I HATE "good-byes." I absolutely ABHOR them with a passion. Even when someone I know is leaving from my life and I am staying in the same place, I really don't tell them "good-bye" but ONCE--right before they leave. I just hate long good-byes. So now it's my turn to leave, and it's going to be over a month before I go. I told my husband this morning as we were driving in to church for the first time since we found out about the move that I dreaded this month. It's certainly not that I don't appreciate people telling me how sad they are that we're leaving or how much they'll miss us. I am very thankful and feel very blessed for the amazing friends and family and church we have here. I will miss them all dearly, and I am overwhelmed by the love that they all show us--from intimate friends to those we've "known" from afar and for a short time. I'm touched by their care and concern and love.
It's just that I don't want to waste my time talking about that! I want life to continue as usual up until the very point we leave--then I will cry and say "good-bye" and be done with it!! But for close friends, it's not 'good-bye forever.' It's 'good-bye for now.' It's 'until I see you again.' Jon's parents live here, and we will be back to visit often. We will ALWAYS attend Covenant Church when we come because our heart is there. It will always be home for us. Five of our six children were born and baptized there. It's all they've known. And even our oldest, who moved here when he was three, doesn't remember anything else. It's quite embarrassing as our 14 year old goes barefooted around the church because (as he puts it) "this is my home." He tells me that God doesn't care if he's barefooted, and I'm sure he's right; but we have yet to get the "irreverent" part to stick in his head....but that's another post! :)
I realize that it's not ever going to be the same. I won't be able to call up my very good friend anymore and say, "Can we just hang out at your house today and forget about school?" :) I won't just casually bump into the same familiar faces at church with the cordial nod and "Good to see you." For quite awhile I won't have the network of friends that I do here. I realize life isn't going to be the same. Eleven years is a while. It's not forever; but it's long enough to put roots down, get established, make lasting connections and friendships, grow a family, grow a church, and leave a part of your heart behind when you go. That's just what we'll do. A part of us will always be here in the lives of those we've loved and who have loved us. But these are the sober thoughts that I don't want to dwell on in the next month!! We still have school to do, friends to see, things to sort through and pack, decisions to make.
For now I am focusing on living in beautiful Tennessee, less than an hour from the mountains. I'm excited about having seasons again--and that when I get there it will actually already be getting cooler. Imagine that, it will be getting cooler in October rather than waiting until January for some relief!! :) I'm excited about changes: meeting new friends, looking at churches, seeing old friends, meeting new home schoolers, and the most exciting thing of all--BUYING WINTER CLOTHES!! Can I just tell you that that is very close to the top of my list of my all time most anticipated thing about moving!!! Shallow, huh? Well, I don't care. I have looked longingly at winter clothes for my kids and myself for years--willing myself to restrain from buying something that we don't need but having a hard time of it!! So now I finally get an excuse to buy warm, snuggly clothes, boots, cute hats and mittens, thick sweaters and corduroy. I get to buy hiking boots and clothes and more camping gear. (Can you tell yet that I really like to spend money??) My husband is not as excited about this prospect as I am. He, in fact, is quite scared when I start talking this way. But I do know my limits. I won't do too much--and that will take even more will power than not doing anything at all!! :) As I said before, I'm an all-or-nothing girl!
I'm excited about mountains again, the prospect of snow, cool Thanksgivings and cold Christmases. I know these things aren't guaranteed in the South, but I can promise my chances there are 100% better than they are here in Naples!! I may actually like a pretty mild winter this first winter to ease me in. I know my kids might need it! :) No more flip-flops all year long or forgetting our shoes weren't in the car. No more running out the door any time of year in just shorts and a t-shirt. No more playing outside in the nude in December (no, not me--my little ones.) :)
So our emotions are all over the place at the Richards' Ranch. I am trying to be the stable one for my kids who can be elated one minute and bawling the next. I'm not allowed to think about my own feelings or emotions right now. I'll deal with those on the drive up!! I'm thankful for good friends, great support, much love, and a wonderful network of people surrounding us at this time.....
.....Just don't tell me "good-bye" til I leave!! :)
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