Through all of these times of our life we learn. Some learn better than others. That doesn't necessarily mean the rest of the journey is easier. It usually just means you can enjoy it more. Learning not only to "live through" but actually "find joy in" life's hard times is a gift--one that we should all seek to find.
I believe one way we find joy in the hard times is truly surrendering ourselves to God's will for our lives. I've got some stuff going on right now that I can't talk about yet, and he is teaching me volumes about surrendering to his will and what that truly means.
About a year ago I blogged about a song that meant a lot to me. It's by Sidewalk Prophets. It's called "You can have me." I'm going to put the lyrics here again because they hit so close to home for me right now.
"If I saw you on the street, and you said, 'Come and follow me,'
But I had to give up everything--all I once held dear and all of my dreams.
Would I love you enough to let go?
Or would my love run dry when you asked for my life?
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me.
Father of Love, you can have me.
You can have me.
If you're all you claim to be then I'm not losing anything.
So I will crawl upon my knees just to know the joy of suffering.
I will love you enough to let go.
Lord, I give you my life. I give you my life!!
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me.
Father of Love, you can have me.
You can me.
I wanna be where you are.
I'm running into your arms.
And I will never look back
So, Jesus, here is my heart!
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me.
Father of Love, you can have me.
My Father, my Love, you can have me."
~Sidewalk Prophets
"You can have me"
These Simple Truths (album)
As I'm struggling through something right now, this spoke in a huge way to me yesterday. This is one of those songs that you can sing along to no big deal--until something happens and God is really asking you to give him your everything. We THINK we give him everything all the time. Then when he really asks, we see how much we hold back.
He's been teaching me that everyone has their own cross to bear in this life, and that they are all different. My cross doesn't look like anyone else's. Sometimes other people's look like styrofoam compared to mine. But then it's not too hard to look around and see others struggling to even stand or crawl under the weight of theirs. It's not for me to judge or tell God what cross I want. He only tells us "Take up your cross and follow me." (Luke 9:23) Right before he says that, he tells us to deny ourselves. That's part of it.
Denying ourselves can mean so many things. For some, it may mean physically denying food or comforts. For others it may mean denying the easy life. It's as individual as knowing what stands in the way between us and God (our idols) and denying ourselves those things so that we can walk more closely with him and look more like him. Sometimes he sends things into our lives to "help" us deny ourselves a little more. Those things can be tough to take.
But even though I'm learning what it means to deny myself right now, to take up my cross, to follow him daily--I'm choosing joy in the journey. And when I'm able to share what's going on in my life right now, it will be with a joyful heart that has hopefully comes to grips with what it's going to take to continue to follow my Jesus unabashedly!
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