2012 in Reflection

Happy New Year!!     2013???    Crazy!!!

As I think about my 2012 year, I think with all honesty it has been the hardest year of my life.

SO. MANY. CHANGES.

When Jon announced in September of 2011 that we would be moving to Knoxville, TN (and that he would be going in two weeks!) it was kind of a whirlwind. I found out that we were going for sure around September 3, and I was moved out of our beloved Naples home and staying in GA with my parents by October 20. Having been without my husband for about 6 weeks, our whole family moved into a cabin in Pigeon Forge, TN for about 3 weeks on Nov. 1 where we stayed until we closed on our new home in Knoxville.

During that time we drove to Chicago (well, I drove with kids, Jon flew because of work.... still a little bitter about that one :)) for his grandmother's funeral. We also drove down to Winder, GA for Thanksgiving. After that we finally started to get settled into our new home, find a church, had two sets of grandparents visit, find our way around, etc. So we decided to spend Christmas at home, away from family, for the first time EVER! That was hard, but it was needed rest! So there wasn't a whole lot of time to think about being sad or regrets or anything really.

So in January of 2012 when the dust began to settle and we were searching for some sort of normalcy, the reality hit me like the proverbial "ton of bricks." This place called Naples, FL from where I had been desperately trying to escape since the day I moved there in August of 2000, had become Home somewhere along the way. Who knew? Certainly not me. I had always hated the weather there (at least 8 months out of the year) and that was no secret to anyone who knew me! I didn't think the thousands of snowbirds who descended there every October to January and stayed thru April were (on the whole)  all that nice nor did they seem very "kid-friendly." It was hard to live in a place where the average age is 65. Now, that's actually down from years before, and the younger population is growing; but it still is what it is! I had longed for seasons, for reasons to buy cute winter clothes, to wear boots and scarves, for the colors of fall and maybe even a few snowflakes (at least have the possibility of it!) Truth be told, I had longed to be back in the South--where the tea is sweet, the people are sweeter and words are stretched out long and slow. I grew up in GA, and I had missed the Southern hospitality, Southern style, Southern atmosphere. I had missed monogrammed bath towels and monogrammed kids' clothes. I had missed so much about my beloved South.

So why wasn't I thrilled to be right smack in the middle of it all? Our family had begun to take frequent trips over to the Smokies to hike. That was a great thing!! We found a church that preached the Word of God, and we were really enjoying the worship. That was a great thing!! We were living in a neighborhood with a few kids around (which our kids had never had) and they were NICE kids. That was a great thing!! I had joined a Bible study at church and was beginning to develop some friendships. That was a great thing!! So many great things..... people were friendly, accents were even better than I remembered :), mountains were close, we were enjoying our first winter in years, monogrammed items abounded!! I even indulged in a glass of real sweet tea a couple of times!! What more could I want?

I'd like to share a few things with you that I've learned this year. No particular order really. Some serious, some not so serious. Just things that have been floating around in my head lately. Maybe one of these things will be encouraging to you.

The first thing I've learned (or rather, relearned....) is God always meets me where I am. The story of Jesus' birth shows us this clearly. He came, leaving perfect love, perfect fellowship, perfect glory, wrapped in human flesh to enter a sinful and ugly world to meet us where we were. Why would I ever think any differently of Him now? He's always there....wherever I am. In the heights of excitement, He's there. In the depths of sadness, He's there. In the midst of apathy, He's there. In the mundaneness of everyday life, changing diapers, cleaning bathrooms, cooking supper, my good days and bad ones....He's there as well. He's there in the way of a verse that pops into my head. He's there in the way of a friend with an encouraging word. He's there in a phone call with a much needed familiar voice on the other end. He's there in a husband who tries to hide his own stress and sympathize with me about mine. He's there in an unexpected hug or kiss from one of the kids. He's there in family members who try to do what they can to make this transition easier. He's there in His Word. He speaks to me and meets me where I am to continue to make me into who he has planned for me to be.

Moving was not as easy as I thought it would be! Seriously, I thought it would be no big deal. I like change. I'm adaptable. I can get along with most people. I like adventure. And I had my family. What more could I need? Oh I was wrong. Moving eight people 14 hours away with no family and no friends was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. What made it even harder was having a husband in a new position at a new hospital who had to work all the time. It was me that was in Naples when the packers/movers came (yes, I know how fortunate I am to have that done for me!!) Jon flew into Naples just in time to load us all in the car and drive out of town an hour later. It was me that was there the day that they unloaded all the stuff once again at our home in Knoxville. (And did I mention I had never even seen the house that Jon found and bought before I moved up here?) My hard working husband couldn't make it work to take any time off. You should have seen the movers faces when I told them it was just them and me....and six kids. But even after all the logistics were taken care of, it has just been HARD! I've found that moving to Naples in 2000 with one 3 year old was very easy. It was easy to pick up and go to the park with new friends; it was easy to go out to lunch, go to MOPS, find time to develop relationships. Moving while homeschooling 4 kids along with a pre schooler and an 18 month old....not quite as easy.

Sleep is overrated. I've always felt like I needed my sleep. Tell that to a toddler who has slept in 11 different places over the span of 3 weeks. Yep. I figured it out once during our transition of moving here. For the first two months he woke up 3, 4, 5 times a night. Then there were the little girls who needed night time snuggles as well. Cedar didn't sleep through the night again until May when he was almost two. The girls continue their need for nighttime snuggles at least 5 times a week!    

Never take family for granted. In Naples we lived in the same town as Jon's parents and brother and his wife. We tried to have pretty regular dinners together and time to spend. I tried not to use them too much for babysitting or anything, but if I was in a real bind, I could call. Jon's dad especially would just call out of the blue to ask what he could do to make my life easier that day. Sometimes I think about how nice that would be again. I miss them!

A good church family is just as important as the blood kind. But oh man, does it make it even harder to leave then!! Seriously, the absolute hardest part about leaving. It's so hard to go back. The people just know me. They know my kids. It's home. It's hard.

I don't want to be anyone's life coach. I don't want to tell anyone else how to live. I know many of you might smirk at this because I have more than my share of opinions about A LOT of things!! :) And when asked, I will tell you those opinions. And, yes, sometimes I post these opinions on my FB profile, but I don't make you read them. Just like for people to be informed that there are options out there that differ from the mainstream. That's all!

Pinterest is evil. Yes, I believe it. It's of the devil. It makes women all over feel inferior and underachieving. And for those of you out there who love it--good for you! But it makes me feel like a failure so I hate it.

Nothing could ever hurt me as badly as someone hurting my child. 'Nuff said.

Relationships take time. But the ones that you take the time to develop are the ones that last.

A good friend tells it to you straight but nicely. They don't sit by and watch you screw up (or screw up your kid) but they are willing to be used by Jesus to tell you the truth--even if it's not easy.

Homeschooling really was the right choice for us. Maybe you wonder why I put this on here as something I learned this year. Well, maybe it was just confirmed. Jon and I questioned it a lot this year--especially about our oldest. Did we do the right thing? Would he be more comfortable in new situations if he had been in school? Would he have better study habits? Would he be better at making new friends? (He's really struggled with this being here in Knoxville.) On and on..... We really questioned our decision. But we knew we couldn't go back and change it so what was the use in thinking about it. But over the last month or so God has shown me that, yes, it was the right decision. I can't point to one specific thing or reason. But he has shown me that even if maybe all of those other things had happened and been true (if he had been in school) I have no idea knowing what else might be true about him as well. I have no way of knowing what might have been so I only need to trust in what I know.... we followed God's leading to homeschool our children and He's working that out for our (and our kids') good as well!

I really do love birth, babies, mamas, and all that. I have missed it so much this year. I haven't had the opportunity to get into the birth world of Knoxville like I would have wanted to. It took much more than I thought to settle our family in here so I've missed out. That's okay, but I have a couple of prospects in the works that look good. Can't wait to get back to it!!

Going to the gym doesn't mean you'll lose weight. Oh yes. I joined a gym for the first time in 17 years. I worked out faithfully for six weeks. I gained 4 freaking pounds. (And don't tell me it was muscle. It wasn't. It was all in my stomach!) Because you see, when I work out--I crave CARBS!!! And carbs are baaaaaad for me!!! So I stopped working out, and I lost all 4 pounds again. Of course, then came the holidays......and yes, I'm starting the New Year about 5 pounds upward of where I want to be. But that's okay because January is here. Now it's all about self control. :)

I am no longer a "young" mom. I never thought it would happen. When I became a mother at 23 years old, I was ALWAYS the youngest. ALWAYS. There were so many older moms in Naples with young children that it seemed to perpetuate my youth. But moving here has shown me I'm not who I once was. I'm getting old.

I'm too old to have a 2 year old. Oh yes, it's true. He's about worn me out. As much as I love him, he's faster, quicker and stronger than me already!!

I'm done having biological children. Shocker, I know. *See above comment*

I'd really like to adopt again. This is a prayer of my heart. I'd love to adopt an older child. Jon's heart is not exactly there yet because he's thinking about the financial aspect of it. I don't think with my brain. I think with my heart. But I'm content to wait and see what Jesus has for us.

Having six children is way more expensive than I ever thought about it being. This may seem like a no-brainer to some. But I'm serious when I say I never gave it a thought. Good thing, I guess!! I always wanted a big family. This year with groceries going up like they have and gas prices being what they are, wow! We've come to the conclusion that we will never be able to fly to a vacation destination as a family. It's just too expensive. Maybe one day when we don't have so many at home! :) It's okay, they got to enjoy it when they were younger.

God sometimes takes us to a hard place and leaves us there for awhile. Our pastor here in Knoxville said this in a sermon awhile back, and it really stuck with me. As Americanized Christians, we expects to have our needs taken care of immediately. We're fine to learn a lesson, but when it take a bit too long we wonder where God is. We decide we must be having a "dry spell" in our spiritual walk. But sometimes we just have to sit and stay in our hard place! How can Jesus ever be our ALL IN ALL if we never need him to be??

and last but not least.....

My closest friends are invaluable. My college friends (from over 20 years ago) are still the friends that I text every. single. day. They know everything about me--maybe even more than Jon. They have helped me through every single situation since I've known them, and I've helped them the same. I also have some very close friends from Naples as well that I talk to on a regular (or pretty regular) basis. Some I've known for 12 years. Some I've known for 2. It doesn't matter. When Jesus brings you a true friend, embrace it. Now I also have good friends in Knoxville. True friendships. People who have listened to me, understood me, and loved me. I'm so thankful for all these friendships. As I said, they are invaluable.

So I go into 2013 not knowing what lies ahead, but I do know the One who holds the future in his hands. So I rest. Even though my house isn't any cleaner, my body is a few pounds heavier, my life is the same amount disorganized..... I rest. In Jesus. Because his grace is sufficient for me.