Forever Changed

Tonight is the "eve of my life being forever changed." I am expecting that tomorrow will be one of the most amazing and one of the most anxious days of my life. Tomorrow we meet a little girl that we have been praying for, planning for, and thinking about for months!! The thing is that we have had months to think about her, study her face, pray for her, learn a few words in her language, etc. We CHOSE her. She didn't choose us. She gets whoever they hand her! I hope she'll be okay with who she gets!

I can't even describe how I'm feeling right now. I should be doing so many others things and yet here I sit. I just want to get my thoughts out. I just want someone to know how I feel. I know there's no way she can know, but I pray that in some way I can begin to show her.

Right now she's riding on a train to her first flight destination. She'll be traveling for almost 24 hours by the time she gets here tomorrow. She will be exhausted and disoriented. And she'll be met with the worlds' craziest family hugging and kissing all over her!! She'll climb up in our big ole van and head to Knoxville to spend a month in our family. I can't even imagine how she's feeling right now. She still doesn't even know who we are. She won't know until she boards the plane at 11 pm tonight (our time.) It will be 6 am their time. And then she'll have just a few hours to look at our pictures, read the few words there on that page and wrap her head around all of it before falling off of the plane and into our arms.

She's a brave soul. They tell them bad things about Americans. And as crazy as some of them sound, the kids believe it. Because it's coming from people that they trust many times. All these kids coming to America are brave. They are leaving everything they know, everything familiar, their language, their friends, everything to come and hopefully get what they long for--a family, even if it's not "officially" their forever family. They get a connection with what a real family is. That's what this program is about. It's giving these kids a chance to see how functional people live in families and in this world. It's giving them the love of a mom and dad--even if just for a short time in person. They will have those families, in most cases, to communicate with forever. What a precious gift for them.

But I can't even begin to imagine what it's going to do for our own family. My prayer is that God would use it to change us forever. My prayer is, of course, that she will end up in our family forever. But that's way down the road at this point. Right now, we're just looking at the next month. We're looking to love her and pour into her all we have.

We are so blessed. I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of love and prayers we've had from friends and family. There are so many people supporting and loving this little girl and us through prayer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart if that has been you. As anxious as I feel right now, I know that it will all come together, and I know that it's in God's hands. No where better to be. So we go into this with a thankful heart, blessed beyond measure with friends and family who love us so much!! And I know that if she does end up being ours forever, she will be blessed beyond measure as well. She will come to America with so many people loving her!!

I can't wait to be able to share our adventures and memories that we'll make while she's here. All of you who have prayed, this is your journey too. Thank you for contributing! Thank you for loving us well!! I feel completely covered and even at peace as I finish writing this. Yes, that is why I write. Thank you, Jesus, that we can always lay it all on you.

My Eastern European princess is on her way, and I couldn't be happier!!!

On my heart...sex trafficking

It's been quite awhile since I've blogged, and every time I get on, I remember why. Blogger is not working well for me, and if I sit for any length of time to think, I have trouble getting it to start again. That's not so easy.

But today I have something to say. I've had something for awhile, but I haven't been able to get it right. But I'm going to try now.

As most of you know, we are hosting an orphan from Ukraine this Christmas. We are so very excited about this, and we are praying that it will turn into an adoption as well. But that is yet to be determined. But in all of my excitement about this, I've been watching videos and reading books and doing lots of research about orphanages and other missions that help them. I've found many worthy ministries. There are many people out there who are helping, and for that I am truly thankful. I haven't found a lot of people in the United States who know too much about what really goes on in these orphanages (or really cares much, for that matter) but there are some.

You see, there are estimated to be 147 million orphans worldwide. That number seems overwhelming. I think that's why most people just turn a blind eye. I mean, what can one person do, right? It's much easier to pretend that they aren't there, to pretend that the healthcare crisis in America or border control or higher taxes or just Obama himself is so much more of a pressing matter. I'm not saying those things aren't important. They are. But Jesus didn't say a lot about them in his word--except that the example of the New Testament church was to sell all they had to be able to give to others.  Just sayin'.... [On a side note, I'm not sure where that puts me as a conservative Republican, but whatever.]

But Jesus did talk about the orphans. Jesus did talk about the oppressed and the poor. He told us to care for them. He told us he wouldn't leave them as orphans. Guess who are supposed to be his hands and feet--not leaving them?? THE CHURCH!

So I'm not here to preach to anyone about adoption or even hosting a child. I really don't believe that adoption is the answer. There's no way we could ever adopt all 147 million orphans out there. Not gonna happen. And people aren't going to respond to that call. Some will. Some will adopt. There are lots of people out there doing just that, and it's awesome! If you know someone--help them! Answer the call that way. Many people want to adopt but can't afford it. That is a great way to help if God has put that on your heart.

But there are so many other ways to help. There are so many other answers to the problems, so many ways to be the hands and feet of Jesus and help "the least of these." You can sponsor a child through Compassion or World Vision. I know there are lots of other ways to sponsor a child, but I know personally that these two organizations make sure that the maximum amount of your money is going to help the orphans. Follow Katie Davis at her blog Kisses from Katie and see what amazing things this young lady is doing for Jesus--just by following his call when most anyone else would have thought it was impossible. Read some books like Infinitely More and Priceless to educate yourself on what is really going on out there beyond our safe little houses and safe families.

I've found an amazing ministry called Stella's Voice. Actually, I'm pretty sure I've heard of it before, but now I'm in so deep I can't get out! I want to help. I have the overwhelming desire to help. Make sure you check out their ministry. Watch this:

Like I said, I'm in deep now. I can't back down. God has my heart. But I didn't just want to give money--although that's definitely in the plans. I know that our little bit helps as it is combined with others. But I want to do more. So here's my plan. At Christmas, everyone is more giving, right? Most people are feeling a little more charitable. I really want to get as much as I can together to send to this ministry. Their headquarters are in Alabama. The shipping can't be that much. If it gets to be so much that the shipping is ridiculous, I'll drive it there myself! But they need clothes and toiletries and toys and shoes and socks and linens. They have so many physical needs. They are trying to build two more homes that would house 70 more girls. 70 more girls that would be safe from human trafficking!!! I want to know that I'm making a difference in someone's life. It would be amazing to get to go there myself in Mondolva but that's not going to happen in time soon. So I would love to be able to help in other physicals ways.

Here are the facts. Over 20.9 million adults and children are in slavery today (sex or forced labor) according to equalitynow.org. Here's what one young survivor had to say:

"They forced me to sleep with as many as 50 customers as day. I had to give [the pimp] all my money. If I did not [earn a set amount] they punished me by removing my clothes and beating me with a stick until I fainted, electrocuting me, cutting me."--Kolab, a survivor from Cambodia

 The thing that got me so into this in the first place was hearing the statistics of orphan girls who end up in prostitution or sex trafficking. You see, in Russian (and other Eastern European countries) the orphans are turned out and expected to live on their own at 16. They are no longer adoptable and no longer a responsibility of the orphanage. This depends on the country and orphanage but the age is either 16 or 18 in each of the countries. With little education and up against insurmountable odds, what is an orphan girl to do? From statistics that I've heard, close to 90% of these girls end up as prostitutes or being sold into slavery. Human trafficking is a very lucrative business--much more lucrative than drugs. And hearing these statistics along with connecting with a sweet Ukrainian orphan (whom I've never met) just by seeing her photo, has set my heart on fire for this mission. I cannot imagine her sweet face being turned out to the streets in just a couple of years. God has given me a fierce, protective love for her already that is so deep that I just want to give her everything we can to equip her for this world. All we can really give her is Jesus. He's the only hope. My biggest prayer is that she will see that while she's here. And if God ordains it, that she will be back to live with us permanently. And in that way, maybe we can keep one more orphan out of the hands of the traffickers.

But that's just my thoughts. That's what got me to thinking about this. It got me researching and doing. And if you know me, you know I'm a doer. I got that from my mama!! I tend to sometimes do things too fast without thinking. But I know this is a good thing.

So here's what I'm asking. If you live in Knoxville (or want to mail me something) I will be collecting items to send to Stella's Voice. Like I said above, please watch the video and check out the website to see what they are all about. Here is a link to see all the things they need and the specifications. Obviously, money is also always appreciated--checks made out to Stella's Voice.

So if you feel led this Christmas to give, I'm going to start collecting whenever people start giving. If you feel led to share this with others, please do. If you feel led to help me out with this, please do. If you are in other parts of the country and you think you might want to do the same thing in your community, go for it. And let me know!! I would love to make this thing big! Just my way of trying  to help from my little corner of the world. My kids are in on this as well. The younger ones don't know all of the details of course. But we're praying. And we'll be giving as a family. Won't you join us??

Hope to hear from you soon!!!

My epiphany

I had an epiphany today.

I looked around my house at my six precious children and realized, they are all here. They are all still here. In two years, one will be gone. But for today and for the next two years, they will be here.

As tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill (and incite another round of "why are you crying, Mommy" questions--because I cry at the drop of a hat) I gathered myself and made the decision to make this the best year yet.

You see, when I started this homeschool journey 13 years ago, my oldest was 3. I was bound and determined to be the best homeschool mom ever, and he was of course going to be the best student. He was going to be the smartest and the most well behaved (if you know him, you know how that one turned out.)

As it happened, though, just as he was about to start his Kindergarten year, we added a baby to our family. He couldn't have been happier, of course. But this certainly put a little crimp in our homeschooling schedule and plans. Then as he started 1st grade, we had just added another sweet bundle. We added that 3rd bundle in the middle of his 2nd grade year. To say his first three years of academia were "scattered" would be quite the understatement.

But we kept plugging. During the summer between his 4th and 5th grade years, we added the next sweet blessing and then between 7th and 8 grade added our last. So, you see, Trand has never known school without babies. He's never known what uninterrupted time with mom was. He's never known what it was like to really stick to a schedule because there was always a little one around--always.

And Trand will be going off to college the year that Cedar starts Kindergarten. So he will have spent his entire academia life with babies and toddlers and now these last two years with a pre-schooler.

But these two years are what I'm focusing on. Because you see, I truly believe that the three year old year is when it all changes. It all gets easier. And I haven't had a 3 year old as my youngest in 13 years! So I am quite excited about this. Cedar is able to be entertained during the school day. He's got five brothers and sisters who absolutely LOVE playing with him. They are thrilled when it's their break time or their scheduled "Cedar time" and they get to play Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or even My Little Pony (Rainbow Dash is unabashedly his favorite) with him.

My epiphany came today when I realized how easy the last week and a half has been. We've gotten all of our school work done every day, there have been no major breakdowns, relatively few distractions, decent attitudes all in all, and I've really felt like we've accomplished a lot. It dawned on me that this was the difference--my youngest was three.

In the same thought it dawned on me that my oldest is 16 and a Junior. He will be leaving in two years. Yes, while my youngest is getting older and easier, that means everyone else is as well.

I will not be dwelling on what I'll be feeling in two years. I want to live in the moment now. I want these next two years to count. I want to soak up every memory, every thought, every word. I want to cherish every laugh shared--especially between my oldest and youngest. I want to capture the moments of bellowing laughter and sweetness shared, drinking in the beautiful times and even the not so beautiful ones.

Yes, I plan on making it a memorable two years. I don't know where life will be taking us tomorrow or next week or next year. But I'm enjoying the ride with six great kids that I have the amazing privilege of mothering.

And I wouldn't miss it for the world.

What is required?

Last night I had Jon listen to this song.....

He had heard it before on the radio, but he has a problem actually listening to a song past the first 20 seconds. ;) It's called "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline, and I cry every time I hear it. If you just skipped over it and you're not familiar with it, it's about adoption. And it's dead on.

You see, Jon and I talk a good bit about adoption. Well, mainly I talk, he listens, and then says something about waiting for God to change his heart about it!! Ha! But recently we got a bit of good news. Jon got a new CFO position at a bigger hospital here in Knoxville. Now he will be only 12 minutes from home instead of 45-50! Plus, it comes with a salary increase. That got me thinking about the verse "Everyone to whom much was given, much will be required." (Luke 12:48.)

Now this isn't a new revelation. It's not like I all of a sudden think we have "much." I think pretty much everyone in America has "much." If you have a roof over your head, clothes on your body, food in your refrigerator and especially a device on which you are currently reading this blog post, you have "VERY MUCH" by the rest of the worlds' standards! But this current turn of events has gotten me thinking....what is required of me?

I also know this.  "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit [or care for] orphans and widows in their affliction." So we are commanded to care for the orphans. Actually, it's true religion. (Side note: I do often think the widows get a little left out of this equation so I'm not trying to short them. But for my purposes today, I'm talking about the orphans.)

Adoption is always on my radar these days. I think it's a beautiful picture of how we have been made Children of God. We were born into sin. We were as far from God's children as we could be because God cannot be in the presence of sin. But although we did not deserve any of it, our creator chose us from before the foundation of the world to be called "Sons and daughters of God." Ephesians 1:5 says, "He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will."

Of course, we have our own adoption story in this family. It has touched us in a very real and personal way. And the fact is, there are orphans out there who need families. I know there's a lot of corrupt stuff that goes on in adoption, but I don't think we can let that deter us from those truly in need.

So I worry. I worry that we aren't doing enough. We aren't doing what is required of us. I worry that we aren't practicing true religion and giving what we should be.

But today, God has been giving me another verse. 

He has told you, O man, what is good;
    and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love mercy,
    and to walk humbly with your God? ~Micah 6:8

What does the God require from us??? This is it! This is for me today! This is all I have to do--for today. You see, I'm in the wonderful position of being the wife of a wonderful man. So that means I get to submit to his decisions. Yes, you read that right. I get to!! 

Submission is a beautiful thing to me. It means that I don't have to answer for all of our family's decisions. It means that if things don't work out, I'm not the one in charge. It means that I don't have to agonize over what to do with our money or resources. Yes, I have input and opinions and Jon values 

those. But in times like this when I'm stressed over everything, I get to put that stress aside and rest. It means that the decision of whether or not to adopt is not just sitting on my shoulders. I am not to be my husband's holy spirit and continually whisper in his ears, "There are orphans who need us..."

I trust that God will speak to Jon about what to do with what He has given us. I also trust that praying will be a much more effective way of working on Jon's heart than my words in his ear! So I'll work on my part to do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with God. I would say that's quite the undertaking right there--enough for me to spend quite some time on!!

Adoption: the beautiful and the ugly

Adoption is a beautiful thing. But it's also hard and messy. 

I had lunch with a friend on Monday, and I told her that very statement. I was talking about my own adoption experience. I wouldn't change for the world what happened in our lives to bring us to the decision to adopt. Adoption wasn't really on our radar before that. I know some people have felt led to adopt their whole lives. Even though I grew up next to a family that adopted two children, it was never something on my heart until I struggled with my own infertility. If you haven't read my story and care to, you can read about it in part one and part two of my struggle. I know that God brought us to adoption through our circumstances--no other way around it! And I'm so thankful that he did.

You see, Liza-Hill is amazing. She has blessed our family in countless way. She also is a blessing to most everyone else that she is around. She's energetic and silly. She's self confident and knows what she wants. She loves to make people happy, and she makes a friend everywhere she goes to prove it! She has no time for school because she's constantly FaceTiming her plethora of friends. And best of all, she has an amazing heart for Jesus, and if you ask her to pray for you, you can bet she will! Adoption has been a beautiful thing in our life. Everyday I see it. I see it in her smile, hear it in her laugh, watch it in action as she dances around a room. She shines light everywhere she goes. She is love incarnate!

So how is adoption hard and messy in our house? We have a pretty easy time of it. No language barriers, no cultural differences, no past to be reminded of or work through. But I'll tell you, as wonderful as Liza-Hill is, she is still human. She is still mean to her sisters sometimes. She is still disrespectful as times. She still does plenty of things that require discipline on our part as parents. And I'm telling you what, not one time of discipling her has ever happened that it didn't cross my mind,

"Is she going to hold this against me?"

Is she going to feel like this isn't my job? Is she going to think, "If I was with my birth mom, she wouldn't be doing this." Is she thinking, "She's only doing this because I'm adopted"? And dreading the day that everyone says is coming, the day that she looks me in the eyes and shouts, "You're not my REAL mom!"

Liza-Hill has been talking about finding her birth parents for years. I know she doesn't do this to hurt me. She has no idea how it turns the knife in my heart each time she says it. I know that my daughter is a people person. She would absolutely die if she couldn't be around people. So having that unknown about her birth parents in her life is a hard thing. I don't blame her, and it's not like I don't understand. I just know what's very likely going to happen from there.

I hear stories quite often of happy reunions--birth mothers and their biological children. I don't hear them as often about birth fathers, but I met Liza-Hill's birth father. I'm sure he's going to be just as excited to see her as she is him. She has his personality through and through. I hear of kids who were placed for adoption going on vacation with their birth mothers (and their family.) They spend time together at family reunions or other important events.  I always hear these stories in a wonderful, positive light. And to the people telling them, they are a wonderful thing.

But as I hear these stories, my throat closes a little, my eyes fight to hold back tears, and I paste on a happy *oh-that's-so-great* smile as that knife in my heart turns a little more. And I think, "What about the adoptive parents? Where are they in all of this? What about the years of love, sweat and tears they poured into raising this child?"

I'm trying to prepare myself for that day in my life. Even more than hearing the horrible, "You're not my REAL mom," I am dreading that day. That day when she turns 21 and begins her quest, that she will not end until her goal is met, to find the parents who gave her life, the ones who brought her into this world and into my arms. I know her. I know her inside and out. And I know that she will have to do this. I won't stop her. It's who she is. She will have to know them. She will have to seek out her blood sister as well, the one that her birth mom placed for adoption two years before she was born. She will do this because they are a part of her, and she needs them.

I would never deny them the blessing of knowing my sweet Liza-Hill. They made that unselfish choice to give her to me so many years ago, and I will be forever grateful. No, I would not try to keep her from them or them from her. She WILL make their lives better, happier, fuller.

It's times like these, when I get so overwhelmed with the thought of having to share her one day, that I have to remember that none of my children "belong" to me. They belong to Jesus. I have no idea what could happen to any of them even tomorrow. I trust in my Savior for the care of all of them, and I must do the same for Liza-Hill. I must share her one day. I know that.

My prayer is that while it will be exciting for her one day to meet her birth family, she will always remember my snuggles, my tickles, my back rubs, my songs, my silliness, my words, my time and my tears. That may be selfish of me, but I really don't care. :) She will always be mine even if I have to share her a little bit, and I pray for the grace to do that well.

Be Disappointed!!

This morning as I was getting ready in my bathroom, Cama-Jane walked in and complained, "Netflix isn't working again!" I said, "I'm sorry." She repeated herself, this time a little more whiny and demanding, "Netflix isn't WORKING!" Once again I said, "I'm sorry," and added, "I can't fix it." She raised her voice another couple of octaves and emphatically yelled, "NETFLIX ISN'T WORKING!!!" I stopped what I was doing, looked at her, and once again said, "I'm sorry. I can't fix it. What do you want me to do??" With furrowed brows and fists clenched tightly, she stomped her foot, looked up at me and loudly squeaked, "Be disappointed!"

Ahhhh, be disappointed....

Isn't that just what we all want sometimes? Someone to just be disappointed with us? Someone to feel some sympathy? Wallow in our pain for a bit? This is what husbands are usually so bad at!! We tell them a problem, and they want to fix it, and they think that's what we're wanting too! (Just like I assumed CJ wanted me to.) Sometimes, just like my daughter, we know there's nothing that can be done as a "quick fix." We just have to wait it out, but in the meantime it's nice to have someone down in the pit just to understand, just to sympathize, just to be disappointed with you! 

(Don't get me wrong. I'm not bashing husbands!! No, this is not a place for that. They are awesome when we really need the answers to "how to fix it!!" But that's for another day.)

I think Jesus understood this. In Matthew 28:11 he says, "Come to me, all who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Could Jesus fix our problems?? Of course he could. It's kind of his specialty! But that's not the help he offers here. He just says, I know you need someone to rest in. You are tired. You are weary. Life stinks right now. I'll take your disappointments, ease them, and give you a glimpse of eternity where they won't matter anymore!" 

Do I think Jesus wants us to wallow in self pity or guilt or sorrow? No!! He offers more than just a listening ear. He may not give a solution right away, but he gives something even better. He gives us the gift of rest. He offers to take it all away. He takes away the worry, and he replaces it with peace of mind. He gives us the option of an anxiety free life! That's way better than just "being disappointed" with us!

So the next time you have a friend who just needs you to listen to their problems, sympathize with them and "be disappointed," go ahead a wallow a little bit--because all women need a little understanding. Then point them to Jesus. Remind them that He can take their burdens. Whisper to them the truths of our great God. He has not forgotten them. And maybe Jesus will use you to help them get a glimpse of eternity, of the glorious future that is laid before us as children of the one true King. 

Benefits of beets, beet juice and beet kvass

I'm writing this post to further continue my last post that contained the beet kvass recipe. I didn't have time to explain the benefits of beets and lacto-fermentation. But I wanted to do that because beets are amazing little roots with so many health benefits. Many people think they don't like beets, but I wonder how many of those people haven't even tried them as adults!! And maybe once you find out all the nutrition in them, you may be less reluctant to "develop a taste." And, selfishly, I'm hoping to convince my husband to drink the kvass I've got brewing!! :)

Beets are pure medicine for the blood! They are a blood cleanser and blood alkalizer. They lower blood pressure and decrease the risk of blood clots because they are converted to nitric acid in the body which works as a vasodilator. This means they actually help blood vessels open allowing blood and oxygen to flow more smoothly! Pretty impressive, I'd say!

Beets are also a liver cleanser--a perfect tonic, you might say. Beet Kvass is a good treatment for kidney stones.

Our family has enjoyed beets for years. Well, enjoyed may be too strong of a words for the other members of my family. They have eaten them, but I definitely enjoy them!! I love to add them to my juicing regiment as well.

But when I recently learned about beet kvass and the lacto-fermentation of beets, I was intrigued. I know that fermented food acts as strong probiotics to produce good gut flora--which is essential to a healthy lifestyle.

"Professor Zabel observed that sick people always lack digestive juices, not only during the acute phase of their illness but also for a longtime afterwards. In addition, he never saw a cancer victim that had a healthy intestinal flora....Thus, the different lacto-fermented foods are a valuable aid to the cancer patient. They are rich in vitamins and minerals and contain as well enzymes that cancer patients lack." ~~Annelies Schoneck Des Crudites Toute L'Annee  (Excerpt taken from Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon.)

Beet juice also contains quercetin, resveratrol, and other powerful antioxidants. Quercetin has been linked to supporting the immune system, clearing excess congestion, supporting bone health, and may aid in fighting mild allergy problems. My oldest son takes quercetin quite often during different times of the year. Quercetin and resveratrol are both polyphenols. Many scientists have realized that polyphenols are among the most effective natural agents for helping to prevent some of the chronic diseases of aging, including cardiovascular disease and neurodegenerative diseases—and perhaps for helping to slow the aging process itself.

So, after all of that, tell me you're not willing to even try it??? Come on! What do you have to lose? It's some pretty powerful stuff. You are what you eat, remember? People don't say that so much anymore, but it's still just as true! 

*The difference between lacto-fermentation and regular fermentation is that lacto-fermenation produces lactic acid; whereas regular fermentation produces alcohol.*