Some of what I've learned about homeschooling

17 years ago I decided I'd like to try my hand at homeschooling. It wasn't going to be forever. It would be just long enough to "get him ahead" and over the energetic boy years. Jon and I discussed it and decided it would be a good thing for our inquisitive, highly emotional, determined little boy. So being who I am (and coming with a teaching degree and no other kids at the time) I sat down and wrote out a curriculum for 3 and 4 year old preschool. Hahahaha!!! I laugh at that now, but at the time I was convinced he'd be "behind" if he didn't have that. Well, we worked hard, we had fun, we both learned (and cried) A LOT....and the rest is history. That boy graduated from our homeschool two years ago, hiked the Appalachian Trail, and is now about to graduate as an internationally certified commercial diver doing what he's always dreamed of doing.

Starting with his kindergarten year, we added a lot of babies along the way. In all 13 years of his "formal schooling" there wasn't one year without a baby or toddler for distraction. My youngest was 4 when my oldest graduated, and that was a close as we ever got. At times I questioned whether we were really doing the right thing. Should he be somewhere that he could be more focused? Was I giving him everything he needed to prepare for life? You have no idea how many moms have asked me over the years, "What do you do with your babies and toddlers while you homeschool? What are the tricks to keeping them busy and happy while you work with the others? HOW DO YOU DO THIS??" My answer: "It looks different every.single.day." If you want concrete answers and you're good with schedules and all that jazz, there are plenty of homeschooling gurus out there who can give you lists of ideas. But that was never me. Most days I just wore my baby in a sling or wrap or some other baby wearing device (we didn't have nearly the amount to choose from back then) and went about my day instructing here and there, listening to someone read, nursing the baby, loving on a toddler, refereeing fights, maybe doing some dishes, nursing the baby, listening to multiplication tables, reading bible stories, switching some laundry, preparing for co-op class, nursing the baby, on and on until we fell into bed and got up the next day to do it all over again. And I wouldn't change a thing.....

My reasons for homeschooling changed a lot over the years. I won't go into great detail over each philosophy, but I'd say every couple of years or so I'd realize I was doing this for a whole different reason than what I had been. Like I said, when we started it was just to "get him ahead" and have him be the smartest kid in 3rd grade (when I figured we'd put him in school.) Oh how I chuckle about that now. Literally LOLing here in my living room. Then once we went to the homeschool convention in FL, my husband told me we could never put our children in school!! We certainly couldn't risk what those schools would do to them!! Once again, LOLing here!! And so we warrior-ed on this not so well beaten path blazoned by the homeschool heroes that we had grown to love and admire. We believed that this was the path down which God was taking us (and I still believe that because I believe in his sovereignty) and this was the only way for our kids.

So here's the thing....none of what we did was wrong or bad or anything to hurt our kids, but we bought into a lot of crap along the way that could have if we hadn't decided to listen to our kids instead. There is a whole lot of stuff that many hard core homeschoolers want to heap upon you and "add to" the gospel to make their's the "best" way and ensure the "best" kids coming out of your home. And they will tell you, sometimes subtly sometimes not so subtly, that you are flat out wrong if you do it differently. I can't tell you how strong the push is for certain philosophies out there, and if I hadn't been the personality that I was, I shudder to think where I could've gotten lost along the way. I also believe my sweet, level headed husband saved me from so much garbage that could've led me astray of the real gospel and what parenting and homeschooling really is.

Somewhere along the way I started realizing that my kids would really be okay if we were to put them in school. Not only okay, but there were probably some things that would actually make them better human beings. This was novel to me. (If you're laughing right now, that's okay.) So every year we do a recheck of where we are, where our kids are, and we see what would be best. 

Somewhere along the way I begin to understand that this wasn't about having the smartest kids or making them into little geniuses. I realized that my kids were never going to be geniuses, actually, and that was okay and not the goal. And I actually cringe now when I see posts by homeschooling moms hailing "homeschooling" as being the reason why their kids are so smart. Let me tell you a secret...it's not. For every homeschooler out there reading at 3, there are 2 more that aren't reading until they are 10 or 12. If you laud homeschooling as the reason your little one is doing algebra at 9, there are plenty of others out there wondering what they are doing wrong since their 14 year old still can't grasp multiplication or their 11 year old is struggling with reading comprehension or their 13 year old can't write a correct sentence. 

Somewhere along the way I learned that keeping them away from all the bad stuff wasn't going to save them and make them into the good, obedient, helpful and mannerly kids that I had seen at the homeschool conventions. Yes, I had been jealous of those families. I had wondered how their kids had magically turned out to be obedient and mannerly children who loved one another and respected their parents when mine got angry, yelled at each other (and us), never obeyed the first time (we were lucky if they did the 3rd or 4th), and seemed unruly and disruptive. Sadly, since those early days I've learned a lot of what many parents did to keep their kids in line, and much of it was pure child abuse. I'm not saying that all homeschooling parents did that--in the least--but in so many cases, it was. And their children have grown up now to tell the world about it.

Somewhere along the way I also began to see the truth among many lies. My eyes were opened to much of the white-washing of American history done by homeschool (and many public and Christian school) curriculums and leaders. I saw much of what I had learned (or hadn't learned at all) in school was very slanted, to say the least. I realized that my kids needed diversity in their lives. They needed different perspectives than what they were getting being around people just like them. They needed to be in the world, not kept from it. And I wanted them to do that while they were still at home, having discussions with us, asking hard questions, and feeling the freedom to disagree with us if they needed. We always direct them back to the gospel. The answers are there. There is no church, religion, homeschooling philosophy, parenting philosophy, anything that has all the answers. They will all fail you. Only Jesus will not fail. I have learned he is the only answer, and that that answer can take many different shapes, forms and philosophies in this broken world where we live.

Somewhere along the way my kids taught me a lot of stuff. They taught me to question societal claims of how to have the smartest kids and whether that was even important. They taught me that "courting" wasn't going to save them from make all the mistakes I did. They taught me that adding rules to the gospel did nothing but heap guilt and sorrow onto all of our souls. They taught me about true forgiveness and grace. They taught me that just observing and obeying cultural norms was not the way to parent. They taught me to trust them and their natural curiosities about the world around them. I've learned that academics isn't the highest goal (or even one of the top 3) for me. Teaching the WHOLE child, knowing their hearts, listening to the beat of their existence to learn what makes each one of them tick is the desire of my free spirited heart.

Somewhere along the way God showed me that to "train up a child in the way they should go" doesn't always mean what we think it means. It's not a promise that if we teach our children the truth they will not ever stray. But I do think it means that we need to know our children's hearts. We need to see their passions and desires, gifts and abilities, and encourage those things. We should tailor their education (whether in homeschooling or school) to training them in those passions and talents. When we know our children's hearts, we can help guide them in those areas. There are no cookie cutter kids. They are all different and should be treated as such.

Like I said, my philosophy of homeschooling has morphed over the years into so many different things. I no longer desire to have the perfect looking kids because I know their hearts are no different than anyone else's without Jesus. I no longer care if my kids are the smartest or read the earliest or make the best grades. I no longer buy into much of the philosophy upon which the religious homeschooling movement was built. For the last two years I've really considered school, mainly for the diversity that it would provide my children. But I keep going back to my main desire for my kids' education and that is educating the whole child and knowing their hearts. I know people who do this well while sending their kids to school, but I know myself and I don't think I could do it. I am passionate about them finding who they are and pursuing that. If that includes college, fine. If it doesn't, fine too. Our educational system in America isn't really geared that way so I struggle. I've got one who has big goals outside of school and academics, and we need to gear our lives to be able to continue his education even while pursuing other interests. Plus, there's the fact that I can't imagine not hanging out with my kids all day!!

So for now, homeschooling is a good way of life for us. We will continue to be open to different thoughts and ideas and revelations from Jesus. Until something changes we will march on in this homeschooling life. We will watch and marvel at the amazing creations our children are. We will live free and unhindered by what society and culture tell us is important. We will keep figuring out how unschooling fits into the "rules" that TN gives us. And we will continue to train our children up in the way THEY should go, their each individual way, so that when they are old they will not depart from it, and trust that they will live the fulfilled life that God in his sovereignty has planned for them.

If you know me, you know I LOVE to talk about parenting and homeschooling. And if anyone ever wants to talk, just let me know!! I'm available, and talking is one of my greatest talents. ;)

My epiphany

I had an epiphany today.

I looked around my house at my six precious children and realized, they are all here. They are all still here. In two years, one will be gone. But for today and for the next two years, they will be here.

As tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill (and incite another round of "why are you crying, Mommy" questions--because I cry at the drop of a hat) I gathered myself and made the decision to make this the best year yet.

You see, when I started this homeschool journey 13 years ago, my oldest was 3. I was bound and determined to be the best homeschool mom ever, and he was of course going to be the best student. He was going to be the smartest and the most well behaved (if you know him, you know how that one turned out.)

As it happened, though, just as he was about to start his Kindergarten year, we added a baby to our family. He couldn't have been happier, of course. But this certainly put a little crimp in our homeschooling schedule and plans. Then as he started 1st grade, we had just added another sweet bundle. We added that 3rd bundle in the middle of his 2nd grade year. To say his first three years of academia were "scattered" would be quite the understatement.

But we kept plugging. During the summer between his 4th and 5th grade years, we added the next sweet blessing and then between 7th and 8 grade added our last. So, you see, Trand has never known school without babies. He's never known what uninterrupted time with mom was. He's never known what it was like to really stick to a schedule because there was always a little one around--always.

And Trand will be going off to college the year that Cedar starts Kindergarten. So he will have spent his entire academia life with babies and toddlers and now these last two years with a pre-schooler.

But these two years are what I'm focusing on. Because you see, I truly believe that the three year old year is when it all changes. It all gets easier. And I haven't had a 3 year old as my youngest in 13 years! So I am quite excited about this. Cedar is able to be entertained during the school day. He's got five brothers and sisters who absolutely LOVE playing with him. They are thrilled when it's their break time or their scheduled "Cedar time" and they get to play Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or even My Little Pony (Rainbow Dash is unabashedly his favorite) with him.

My epiphany came today when I realized how easy the last week and a half has been. We've gotten all of our school work done every day, there have been no major breakdowns, relatively few distractions, decent attitudes all in all, and I've really felt like we've accomplished a lot. It dawned on me that this was the difference--my youngest was three.

In the same thought it dawned on me that my oldest is 16 and a Junior. He will be leaving in two years. Yes, while my youngest is getting older and easier, that means everyone else is as well.

I will not be dwelling on what I'll be feeling in two years. I want to live in the moment now. I want these next two years to count. I want to soak up every memory, every thought, every word. I want to cherish every laugh shared--especially between my oldest and youngest. I want to capture the moments of bellowing laughter and sweetness shared, drinking in the beautiful times and even the not so beautiful ones.

Yes, I plan on making it a memorable two years. I don't know where life will be taking us tomorrow or next week or next year. But I'm enjoying the ride with six great kids that I have the amazing privilege of mothering.

And I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Our FUN weekend

So, on Friday morning I woke up and decided I wanted to make a deliberate attempt at a fun day. I used to be fun most (if not all) the time! When Trand was younger, we had tons of fun. Now, we didn't get a whole lot of school done. But we sure had fun!! Then I started having baby after baby. As much as I loved and wanted those babies, I have to admit it took some of my "funness" away. It's not as easy to be spontaneous or get a little done at home and then go play. I felt like I had been really boring and down to business lately so I needed to remedy that! Off to some LIVING education!

I let Trand pick where to go since I always drag him around to little kid stuff. He chose to go to the Museum of Appalachia. We decided to go ahead and get a family membership since, for our family, it's usually much cheaper than going twice! I'm glad we did. I look forward to going back. On the 27th of April they are having a sheep shearing. We'll be there!

Then on Saturday, we went to Ijams (pronounced Iams) Nature Center. We hiked some great trails and explored nature. The kids had a great time! Shepley, who is my little flower child, had a great time collecting wild flowers. Breck discovered that he is quite the conservationist with a huge heart for endangered animals. We question if he's really related to my dad!!

So here are some pictures from our weekend.

 Sitting in front of the little schoolhouse

 Listening to a lady singing folk music. Cama-Jane stood up and danced during the 2nd song. :)

 The lady singing

 Trand taking a picture of me with the rest

 My handsome boys--who totally wish they could live in this time period!!

 Yes, this is the only picture of them all looking--even though Cedar is up side down.

 He's such a sweet big brother. Always helping the little ones. 

 Cutie patootie!

Two more cuties!!

I just wish my apothecary looked like this. I have a little ways to go!!

And at the Nature Center......

 Exploring!

 My flower child!

 Poor Cedar. We tried to get him looking!!

 Daddy and kids

 Daddy and boys

 Mama and girls

 Looking for flowers

 Dad and Trand

So that was our weekend!! We had lots of fun and got some good outside time in this beautiful weather!! Very happy to be in TN during the spring. I have to admit the weather is amazing!! :)

Two weeks in....

.... and I'm still on schedule!! :)

Okay, some of you might think it's absolutely ludicrous of me to celebrate the fact that I'm still on schedule after only two weeks. If you think that, you don't know me well!! :) As I've said before, schedules make my skin crawl!! Usually by the end of the second week, I've hung up the "schedule towel" and decided that we can once again make it through the year by the seat of our pants!! But not this year! I'm shocked that I'm actually enjoying the schedule and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it. Even when I've been waking up at 6:30 every morning after being up with the baby or another child at least once or twice a night!! (The first night it was four times and I still stayed strong!)

Now, I shouldn't be shocked. This is exactly what I prayed for over the summer. Why am I always shocked when God answers those prayers that seem so far fetched--like actually changing part of who you are!! But I'm giving him all the glory because I know I couldn't have done it on my own.

One thing I do think helped was the fact that I bought a school planner at the convention. Jon totally laughed at me and said I'd never use it. That wasn't very encouraging, huh? :) But I have to admit--even though I was totally adamant on the outside that I would use it (thus justifying spending the money) I had my doubts as well!!

When I got home I was so excited about it that I sat down with all my curriculum and planned out the first three months! Actually, it was two and a half, but it was all the way through to Fall Break!! :) Man, that was an accomplishment. It has been an amazing tool to actually use!! I know if any of you are teachers out there you think I'm crazy that I actually just figured this out! :) But I've realized that I need to schedule in time to make sure I have my schedule planned. :) I guess this is life with six kids!

So let me have my little celebration over my two week accomplishment! I know at least my Mama and Daddy will be proud of me! :) I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my little ones during school (after nine years of it, you'd think I'd have that figured out!) But all in all, it's been good!! I think it's gonna be a great year!!

Taking a walk in someone else's shoes

The other day I wrote a blog about our first day of school and how hard it was. Now, I'm not going to go back and say it wasn't. It certainly was. Fitting everyone into their right place and keeping a schedule and trying to find a place in the schedule to parent my 1 and 4 year old during the day while still making sure my school age kids are getting what they need--those are hard things. But just as I was beginning to think that I had it pretty hard, I had a conversation with a friend last night.

This is a lady that I don't talk to a lot just because she doesn't seem to be around a lot. She goes to our church, but I still don't see a lot of her. I found out last night that their family only has one car, and she only gets it twice a week so that may be a big reason why. She also home schools, and she also has six kids. One big difference is that she has four year old twins and one of them is autistic. I've talked with her before about it. She believes it was the vaccinations that put him over the edge. She believes, like I do, that these children have susceptible immune systems that are different that other kids. But how do you know who does until they have the symptoms AFTER the fact? But, this isn't a post about vaccines. She was talking to me about how hard it was to school her other children when she has to give so much time to her special needs child.

She doesn't want to put him in school--and I don't blame her. She knows that the one on one attention he gets at home is way better than he could ever get in a "special ed" class. And yet she's wondering if her other kids are suffering. She says that she thinks her oldest has Asperger's, although he's never been diagnosed. She's studied enough and seen enough that I think she's able to recognize the symptoms. So she told me last night, "I live my days on the 'spectrum.'" (If you don't know what this means, it means the 'spectrum' of autism--from slightly showing symptoms of Asperger's and mild autism to being extremely autistic.)

Her four year old is doing great! He is flourishing in their family with the love and attention he gets. He also gets love and attention at church. He's talking more, writing his letters, etc. His mom is doing a great job doing exactly what he needs. She's following the no gluten/no casein diet, and it's helping. But she's still dealing with autism every day. She's dealing with that while she's trying to teach five other children the work that they need to do. Now, she's got good kids, but they are still kids.

This humbled me. Here I was thinking how hard I had it. I have no idea what it's like to have a special needs child. I have no idea what it's like to have six kids and only one car! I have no idea what it's like to walk in her shoes for one day. But talking with her last night really made me realize that my life is a bowl of cherries compared to some of the things she goes through. Now, I'm sure she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Of course she adores her little boy and would move heaven and earth for him. But she's tired. It's hard. I admire her and resolve to stand up against the world (and family and friends) when they tell her she should put him in school. I admire her hard work and tenacity. I hope to get to be better friends with her and give her a place to talk and vent. I know I would need it if I were her.

God has a way of showing us that things aren't nearly as bad as we may think! I thank God for my six healthy children, my crazy fast paced life and all the things that go with it. It could change any day, but I'm enjoying the ride while it's here.

I don't remember it being like this....

We started back to school today!! I know there are some moms out there who jump for joy during this time of year. They are sending their kids off to school five days a week and enjoying their time alone, at work, doing their own thing, etc. I know there are also moms who send their kids to school who are sad at this time of year because they don't want to send them back. They miss their lazy summer days. I am also well aware that there are home school moms who love this time of year because they love schedules, organization, fun projects, etc. etc. I fit none of these molds!! :) I do not want to send my children off to school to be away from me everyday. I can't even imagine it!! But I love summers where we have no schedule, nothing going on, and we can just be together, spontaneous, fun!

The thought of scheduled days for the next nine months sends chills down my spine! I would much rather be the "unschooler" who just does school at the whims and interests of her children. I would love to sleep in and just have my children do some school through out the day, evening, or even 11 o'clock at night if they so chose. But I've tried it, and guess what?? It doesn't work for me! My kids don't go for it. I've never been able to figure out the secrets of moms with kids who love to do school. I've heard about them. I hear there are children out there who can't wait to do the fun, crafty projects that their moms have planned. Oh wait.... maybe that's why my kids aren't really excited about school. I'm not really into fun, crafty projects these days.

I used to be. I really was. I look back at stuff I did with Trand when he was in K and 1st grade. We had so much fun together doing long, time consuming, messy projects. And he remembers none of it--thanks a lot!! I know that's no reason not to do it. I know it builds relationships, gives an educational foundation, etc. But just the fact that he doesn't remember any of it really kind of makes me sad!! (and if I'm honest it makes me feel like it was a waste of time!)

But I've discovered there are times for schedules--like when you are schooling four children of all different ages and also have a 4 year old and 1 year old around as well! I know there are home schooling guru mega-moms out there who school like 47 children at the same time, but I'm having a hard enough time with four! To tell the truth, I only really spend a lot of time teaching 3 of them. My oldest is in 9th grade this year and does much of his stuff independent of me. Thankfully! But he doesn't need instruction in his school subjects as much as he needs a little "kick in the pants" to get it done. Sometimes that's a HUGE kick in the pants! And on some days, that can be my most difficult task. So I include him in my task of teaching four children!

Also, my kids work better on schedules. When I try to just do school throughout the day it doesn't work. If there's not a set time for it, I get lots of groans and moans and "I don't want to do this" and "I hate school" etc. etc. But when they see it on paper that they are supposed to do Math at 10:00, for some reason it's usually okay.

But not today..... well, not with Liza-Hill anyway. She was my hard one today. First of all, she is out of sorts if she is ever tired or hungry. She seemed to be both all day. Even though she ate breakfast, a snack and lunch, she continued to be hungry. She claimed to be tired as well. So tonight she is going to bed at 8:00--no excuses. Her normal bedtime is 8:30. I don't know if she'll fall asleep or not because she really is a night owl, but I'm hoping that after a few mornings of waking up early and going to bed on time, life will get back to normal for her. Today, though, she fought me on everything!

Thankfully, Breck was very easy today. That's usually the case, but he was extra happy about doing it and told me how much he liked history. He had a good attitude about everything actually so I guess maybe I do have one child who is "one of those kids." :) It's just hard to see sometimes when the others are giving me a hard time.

Today was Shepley's first day of first grade. She was very excited, and she had a great day. It's fun to see her learn. She's very animated about it and shows her excitement for learning new things. It's very rewarding to teach her.  And she's so proud of herself which is fun to see as well. I can't wait until she can tell Jon about her day today.

As for my little ones, Cama-Jane was pretty good today. She likes to sit right up under me all the time which she did a little today, but she was actually pretty good about letting us have a little time today. Cedar is fighting a summer cold (as is Cama-Jane) so he was fussier than usual. He didn't go down easily for his nap at all. I had to nurse him and lay with him on the bed then rock him in my arms and put him down asleep. I never have to do that anymore. But all that took about 30 minutes out of my schedule! And in that time, the kids had gone a little crazy. After a few weeks, they'll be easier to leave on their own to work, but the first day--forget it!

And Trand.... well, Trand doesn't have all of his school stuff here yet. He's got his history curriculum so he may be doing that non stop for this week. I'm excited about it, and I wish that I could do it. We ordered it from Vision Forum last year, and it's called The History of Christianity and Western Civilization. It's the history of the impact that Christianity has had on the world in the past 2000 years. It starts at Rome. There is a book, CDs and a video documentary. I think he'll really enjoy it. So today he did History and he read. I haven't been able to make him read too much all summer so now that it's "school" he will do it! :) He should get his online science class tomorrow. He'll be doing Physical Science with Catie Frates online classes. He's doing writing once HEED starts on the 23rd. And Math.... oh math..... every year it's the eternal thorn in our flesh! I still haven't decided exactly what's going to happen. I know. I've got to figure it out soon. But I don't have the money for a tutor/teacher, and I can't fight him hard enough on the math anymore. So I'm kind of in between a rock and a hard place. Still praying.... And I was planning on him doing spanish through Florida Virtual School, but I have to send in the letter from the county saying he is registered with them. I got that 9 years ago. Yeah, like I still have it! So I need to request another letter saying he is registered here so that I can go ahead with that.

Anyway, didn't mean to write a diatribe about my home schooling plans or anything. Just got on here to share that my first day wasn't ideal. But I'm fighting back. I'm not giving up, and I'm going to somehow, someway make schedules the norm around here!! And that's going to take more self discipline than child discipline! :)

Homeschool Convention--the most exciting weekend of the year!

Okay, so some of you may think that's a bit of a dramatic statement--"the most exciting weekend of the year"?? But I think it's so true!! I started thinking about it, and this is the first time we've been in SIX years!! We haven't been since sweet Shepley was in my arms as a 5 month old, and we carted her around sort of like we carted sweet Cedar around this past weekend!! Of course, a little different in that he was crawling/toddling everywhere that he could and entertaining anyone who would pay attention to him (which, of course, at a homeschooling convention, was a lot of people!!)

There are so many things that are great about the Homeschooling convention. Here in FL, we have one of the largest in the country. Thousands and thousands of people pack the Gaylord Palms Hotel in Orlando. People from all over FL, from every walk of life. Some of them with plenty of money to spend on any curriculum or book that catches their eye, go to the most expensive restaurants with the whole family, shop at the hotel shops, and not bat an eye about it. Other families have saved all year to bring just enough cash to buy exactly what they need, pack their lunches to eat between seminars, and are just so thankful that the hotel gives us such a great discounted price to stay at such a beautiful place for a couple of days. For a lot of these families, this is their vacation every year. I noticed such a stark difference yesterday standing in front of the windows looking out over the pool. There were kids from two sets of families standing side by side. In one family, there were about 6 or 7 kids, girls in long blue jean skirts and plaid shirts with long hair and no make up; and boys dressed neatly but plainly with very short hair. Right next to them were three teenagers (I don't know if they were in the same family or not)--two boys and a girl--each with black shaggy hair (all about the same length), sunglasses, long baggy shorts (complete with chains), skull t-shirts, etc. (You get my drift.) The point being that the kids and families are all so different in many ways....

....BUT we are all so alike in so many ways that really count!! It's so refreshing to take your baby into a place with thousands of people and know that he will be welcomed with a smile, a friendly word and even a helpful hand. It's so refreshing to see--everywhere you go--teenagers hanging out with little brothers and sisters, loving them, taking care of them for the weekend. It's wonderful to be with so many people who understand what you're talking about when you say "quiverful" and even better than most of them agree with you about it!! It's amazing to hear other moms struggling with the same thing you are and to be able to ask questions and talk to people who don't just think the answer is 'putting your children in school.'

I love hearing about all the great things the youth around America are doing today--how they are learning to change the world (starting right here in our own country!!) I leave there filled with hope for our future. I leave there knowing that God is working, and that he is using me in a big way to fulfill that work. I feel validated as a mom and teacher to my children--knowing that being a mother is the most important job in the world!! I mean that with all my heart. I know it in my head every day of the year!! But sometimes my heart forgets, and it's good to be reminded.

It's good to be reminded that it's not all about academics and the right curriculum. It's okay if I haven't quite figured out my six year old's best learning style yet--it hasn't all gone to pot because she's going into First grade not reading!! The best education they are getting is the character that is getting built--the life lessons they are learning to be able to contribute mightily to society. I'm training my children, not just to be good employees or factory workers or to get a government job. If that's what they choose to do, that's fine. But I can't imagine that any of mine will. No, they dream higher than that, and I will not hold them back by squelching their creativity because we have spent too much time doing the "academics" that the world thinks are so important. I want my children to be able to spend the time they need doing what they love and developing God given talents in order to fulfill his calling for them in this life. I want them to dream big and know that as parents, we are behind them 100% and will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

I know that all parents feel this way. I'm not saying that because I homeschool that I have more love for my kids or loftier dreams. I'm not saying that any parent sits and thinks, "Wow, I really hope my kid gets a factory job one day." I don't think for one minute that I have any monopoly on raising my kids any better than other fellow loving parents! One thing, though, that I know I do have on my side is the ability to pick and choose what my kids spend the majority of their time doing. And I find it very appealing to be able to allow my children to explore their interests and create their masterpieces and use every part of their being figuring out God's purpose for their lives--even at this young age.

I'm thankful for this freedom and the freedom it gives my children to live the life to which they are led by their Savior. And I'm thankful for the one weekend a year that reminds me that this is why we have chosen this tough job of homeschooling. It's all worth it!! And I'm so excited for the day I get to see just what God has in store for each of my blessings!!

The most important things

I haven't made many posts about homeschooling. This isn't because I don't think it's important or don't have anything to say about it, but mostly because it's been my experience that when I talk about the fact that I homeschool--someone seems to feel judged. I really try to not sound holier than thou because I really don't think that!! I feel that God has called our family to homeschool so of course I talk positively about it. I don't get offended when others talk of Christian school or public school as good for their families so please don't feel offended when I share about one of the most important parts of our life!

That being said, I've been thinking a lot about the most important things I teach my kids. After our experience with Classical Conversations this year, I was left feeling a little less than adequate as a homeschooling mom. I sat in my six year old's class with other five and six year olds who could skip count their 7's, 8's and 9's. Mine can only go as high as doing her 3's. Six year olds could sing every history sentence back from the beginning of the year, and one even stood in the opening with his seven year old sister and quoted the entire 168 card timeline series from "Creation" to present day. Talk about wanting to crawl into a hole and hide. Each week her tutor told me how good she was at the presentations. Yes, she has a loud mouth and is not afraid to use it! :) At first this was enough, but after awhile it seemed this was the only thing she was good at! She loved the fine arts section when they used pencil and then painted. That was her favorite. Oh, and snack. She complained every week that they didn't eat snack soon enough during the day! So here it was when I went into her classroom, little six year olds spouting off what a "gerund" was, and mine sitting there asking when snack was coming!

In the middle kids' class, my daughter was thrilled to be there. My son, not so much. Anywhere that resembles a classroom is not where he wants to be!! He's smart enough--for sure. I don't worry about the two of them when it comes to academics. They are both very good readers and excel in Math. They are fast learners in everything so they are my easy-to-school kids! This makes it nice--especially since they are only 13 months apart, and I teach them everything together besides Math.

My oldest was in an all day classroom setting for the first time in his life. He's in "8th" grade. Even though it was just one day a week, it was rough on him. He didn't enjoy it. Everyone kept telling me how much he would love it so I held out a little bit of hope, but no, he held to his belief that school is for the birds.

After striking out with three out of four kids involved, I had to start wondering about myself. It certainly made me think it must be me. I mean, I will be the first to admit that we didn't work on it like we should at home. Sure, we listened to the CD in the car, and some weeks we did work on our timeline and look up some of the things they talked about. But all in all, I know I didn't do what I needed to do for my kids to be the kids who knew it all! But I kept asking myself, how could I? Every time we'd start, my three year old would have some sort of need (or just the need to be a pest!) Even if I tried while the baby was napping, that would mean his morning nap was used to do all of our "regular" schoolwork and then his afternoon nap was used for CC schoolwork. Nothing else ever would get done. But still.... other moms do it!

But looking at the facts realistically, the only other family who had a baby have a 4 year old and 6 year old as their other two--no older kids. My friend started the year there with a baby but stopped shortly after Christmas. We seem to have a lot in common when it comes to "school." Plus, there were only two other families with 3 year olds as well. I happened to have both--a baby and a 3 year old. I'm not making excuses. I'm just being realistic.

So I started to think about all these families who have it all together! It can get pretty intimidating out there in the real world. Homeschool moms always seem to be competing for who can make school the most fun; who has the most creative games, crafts, snacks, etc.; whose 2nd grade can read on a 7th grade level; whose children are lining up for the spelling and geography bee; who is involved in every co-op, homeschool group, and activity and still manages to have the smartest kids!! I'm telling ya, it can get exhausting trying to keep up--especially when it seems that you are the one who keeps having babies and lagging behind. I wrote a post once about "there is no Supermom" but, like I said, I'm just as guilty of comparing myself to "her."

But Sunday night as I watched my children proclaim the gospel through their words and songs, my heart started to change. I watched my nine year old, who had cried back in September the first time she stood up to do her presentation at CC and couldn't even make it through, stand in front of 150+ people and quote lots of memorized lines, remember when she was supposed to come in, and be one of the loudest singers in the choir. I watched my [almost] eight year old son, who can't stand to sit in a classroom and who cringes with fear at "impromtu" speaking, easily spout off his memorized parts, show promise of a true actor, sing his solo with ease and truly belt out every song that the choir sang for Jesus. I heard my six year old, with her sweet precious voice, lift up praises as she sang "Jesus, name above all names" for her Savior.

I stand in awe as my children's prayer life blows mine out of the water. They come to me and tell me of prayers that they have been praying that have now been answered. They are persistent in their pleadings to our Father. I am thrilled beyond measure to hear them lay their petitions and praises before the throne.

I sat teary eyed as my nine year old joined the church this past Sunday, knowing that the really important part had been done last week as she went before the elders and answered, with confidence, fifteen questions that most adults wouldn't be able to answer. I know she knew those things because her daddy and I asked them to her a couple of days before, and she didn't have a hesitation as she explained who her first parents were, why she was a sinner, what sin was, and why she needed a Savior. She knew those because she has grown up with a family at home and at church as well as grandparents who have taught her the important things!

I am often blown away by comments from my 14 year old, and have been since he was very young, teaching me even more about God and the world around us. He has such a great perspective sometimes, and he sees himself very clearly as a sinner in need of a Savior.

I watched yesterday as my eight year old son freely gave his 3 year old sister his balloon after her's popped (doing something that he had already warned her not to do.) I see him time after time put each of his sisters before himself as he learns to live sacrificially and selflessly. I don't claim to be the one who made him that way! He seeks his Savior.

I try to answer the hard questions from my six year old as she's trying to learn all about this world and the God who created it. She asks questions like "Mom, does God make wrecks happen?" and "Mom, why did God let Satan tempt Eve?" I hear her talk about heaven and the new world with excitement as she and her siblings discuss what they think it will be like! They want to ride on dinosaurs and lie down with lions.

And then I think, yes, these are the important things. They know their Jesus. They are learning to be servants. They have a long way to go--but they are getting there. They remember to pray for the people in Japan when I don't. They remember to do our catechisms at night when Jon and I don't. They remember that we need to do devotions when I don't. They are teaching me more than I could ever teach them, and they are playing a huge part in my sanctification.

As for academics, yes it's important. I'm not saying that at all! They are learning it--at their own speed. They are making it through the math and the spelling. They are learning history and writing (sort of.) I'm doing what I can to make sure they stay where they need to be, but sometimes life gets in the way. And they are learning how to deal with that life in a way that pleases Jesus. And I'm proud to claim them as my children!!

How many is "too many"?

Everyone has a different answer, I'm sure. For some, two is perfect. For others, they only want one or maybe they want to break the status quo and go with three or even four. And then there are those crazy few who want five, six or even more. So how many is "too many" for you?

If you haven't guessed by now, I'm talking about children. Those precious little blessings that enrich our lives in every way imaginable. Don't worry. This isn't going to be a long diatribe about birth control or letting God have control of your fertility--although I do have a pretty firm view on both of those issues.  I am writing this post in hopes of helping some family--maybe even just one--before it's too late.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about our eight month old and how different it is this time around. I've been thinking about how having another one wouldn't be so hard. It really is true what they say--the more you have, the easier it gets.

I say that to reinforce the truth in it. I know many couples who have three or four little ones, and they feel like they are drowning. It's so hard to see past the diapers, feedings, constant discipline, endless laundry, and no time together as a couple. They think, "We can't do this again. It's too much!!" So they take their fertility into their own hands, and make the decision to permanently cut off any future offspring. I've heard them say, "If God really wants us to have another one, we know he can give it to us. A vasectomy isn't going to stop Him." But God doesn't usually work that way. If we ask for blessings to be cut off from us, that's usually what's going to happen.

Now, a few years later, I'm hearing those same couples lamenting that decision. Mommies are longing for another baby in their arms. They are realizing that things wouldn't be so hard this time around. Things change. Children grow up. They don't stay in diapers forever. They don't need our constant attention for too long. And if we are doing our jobs, even a little, they are learning some responsibility and what it means to help out as part of a family.

Secondly, children looooove babies. I hear it ALL the time--children begging their parents to have more siblings for them! My kids just assume that there will be another baby. They talk about him/her usually on a daily basis as if it's just a given that there will be another one. Once children get old enough to feel this way about new babies, they are old enough to be a huge help with that same baby.

It took me until this baby, my 6th one, to see this. I had heard it from others as well. But the difference between the job of taking care of my 5th and the job of taking care of this one is vast. I marvel at how much help my children are. They are in love with this precious little brother! They "ooo" and "goo" over him constantly! He lights up when they are around. The girls use him as their real life baby doll to play house so that I can clean the kitchen, get schoolwork done with another child, or do whatever else needs to be done. Or if I'm lucky, they will clean the kitchen, do the laundry or whatever else while I get to play with the baby! :) My oldest girl is just turning nine this weekend, and let's be honest--they are usually the ones who help out the most in the domestic areas anyway. So while my oldest is 14, most of his expertise is spent doing the outside work, but he does help out with the baby for sure!

Yes, I'm still the one who gets up with him at night. But if I need an extra hour of sleep in the morning, there's always someone willing to get up and play with him so that I can get it. They change diapers, dress him, love to feed him his solid food, and entertain him all day long!

All of this makes this Mama heart of mine soar! Babies bring families together! What could bring the same amount of joy other than this pure innocence and newness of life?

I say all this to encourage moms and dads of lots of little ones to please wait! Wait before doing something permanent that you may regret later. I'm not telling you to throw caution to the wind and have a baby every year (although if you breastfeed on demand for at least a year your chances of doing that are VERY unlikely.) I'm just saying, don't do anything permanent. If you have a few little ones and things seem crazy, I completely understand your pain. When I had my 4th, I had three children under three years old and an 8 year old that I was homeschooling!! Within five minutes of her birth my prayer was, "Lord, please just give me 2 1/2 years before the next one." We never 'tried' for a number five, but she was born exactly--to the month--2 1/2 years later!! Is God awesome or what?? When we trust Him and His timing, we know that He will give us exactly what we need. I didn't give God a time frame for the next one. I didn't really think I'd have anymore (that's what my husband said anyway.) But God had other plans, and I'm so glad He did. Three years later our little Cedar was born. Our family would have missed out on so much joy that Cedar has brought to us! I'm so glad that we didn't do anything permanent--and we still won't.

My girls are learning first hand how to be Mamas. They are learning how to run a house, school children, and take care of a baby all at the same time. No, things aren't perfect. Our house is no where CLOSE to perfect!! But that's not the priority right now. Yes, I wish I were better at teaching them that. I wish I was more disciplined in that area so that they had a better example. I'm working on that with lots of prayer and practice!! But they do see that it can be done and done happily (usually.) And at the end of the day when Daddy comes home, they see an example of how to be a wife as well. Once again, not always perfectly but they see it coming from a heart that wants to serve.

I don't say any of this to toot my own horn. I promise--no horn tooting here!! My husband and I struggle with our decision to let God have the reigns in the area of our fertility after every baby. I hate being pregnant!! I struggle with losing weight after the birth. I do sometimes think how nice it would be to just pick up and go away with him for the weekend. He worries about finances. He stresses about time to spend with them. We both think about the fact that we are getting older with every baby!! I was 23 with my first, and I was 36 when this one was born! But in the end, we both rest assured knowing that He's in control.

If you know me, you know that I struggled with infertility for five years between my 1st and 2nd child. I've often said that God kept me from having babies to put my on my knees, and now he continues to give them to me to keep me on my knees!! God knows this Mama's heart. He knows that I'm a pretty strong lady, and it could get easy for me to think that I was doing things on my own!! I think He gives me these precious little ones to be my constant reminder that His grace is the ONLY way I can do it!

So don't sell yourself short. Don't miss out on the opportunity to give yourself and your kids more of the greatest blessings you could ever know!! And if you have already done something permanent--there's always adoption. Expensive? Yes. But pray about it. If God gives you the heart, He will provide the way.

Making Salt Scrub

Shepley has been wanting to make soap so I told her we could. After researching a bit on the internet, I think I need to research a whole lot more, figure out exactly what I need and be ready with lots of time!! Maybe this summer! In the meantime, I decided making a salt scrub could be good enough! :) They had lots of fun doing it today, and they now have a fun treat to give a friend.

Ingredients:

1 cup fine sea salt

1/2 cup almond or grape seed oil

(we ended up using more because I like mine oilier)

5-15 drops of essential oil of your choice

(we used lavender)

funnel with large hole

(we ended up using a larger one than is in this picture.)

jars of your choice

Mix all ingredients in a bowl.

Use a funnel with a large hole to fill jars of your choice.
We ended up having to make two batches to fill all six jars.

Add some cute ribbon, a little label, and voila!

The label says, 

"Lavender Salt Scrub handmade with love for you from Liza-Hill and Shepley"