does have the whole world in his hands, I can trust him.

Yes, I have cried and I have hurt. I won't deny that. My children have cried and hurt as well. And even my practical husband, who didn't know how we could make this happen when I first told him, got his world rocked that day in the hospital. My baby that I already had so many plans for was gone.

I found myself not wanting to see anyone or respond to texts or messages or email. I appreciated every one of them immensely. I felt the body of Christ in a huge way. I felt loved in a way that I hadn't before. And that was wonderful. But I just wanted to cocoon up with my "little" family and mourn. I needed to be with my children. I needed to cry with my husband. And I did those things.

I can't claim to know how every woman who has had a miscarriage feels. Over the few days after it happened when I saw a pregnant woman or a new baby, my heart was sad thinking about "what could've been" over the next few months. But I've had that before. I've had five wonderful pregnancies and six beautiful, healthy children. Who am I to ask for more? My heart ached for the women who experience this and yet have no children to comfort them as they mourn, no little voices to fill the empty void with the sound of the word, "Mommy." I can't even begin to comprehend.

I came into this hard experience from a place of fullness. To say my life is full is almost an understatement. I love my life. I love what I do. I was made to be a mommy--God confirms that in me over and over. So even though this was hard, I have had so many people praying for me, loving me through this, speaking words of encouragement and faith into my life. I have had my strong husband who was softened by this experience. I have had my precious children who have spoken their hurts, cried when they needed to and asked the hard questions. And I have had sweet friends who expected nothing from me and let me be me--crying when I needed to and also laughing as well.

No, I can't claim to understand other people's pain. I can't even fathom the feelings of the woman who finds out she will never have a baby come forth from her womb.  I can't claim to understand the pain of the woman who continues to lose baby after baby from her body and struggles with thoughts that her body has failed her. And I can't imagine being the woman who watches the life slowly drain out of the body of her beloved child and wonders how she herself will ever take another breath without willing it to happen.

I have known all of these women. They are strong, beautiful women who have known the pain and the hurt that this life can bring. They've felt first hand the affects of sin on this world in a tangible way. But all of these women that I've known have also known Jesus. I may not have responded to them in the right way. I may not have known the right words. I may not have even said anything. But I know that Jesus has gotten all of them through it. And I know that even though my sadness is real, it can never compare to what so many people in this world endure.

My family knows an exciting truth. We know that one day we will see our little "Emmy," the child conceived in my womb who some would refer to as a "genetic mishap." My precious little girls have drawn pictures of the day that they will meet her. And even though it's brought floods of tears from me, it is healing for them as they anticipate that day. But even greater than that, on that day we will see our Savior and all the hurt and all the pain of this world will be erased. What a beautiful promise to look forward to as we serve our Sovereign God today.

*We did not know the sex of the baby for sure, but I felt just like I did when I was pregnant with the girls. My pregnancies have been very distinctly different betweens boys and girls so we have assumed this was a girl and named appropriately.*

When Facebook sucks

Over the years I've loved Facebook. It's been a way for me to keep in touch with my friends that I've moved away from or who have moved away from me throughout the years of my life. I've reconnected and rekindled relationships and formed new ones as well. Facebook can also be a great tool for spreading good news!! I've used it myself for that a few times.

But now I'm learning that it sucks when that good news turns to bad news, and you've shared it with all of your 800 or something friends. Yes, you can probably guess, we found out yesterday that we lost this precious baby. Without going into detail, I'll just tell you that (as you can imagine) our hearts are heavy and our emotions are raw. Our kids are dealing with this on a different level--the level of a child. They are all dealing in their own way, but they are grieving. My sweet Shepley cried for hours last night, as I knew she would. LH and Breck cried as well, but they bounced back faster. CJ just had lots of questions. Her five year old mind just can't quite comprehend this. She keeps saying, "I wish the baby was still in your tummy." *So do I, baby girl, so do I*

Jon and I are crushed as well. We had really gotten excited about the idea of another baby around here and seven children. It just seemed right and natural for us. It's one of those things that we just don't always know the answers to, and yet we know that it's all in the hands of our Savior.

We appreciate all of the texts and emails already from people who knew Friday that I was starting this and yesterday as we found out really what was happening. We know we are loved, and that's about the most important thing right now. Shepley told me she didn't want to go anywhere for a long time or see anyone. I told her I understood exactly how she felt.

I think Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to feel a little bit empty this year. I was so excited to think about having a brand new baby for the holidays. How fun that would be!! But those were not the plans for us.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."  ~Job 1:21 

The Journey Continues

So a couple of weeks ago, I posted about the journey of life. Things have kind of been on hold here for a little bit while I've been processing this next step in our journey as a family.

You may also remember if you read my new year's blog that I listed a lot of things that I had "learned" during 2012. Don't ever do that. Especially with something that you really don't have control over!!

One of those statements was "I'm done having biological children" and another was "I'm too old to have a 2 year old."

Well, God is saying, "Oh no, honey! Negative to both of those statements!!"

Yes, you read that right. We are having another baby. Baby Richards #7 is due sometime around the beginning of November 2013. And I'm so happy! :)

In my last blog post, I talked about how each of us was called to "take up our [own] cross" and to deny ourselves. Admittedly, I did feel this way in the beginning. It was quite a shock for me to process when I'm turning 40 in September to think that once again, I'm starting over. Cedar has been such a rambunctious ball of joy (and I say that with ALL sincerity) that it was hard for me to think about going through this 2-3 age again in three years!! But the same God who parted the Red Sea and the same God who raised Lazarus from the dead is the same God who will sustain this 40-something year old body through toddlerhood and my 50-something year old body through the teenage years. And he's the same God that will sustain me through 30+ straight years of homeschooling.

In the couple of weeks that I've had to process this news, God has taken me all over the place. But the place where he's always got me is right in the middle of his plan--his sovereign, gracious plan that he has promised is to give me a "hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I can rest in the knowledge that my Savior has it all planned out, and this baby is not a footnote or a surprise to him. This life was planned out and known before the foundation of the world. And even as He is knitting this precious one together, the days of his life are already formed and written in His book. (Psalm 139:16.)

What an awesome Savior we serve! I am in awe of his graciousness to me--to give me yet another chance to give life to an eternal soul. What a privilege we have as women to grow life in our womb and bring it forth for his glory.

My children are thrilled. They couldn't be happier to share their lives with another blessing. I'm also blessed to have parents and in-laws and family members who are happy for us. I know that this isn't always so with big families.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know where this baby's clothes will go or anything else. I know he/she will sleep with us for the first few months. After that, I can't tell ya what's going to happen!! :) I have no more maternity clothes, no infant car seat, no high chair or bumbo, no baby swing or exersaucer. Ha ha!!

But I do know that there will be plenty of arms to hold this baby, lips to kiss it all over, and love to smother it with. And I know that this mama and daddy are very ready and excited to welcome another precious gift of life and love into our already "very full" world!!

Thank you, Jesus!

The Journey

If I have learned anything in these last few years it's that life is a real journey. Sometimes the journey is easy and light and fun! The Disneyworld vacation time of life!! Other times we trudge through muck and mud and all the yuckiness that goes with it. And then there are the dry desert times.

Through all of these times of our life we learn. Some learn better than others. That doesn't necessarily mean the rest of the journey is easier. It usually just means you can enjoy it more. Learning not only to "live through" but actually "find joy in" life's hard times is a gift--one that we should all seek to find.

I believe one way we find joy in the hard times is truly surrendering ourselves to God's will for our lives. I've got some stuff going on right now that I can't talk about yet, and he is teaching me volumes about surrendering to his will and what that truly means.

About a year ago I blogged about a song that meant a lot to me. It's by Sidewalk Prophets. It's called "You can have me." I'm going to put the lyrics here again because they hit so close to home for me right now.

"If I saw you on the street, and you said, 'Come and follow me,'

But I had to give up everything--all I once held dear and all of my dreams.

Would I love you enough to let go?

Or would my love run dry when you asked for my life?

When did love become unmoving?

When did love become unconsuming?

Forgetting what the world has told me.

Father of Love, you can have me.

You can have me.

If you're all you claim to be then I'm not losing anything.

So I will crawl upon my knees just to know the joy of suffering. 

I will love you enough to let go.

Lord, I give you my life. I give you my life!!

When did love become unmoving?

When did love become unconsuming?

Forgetting what the world has told me.

Father of Love, you can have me.

You can me.

I wanna be where you are.

I'm running into your arms.

And I will never look back

So, Jesus, here is my heart!

When did love become unmoving?

When did love become unconsuming?

Forgetting what the world has told me.

Father of Love, you can have me.

My Father, my Love, you can have me."

~Sidewalk Prophets

"You can have me"

These Simple Truths (album)

As I'm struggling through something right now, this spoke in a huge way to me yesterday. This is one of those songs that you can sing along to no big deal--until something happens and God is really asking you to give him your everything. We THINK we give him everything all the time. Then when he really asks, we see how much we hold back.

He's been teaching me that everyone has their own cross to bear in this life, and that they are all different. My cross doesn't look like anyone else's. Sometimes other people's look like styrofoam compared to mine. But then it's not too hard to look around and see others struggling to even stand or crawl under the weight of theirs. It's not for me to judge or tell God what cross I want. He only tells us "Take up your cross and follow me." (Luke 9:23) Right before he says that, he tells us to deny ourselves. That's part of it. 

Denying ourselves can mean so many things. For some, it may mean physically denying food or comforts. For others it may mean denying the easy life. It's as individual as knowing what stands in the way between us and God (our idols) and denying ourselves those things so that we can walk more closely with him and look more like him. Sometimes he sends things into our lives to "help" us deny ourselves a little more. Those things can be tough to take. 

But even though I'm learning what it means to deny myself right now, to take up my cross, to follow him daily--I'm choosing joy in the journey. And when I'm able to share what's going on in my life right now, it will be with a joyful heart that has hopefully comes to grips with what it's going to take to continue to follow my Jesus unabashedly!