Getting the focus off of me!

So I've been praying a lot lately--well, pleading is more like it. I mean the "throwing myself before the throne" kind of praying. It really hasn't been for me. It's for the stress that my sweet husband is going through right now, but I'm not going to go into that.

No, today has given me a whole new reason to pray. It's not that our situation isn't important. And I'm pretty sure that it's still right up there ranked #1 in Jon's mind because he hasn't said but about three words since he's been home. (And that's pretty few even for him!) :) But Jesus has given me a peace about our situation--no matter what happens, he has ordained it and will see us through.

But today other events have shadowed over thoughts of our problems. There are rampant wildfires here in Naples--just a few miles from us. There is 1500 acre fire burning that has tripled from this morning because of the winds. The winds are supposed to continue through tomorrow as well. Thankfully, the winds are blowing it in a different direction from us. But as it's doing that, there are 50+ homes with families who are in it's path. That number will more than likely grow. Another smaller fire north of here has already destroyed 4 homes, and there are 18 more in danger. The huge fire here is only 30% contained as of right now.

In other news, tornadoes are tearing up our country--all over the southeast, and all over towns and cities where we have friends and acquaintances. Two families that we know personally from college have been affected in the Chattanooga area. One's house was completely destroyed. They have five children. So thankful that none of them were home. God blessed them with the safety of their lives, but it doesn't make it any easier, I'm sure, that they've lost every material thing that they own. Another family that owns a Bed and Breakfast was hit badly as well. From what I understand, there was much damage done to their home and business.

And then there are all of those that we haven't heard from or ones that were hit that we don't know. They all have lives as well. There are some who have lost everything--humanly speaking. And it drives me to get out of my selfish thoughts and focus on them.

So I pray tonight that God would grant them peace--the peace that passes all understanding. I pray that he would use these tornadoes to bring his children closer to him, and that people would seek him out in their devastation. Isn't that when we usually seek him? Isn't that what it sometimes takes? I'm ashamed to admit that's what it takes for me a lot of the time. Sure, I give him the compensatory prayers. I try really hard to read my Bible and teach my children about him on a daily basis. We talk about him a lot, and we even sing praises and memorize scripture and all those good things. And they are good things. But do I do it with a heart that truly longs for him? Do I pray earnestly on a consistent basis? If I'm honest, I have to say "no."

So right now, God's got my attention. He's got my prayers and my thoughts. He's consuming me....

.....hmmmm, isn't that the point?

Happy Birthday, Breck!!

As you can see, he was a chunk!! This was about 2 1/2 months.

This year my sweet Breck shared his birthday with Easter. It's always hard to share your birthday with a holiday. It makes me feel really sorry for anyone whose birthday is on Christmas!! It's hard to get it all fit in during the day or even weekend! But since I started this year posting their birth stories on their birthdays, I'll do that with his today.

Breck's birth was so amazing because he was my first home birth! I had a midwife for my first, but he was born in a hospital in Chattanooga. After we moved to Naples, I found out that midwives were not allowed to attend births in the hospital here so I set out to find out more about alternative avenues. I had done lots of studying about home births and water births when I was going through infertility for all those years so I was pretty informed. I knew what I wanted. Convincing my husband was a little bit different!

After we adopted Liza-Hill, I found out that I was pregnant with Breck when she was almost 6 months old. What a shock!! So I called the free standing birth center in town and made an appointment as soon as possible because I had needed to take progesterone with my first pregnancy. I had really done a lot of natural stuff to balance out my hormones before I got pregnant this time (which is probably why I was able to get pregnant!) so I didn't need anything extra. I took Jon in with me, and he agreed to letting me have my baby at the birth center. What I really wanted, though, was a home birth. After talking with him for awhile and bringing him back to talk to my midwife, he agreed. I was thrilled! Plus, at the time we lived about 2 miles from the hospital so he felt better about that. These days, that's not even a thought in his mind!! :)

Because of high blood pressure, I was on bed rest for about the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy. My mama had come down to help with the other kids and Jon and help take care of the house. I remember vividly just lying around reading Francine Rivers novels--waiting and waiting..... He was due May 1.

So I was woken up around 2 am April 24 with pretty regular contractions. I did exactly what I tell my doula clients NOT to do. I got up and started timing contractions! :) If I knew then what I know now, I'd have tried to go back to sleep as well as I could and deny it as long as possible. But by 7 am, they were coming very regularly and stronger. I called Dawn (my midwife) around 8 am just to let her know that things were probably on their way. By 10 am, everything had stopped!! So I know the feeling, ladies. It stinks! I worked for hours trying to get things to start again--walking and walking all over the golf course!! I talked to my midwife again, but she decided to come by around 3 anyway just to check. She didn't have anymore appointments for the day, and she thought she'd see how I was doing before going home.

She checked me, and I was 5 cm. So my body had done some work. I can't remember exactly how much I was before I went into labor that morning, but I'm usually around 3 cm for a couple of weeks beforehand so I'm sure that's what I was then as well. Well, she figured she shouldn't leave to go home with me being 5 cm--especially because she lived about 35-40 minutes away. So she got me using the breast pump. I pumped and pumped, and things started getting going again. We did that for a long time. All the while, my blood pressure was going up. Although things were continuing, and I think I was about 6 cm at 6 pm, she really wanted to rupture my membranes because of my blood pressure. She wanted to get that baby out so as not to risk having to go to the hospital!! So I said, "Okay."

Well, of course as soon as she did that, we were off to the races. Up until that point, I didn't really consider myself in labor because nothing really hurt. I didn't have to work through any contractions--they were just there. That's always nice when you still feel that way at 6 cm!

So things started rockin' then. With my first, I had planned on going natural, but I ended up getting an epidural at 9 cm. That's how I KNOW how hard it is to have a baby in a hospital and resist the pain medication!! So this was going to be my first time with nothing. I did fine breathing through the contractions, and got into the bathtub around 7 pm. Up until that point I was in the bed on my left side because of my BP. By that time it had gotten low enough to get in the tub. It stayed down in the tub. That was heavenly and I really wanted to stay there and have the baby in there. As I went into transition, I started to do and say what most moms do and say at that point (at least the first time they labor without pain meds) and that was, "I can't do this!" I started to tense up, and I remember Dawn being so great at calming me down and bringing me back to where I needed to be. My mom told me later that she and Trand were in his room while I was in transition. His room shared the wall with my bathroom. She said she was trying to read him books to keep his mind off of hearing me so she kept reading louder and louder. When I yelled, "I can't do this!" he looked at her and said, "Well, I guess mom's never gonna have this baby." :)

All of a sudden I really needed to poop. She told me it was just that I needed to push, but I was convinced that I needed to poop. She let me get on the toilet but made me promise not to have the baby in there! :) After a few minutes, I figured she was right. But I was so afraid that I was going to poop (because I had been having diarrhea which is totally common during labor) that I didn't get back in the tub. I was so sorry for that later because I never did!

So around 9, I went and got on my bed. I remember being so uncomfortable with Jon sitting behind me to help me--but we were not in the best position. I couldn't figure out how to get in a good position at that point in labor though so I just stayed there. We called Trand and mama in to let them come and join us for the birth. I don't remember a lot about pushing with him except for when we got to the "ring of fire." I just remember saying, "THIS IS THE RING OF FIRE!! AND NOW I KNOW WHY!"

At 9:33 pm, I pushed out my big bundle of love. He was 9 lb. 2 oz. and I was immediately in love. It was so different from the first time around. My birth experience with Trand wasn't necessarily a bad one, but I certainly didn't have the same feelings surrounding the birth. I'm sure it was the pain meds and over medicalization of the birth. But Breck was wide awake and completely ready to nurse! I knew I didn't want this baby to leave my side, and he didn't for probably the first six months of his life!! I don't know if it was because he was my first home birth or just his personality or what, but he has always been like that with me. He is my sweet Mama's boy, and I love it! He loves his mama more than anything on earth, and he doesn't mind telling it to the world! :)

Trand was six years old and so excited to be at the birth. He was excited about every step of the pregnancy. We let him cut the cord, and he loved that. And this story about his was published in DONA International (a doula journal.) When the placenta came out, he asked what it was. I told him that's what fed the baby while he was in Mommy's tummy. Trand said, "Well, I wish he had eaten all of it because I don't want to look at it!" :) It was hilarious!! My midwife broke up, and she said she has shared that story so many times over the years! It's still something we laugh about.

So after a couple of hours, my midwife left and my sweet baby and I settled in to our own bed for the night. It was so wonderful not to have nurses coming to check my vitals all during the night or having to try to get comfortable in a hospital bed. I had my other two sweet little ones in their beds and my newest addition right next to me in mine. Life couldn't have gotten any better!

Breck continued to love to nurse, and at 12 weeks old, he weighed 21 lbs. That was ONLY breastmilk!! Crazy!

My three sweet little ones!!

Breck now--with no shirt, as usual!

Sweet Breck with his little brother. Now he's the big brother, and he loves that role!!

Dying Easter Eggs

 Before the mess!

Despite what it may look like, Trand really was excited about dying eggs! He just doesn't like his picture taken!! :) 

Now the fun begins!

Yes, he had a little help getting so messy. 

He had lots of fun for sure! 

 Here's a few playing with my instagram on my iphone. I really wish they had this on the iMac!! It adds all these different "lenses"

 All cleaned up and having fun with my sisters!!

Roasted pear and blueberry chicken salad

Tonight's supper (before the goat cheese--completely forgot to put it on!)

Roasted pear and blueberry chicken salad with raspberry walnut vinaigrette.

There is the completed salad!! So yummy!! 

Jon has started P90X again because he's gained back just about all the weight he lost last year!! Poor thing. He's just like me! All or nothing! So he's been up before the crack of dawn exercising like crazy (and puking like crazy) and trying to eat right again. Last time I got up and made omelets every morning for him, but last time I was sleeping a full nights sleep beforehand!! I average getting up at least twice a night these days so I'm not really raring to go cook breakfast for him a 7am. So I've been up at 7:30 to make him a protein smoothie and send him off to work. It works. I'm sure he'd much rather have the omelet, though. I'll have to do that on Saturday! :)

Cheesy drop biscuits

A friend of mine sent me this recipe the other day, and I decided to try it out. These were so yummy and even liked by [most of] my kids! I was even able to give Cedar his first pieces of bread because the recipe is with coconut flour--not a grain! He, of course, thought it was wonderful! We ate them with whole roasted chicken (plain, of course--my kids' favorite!), long grain brown rice (cooked in chicken stock makes it so much yummier) and roasted beets. It was nice to add some bread back into our gluten free meals. The boys especially made several comments about how long it had been since we'd had bread at a meal! :)

3 farm fresh eggs
1/4 tsp sea salt
1/3 C diced onions
1 C cheddar cheese
1/3 C coconut flour
1/4 C liquid ghee (I used melted butter instead)

Preheat oven to 400. Mix all ingredients, drop onto cookie sheet and bake for 15 minutes. Recipe said it made 6 biscuits, but I got 8 really good sized ones. I don't know who's eating those huge 6 biscuits!! :)

The recipe also said to reheat them, you could fry them in coconut oil in a pan. I'm sure that would be good for breakfast, but we don't ever have leftovers at our house!!

Confessions

I am real. I have doubts. I falter. I question. I wonder how things are going to turn out. I get knots in my stomach sometimes thinking about the future. I worry about my children and what life is going to hand them. I wonder if they will even grow up to have a life in the same care-free way that I did. Sometimes I feel let down, even though I know God's in control. Sometimes I don't know which way to pray--and sometimes I even wonder if praying makes a difference. Yes, that's me.

Oh, I know the answers. I know what my Bible says, and I even know and believe with all that I can muster that it's true. I know Romans 8:28 that tells me that all things are working together for my good. I know Jeremiah 29:11 that tells me that God has plans to give me a hope, a future. I have even lived through worrisome, hard times that have rocked my world and changed my life and showed me that God knows exactly what he's doing. I have no reason to doubt God, but I am human. I am frail and sometimes, yes, unbelieving.

I don't want to be this way, yet I also know that this is what connects us. We have all felt this way at some time whether we want to admit it or not. And if you haven't, you're either not old enough or you're lying to yourself!

The reason for my "sick to my stomach" feeling right now is uncertainty. I don't know what's going to happen in my family's life. Now, I realize that most of life is uncertain. The day to day challenges and changes don't bother me. I'm pretty much a "go with the flow" kind of girl. But the fact that this big uncertainty has gone on now for about 7 months is what's getting to me.

Don't get me wrong. I know I'm blessed. I know I'm blessed to have a wonderful, faithful husband who dedicates his life to taking care of me and our children. I know I'm blessed to have six precious arrows on loan from God to mold and sharpen with the tools that He's given me. I also know that these things are in God's hands as well and can be taken away. I can't let myself dwell there because that's not where I need to be! And I don't!

My feelings of uncertainty stem from my husband's job situation. Thankfully, he has a good job--even a job that he loves, which is a HUGE blessing. But ever since he was blessed with this job 3 years ago, we've known that there's no way we can afford our current home on his present salary. After the economy collapsed and other such things happened, his company put on a wage freeze that was just recently lifted so in the past (over) 3 years, he's only ever gotten a 2% pay increase. Now, I realize I shouldn't complain because there are so many out there in worse situations without jobs or in very low paying jobs who have lost their very homes, etc. I know it could be worse, and I thank God every day for his job!! But the fact is, we can't afford our house. We've never missed a mortgage payment because my husband would rather have us go without groceries before he'd do that, I think. And that makes me respect him all the more! He's the most ethical man I know, and I'm so proud to be married to him.

But being ethical doesn't pay the bills! :) Maybe it helps in the long run--but it doesn't directly deposit it into the bank account, which takes us to my point of concern. Three years ago, when Jon got this job as a controller, he was told that eventually he would be moved to a hospital in another town as a CFO. That's been his desire. He's a very driven man who wants to continually better himself. We were both excited at the time with the prospect of moving. When we moved here 11 years ago, we never expected to stay here this long. Neither of us love the weather, and we certainly aren't in love with the consumerism and "me" mentality of Naples. So moving was a nice thought.

Then something in me changed probably about 9 months ago. For some reason, my heart started changing. Our life has been here for eleven years. Our friends are here. Our church is here. We have family here. I'd like to believe that God changed my heart because he wants to keep us here, but that hasn't been proven yet. But for whatever reason, I started praying that we would be able to stay. In October, the first "real" rumblings of moving started. For some reason or another, none of them worked out. There was never a time that he was "beat out" by anyone else, but it's just the way it happened. So I told Jon that I had been praying that we would stay here. He told me that there was no possible way that was going to happen. I told him nothing was impossible with God, and I would continue to pray that way.

There was a job opening in Lehigh Acres (about 50 minutes up the road), and we both thought this was it. If he could get the position there, we'd get the pay increase we needed and not have to move. This was perfect. "Thank you, God, that you have answered our prayers!" Well, not so fast. Another controller that was in that division ended up getting it as an interim position then the CEO of that hospital got fired which put everything on hold..... blah, blah, blah. In the end, of course, the interim controller will become the permanent CFO because who in the world wants to go to Lehigh anyway?? So we were back to square one.... but I continued to have faith.

So a few weeks ago, Jon sends me an email from the CEO of his hospital. Without going into great length, lots of changes happened, and they made Jon the interim CFO at one of the Naples hospitals. Wow, God!! I had faith that God had answered in the most amazing way imaginable. Now, the only way that he could really "lose" the position and not be made the permanent CFO would be if another current CFO from another hospital in his company wanted the position. I was sure that God had done all this to work it out for us. I was sure that no one would want it!

But, alas, I have found out in the past couple of days that two CFOs are interested in it. Nothing has been decided yet, but from the moment I heard it, Satan has been whispering defeat in my ear. Through all these months, I have held strong to my faith that God has us here for a reason. There are things that have happened recently in my personal life that give me even more reason to want to stay. So now I'm questioning if I'm being selfish in my desire to stay. After all, I'm the one who wrote a couple of months ago about sacrifice. Being a wife and mother is dedicating yourself to a life of sacrifice, right? Do I have the right have any dreams? I don't know.... this is a real struggle.

So here I am right now--in the middle of my messy life. I know the truth, thankfully. I know the creator of the stars and the creator of me who has all the plans in his hands. I know these things, and yet I still struggle with the day to day thoughts of it all. I still struggle with worrying about how I will ever be able to get this house in decent selling order or learning and abiding by a stricter state's homeschooling laws. I struggle with worrying about my kids' reactions and disappointments to leaving their friends and the only home they've ever known. I struggle with the disappointment of fighting for, praying for and loving our church through really hard times, seeing it being blessed by God, becoming a wonderful family for my children, building an incredible new building (that's completely paid for!) only to know that I might be leaving before we even ever get into the building of the amazing church that we've given so much of our lives to. And then I struggle with my personal dreams--dreams that I wonder if I should even have the audacity to dream. I really don't even feel begrudging about losing them. I really just want to use my talents to bring glory to God, and I can say that with all honesty. I know that he doesn't need me or my talents to bring glory to himself. He's the author of anything and everything that's good in me. But still.... it's a struggle.

And most of all it's a struggle because there's still no end. There's no timeline. There's no one saying "this is going to be over in a month....or two months".....or whatever! Last October, I would have never thought I would still be in the same place mentally, emotionally or maybe even physically. But here I am. Here we are, still paying the same mortgage payment with the same income. Here we are still paying our property taxes and insurance with our tax refund and paying off our credit cards (because the salary just doesn't cover it) with bonus money. Yes, I'm thankful for those things. I'm thankful for the refund and the bonus money. It's hard to see it fly out the window as fast as it came in without ever "getting ahead" but at least we're not getting too much farther behind either.

So here I continue to sit in uncertainty. I continue to live my life and make my plans on the outside--all the while on the inside not knowing if we'll be here to start school in the fall or to even attend art camp or VBS in June. I have a God who knows, but he's not really in the business of letting me in on all his plans!

So my prayer is just that I will be the wife I need to be--to be a helpmeet to my hardworking, faithful husband. I want to support him and love him and feel the way I felt on my wedding day--that no matter where we ever had to move or live.... I was totally and completely happy that it would always be with him! And I pray that I will be the mother that my children need through any changes that God brings about. I pray that I will be strong for them. I pray that my faith will be strong enough for them to see Jesus in me. I pray that as I go through the fire that I will be supple in my Maker's hands, that the refinement process will go quickly and smoothly. :) (Don't we all want that?) I pray he will mold me and make me to look more like his Son and that I would come out on the other side radiating his light even more. My life is his; it is not my own.

The most important things

I haven't made many posts about homeschooling. This isn't because I don't think it's important or don't have anything to say about it, but mostly because it's been my experience that when I talk about the fact that I homeschool--someone seems to feel judged. I really try to not sound holier than thou because I really don't think that!! I feel that God has called our family to homeschool so of course I talk positively about it. I don't get offended when others talk of Christian school or public school as good for their families so please don't feel offended when I share about one of the most important parts of our life!

That being said, I've been thinking a lot about the most important things I teach my kids. After our experience with Classical Conversations this year, I was left feeling a little less than adequate as a homeschooling mom. I sat in my six year old's class with other five and six year olds who could skip count their 7's, 8's and 9's. Mine can only go as high as doing her 3's. Six year olds could sing every history sentence back from the beginning of the year, and one even stood in the opening with his seven year old sister and quoted the entire 168 card timeline series from "Creation" to present day. Talk about wanting to crawl into a hole and hide. Each week her tutor told me how good she was at the presentations. Yes, she has a loud mouth and is not afraid to use it! :) At first this was enough, but after awhile it seemed this was the only thing she was good at! She loved the fine arts section when they used pencil and then painted. That was her favorite. Oh, and snack. She complained every week that they didn't eat snack soon enough during the day! So here it was when I went into her classroom, little six year olds spouting off what a "gerund" was, and mine sitting there asking when snack was coming!

In the middle kids' class, my daughter was thrilled to be there. My son, not so much. Anywhere that resembles a classroom is not where he wants to be!! He's smart enough--for sure. I don't worry about the two of them when it comes to academics. They are both very good readers and excel in Math. They are fast learners in everything so they are my easy-to-school kids! This makes it nice--especially since they are only 13 months apart, and I teach them everything together besides Math.

My oldest was in an all day classroom setting for the first time in his life. He's in "8th" grade. Even though it was just one day a week, it was rough on him. He didn't enjoy it. Everyone kept telling me how much he would love it so I held out a little bit of hope, but no, he held to his belief that school is for the birds.

After striking out with three out of four kids involved, I had to start wondering about myself. It certainly made me think it must be me. I mean, I will be the first to admit that we didn't work on it like we should at home. Sure, we listened to the CD in the car, and some weeks we did work on our timeline and look up some of the things they talked about. But all in all, I know I didn't do what I needed to do for my kids to be the kids who knew it all! But I kept asking myself, how could I? Every time we'd start, my three year old would have some sort of need (or just the need to be a pest!) Even if I tried while the baby was napping, that would mean his morning nap was used to do all of our "regular" schoolwork and then his afternoon nap was used for CC schoolwork. Nothing else ever would get done. But still.... other moms do it!

But looking at the facts realistically, the only other family who had a baby have a 4 year old and 6 year old as their other two--no older kids. My friend started the year there with a baby but stopped shortly after Christmas. We seem to have a lot in common when it comes to "school." Plus, there were only two other families with 3 year olds as well. I happened to have both--a baby and a 3 year old. I'm not making excuses. I'm just being realistic.

So I started to think about all these families who have it all together! It can get pretty intimidating out there in the real world. Homeschool moms always seem to be competing for who can make school the most fun; who has the most creative games, crafts, snacks, etc.; whose 2nd grade can read on a 7th grade level; whose children are lining up for the spelling and geography bee; who is involved in every co-op, homeschool group, and activity and still manages to have the smartest kids!! I'm telling ya, it can get exhausting trying to keep up--especially when it seems that you are the one who keeps having babies and lagging behind. I wrote a post once about "there is no Supermom" but, like I said, I'm just as guilty of comparing myself to "her."

But Sunday night as I watched my children proclaim the gospel through their words and songs, my heart started to change. I watched my nine year old, who had cried back in September the first time she stood up to do her presentation at CC and couldn't even make it through, stand in front of 150+ people and quote lots of memorized lines, remember when she was supposed to come in, and be one of the loudest singers in the choir. I watched my [almost] eight year old son, who can't stand to sit in a classroom and who cringes with fear at "impromtu" speaking, easily spout off his memorized parts, show promise of a true actor, sing his solo with ease and truly belt out every song that the choir sang for Jesus. I heard my six year old, with her sweet precious voice, lift up praises as she sang "Jesus, name above all names" for her Savior.

I stand in awe as my children's prayer life blows mine out of the water. They come to me and tell me of prayers that they have been praying that have now been answered. They are persistent in their pleadings to our Father. I am thrilled beyond measure to hear them lay their petitions and praises before the throne.

I sat teary eyed as my nine year old joined the church this past Sunday, knowing that the really important part had been done last week as she went before the elders and answered, with confidence, fifteen questions that most adults wouldn't be able to answer. I know she knew those things because her daddy and I asked them to her a couple of days before, and she didn't have a hesitation as she explained who her first parents were, why she was a sinner, what sin was, and why she needed a Savior. She knew those because she has grown up with a family at home and at church as well as grandparents who have taught her the important things!

I am often blown away by comments from my 14 year old, and have been since he was very young, teaching me even more about God and the world around us. He has such a great perspective sometimes, and he sees himself very clearly as a sinner in need of a Savior.

I watched yesterday as my eight year old son freely gave his 3 year old sister his balloon after her's popped (doing something that he had already warned her not to do.) I see him time after time put each of his sisters before himself as he learns to live sacrificially and selflessly. I don't claim to be the one who made him that way! He seeks his Savior.

I try to answer the hard questions from my six year old as she's trying to learn all about this world and the God who created it. She asks questions like "Mom, does God make wrecks happen?" and "Mom, why did God let Satan tempt Eve?" I hear her talk about heaven and the new world with excitement as she and her siblings discuss what they think it will be like! They want to ride on dinosaurs and lie down with lions.

And then I think, yes, these are the important things. They know their Jesus. They are learning to be servants. They have a long way to go--but they are getting there. They remember to pray for the people in Japan when I don't. They remember to do our catechisms at night when Jon and I don't. They remember that we need to do devotions when I don't. They are teaching me more than I could ever teach them, and they are playing a huge part in my sanctification.

As for academics, yes it's important. I'm not saying that at all! They are learning it--at their own speed. They are making it through the math and the spelling. They are learning history and writing (sort of.) I'm doing what I can to make sure they stay where they need to be, but sometimes life gets in the way. And they are learning how to deal with that life in a way that pleases Jesus. And I'm proud to claim them as my children!!

My heart is filled with joy!!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!

 Vanya is going home!! He's got a forever home now!! There have been several families who have expressed a desire to adopt this sweet precious boy, and one of them is going to be the most blessed of all to welcome him into their family!!

I've prayed so many times for this little boy over the past week or so as God has brought him to my mind. It makes my heart soar to know that he's got a family!! How great is our God! He works in mighty ways in the hearts of his people.

Thank you to the ones of you who reposted my posts about Vanya! That page on my blog got triple the amount of hits yesterday than any of them ever have!! I was amazed and humbled that God would use it to get the word out.

Thank you, God, that you care for the orphans--and that you use your people here on earth to do it! I thank you for turning your people's hearts towards this ministry of adoption and that we would continue until every last little boy and girl has a forever home!

Easter Musical

Our children at church, the "Covenant Kids," put on a musical Sunday night called Little League Gospel. I was in charge of it, and it has taken a big part of my life since January. It was wonderful, but it will be nice to have my life back as well!! :) I was so proud of all the kids and how hard they worked. The musical included four traditional hymns as well as a few contemporary songs. I really wanted the kids to get familiar with some old hymns of the faith as that is missing in today's church it seems. Liza-Hill and Breck both were two of the main characters with big speaking roles. Breck had a solo and Shepley had a duet with a friend. Cama-Jane ended up singing in the entire program as well even though we hadn't planned on it! :) They all did a fantastic job!!

The four kids with speaking parts 

 Liza-Hill

 Breck

 Shepley singing her duet with her friend, Lauren

A few kids from church with our pastor

Another special day

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." ~3 John 1:4

Sunday was another big day in our kids' spiritual lives. My nine year old made a public profession of her faith and joined the church. I felt a little sorry for my 14 year old who was only able to do it a few months ago--only because the church hadn't offered the class in quite awhile. But thankfully we now have people in place who get things done! :) So Liza-Hill was able to go through the Communicant's Class, talk with the elders and then publicly profess her faith in front of the congregation and family on Sunday. It was a special time for her and for us as we know that this is much more important than so many of the other things that we celebrate in life!! Of course the day she accepted Christ as her Savior when she was five years old was the first most important day!! But this ranks up there. She is now part of a loving church family who will support her, teach her, challenge her, love her and even rebuke her if needed.

Our blessings are overflowing with children who are choosing to walk in the truth! I know that nothing is guaranteed in this life. I know that it isn't easy to choose the right thing. As a matter of fact, the Bible tells us that the gate is narrow (Matt. 7:13) that we are supposed to take. It's about making hard choices sometimes. But I have faith and confidence in my God--that he will lead my children down the right paths. I also believe that teaching my children the truth of the Bible--no matter how hard it may be--is what we must be doing as parents. I am thankful for a church who supports my beliefs and teaches me in the reformed faith. They also believes that, as a church, they are to teach and support the parents to be the main teachers of their children. I love my church! I love the family that we all have become! I love the way that they love me and my children! And I love all of the children (and adults) there and pledge to do all I can to help those parents bring them up in Jesus as well. That's what being a part of a church is about.

And I'm so glad my little girl now has the opportunity to see that in action even more!! She knows that she is part of a greater family than just our church. She knows she is part of the great, worldwide family of God. That, my friends, is the most exciting of all. One day

"every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." ~Phil. 2: 10-11

and my children will be among them--joined with all the nations and also joined with my husband and myself with our parents, siblings, and the list goes on.... Yes, we are blessed. Thank you, my Jesus, for your blessings! And I certainly have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth!

Please spread the word

Here's Vanya waiting for his forever home. Isn't he precious?

I don't have a lot of time because I'm waiting for my family to get into town, but I just saw this on a friend's blog, and I had to share it!

This little boy, Vanya, needs a forever home!! He is in Eastern Europe, and he is pleading for a home! You see, Vanya is HIV+. He truly believes that he will soon be chosen. The fact is, he must be chosen or a much worse fate than living in an orphanage awaits him. He will be sent to a mental institution--which is where they send all older children who don't get adopted. The saddest part is that he doesn't need to go there for any reason because he has no mental problems!! Imagine the thought! Imagine what he will see and have to endure until he gets old enough to be set "free." How then will he have a normal life to be able to function.

From what I understand, with the right medical care, an HIV+ child can live a full healthy life without the disease ever developing into AIDS. You also do not have to be afraid of transmission to you or your other children through any amount of kissing, hugging, playing, sharing of cups, or any normal childhood stuff!

Oh, every fiber in my being wants to adopt this child! I want to grab him up and kiss him and love him and tell him "Yes, you are chosen!" Right now is not the time for us. I think with my heart. My husband thinks with his head. Together, we make a pretty good team! But right now is not our time.

But maybe it's time for one of you or someone you know. The link that I've linked to is a blog where they are raising money to give to a family to adopt this child!! You would not be alone! Share this on your blog, share on your facebook page, share by word of mouth!! Just share!! Let's get Vanya home!!

The journey of manhood

My oldest took a big step toward manhood today. There have been lots of physical signs along the way, of course--a deepening voice, more body hair, a manly "swagger", getting taller, etc. All these things happen without any effort though. Anyone can do these--they don't take or build character.

No, today Trand stepped up because he was the "head of the house" this week. He's been the one to take care of things while Jon has been out of town so much lately. And he made the choice to do what needed to be done.

You see, Trand's goat died yesterday. We don't know for sure why, but we think it was from an infection in her leg. Jon had them out on ropes for about a week and a half "clearing" some areas for us. One day, when he went out to check on them, Trand's goat "Shin guards" had the rope wrapped tightly around one of her legs, and it had cut her. He unwrapped it. But the next day when Trand went out to check, she had done it again. We brought the goats back in so keep it from happening anymore. That was on Friday. I noticed over the weekend that it might need some attention, but I didn't think it was that serious. I guess I was wrong.

When I got home yesterday from CC, I saw the goat lying down by the little barn. Instinctively, I knew something was wrong. I told the kids to go in the house, and I took a bucket of water down. The other goat came over to drink, but I could tell that Shin guards was dead. Oh, I was so sad for Trand!!

He got home at 4:30. I told him, and the tears immediately sprang to his eyes. But we had to leave right away, and we didn't get home until almost 10 pm.

So first thing this morning, we went out. He pumped up the tires on the tractor (because they all have slow leaks) and put the trailer on the back. It took both of us to lift her up into the trailer (exactly what I would have planned to do this morning.) After we got her in, I looked at my 14 year old son, tears streaming down his face, quietly looking at his lifeless goat, and in that instant, my heart broke for him as it has at least 500 times over the span of his short life. This mom stuff never gets easier! I knew he was thinking of the day he first got her. Oh, how he loved her and had so many plans for her--plans that never happened just because of life.

The plan was to breed the goats and use them for milk goats. They were also going to show them in the county fair. Neither of these ideas ever came to fruition because I got pregnant and just couldn't deal with large livestock at the time! Talk about feeling guilty now!!  I know he doesn't blame me, but I do.

So then, I left him on his own. He drove her over to the side of the woods and dug a hole big enough to bury a goat. That's a big hole!! I can imagine that as he dug, he thought about her and the things he had wanted to do with her. I'm sure he remembered when she lived on the lanai her first couple of months and how he would change her straw bed and pan feed her her mother's milk that we would go pick up every week!! I'm sure he remembered the sweat and hard work he put into gutting the chicken coop to make it a goat barn and how he engineered and built a feeding trough and hay bin on the wall of the barn all by himself. I'm sure he remembered the excitement and smiles the goats brought when they were cute little kids jumping all over the yard!

And as he walked back into the house with red rimmed eyes and a dirty, tear streaked face, I knew that he had taken quite a few strides towards manhood this morning. He was sad. His heart was broken. It was hard work. But he did it. He had to do it because his dad wasn't here to help him this time. Yesterday I kept thinking how this was a horrible week for Jon to be out of town, but now I don't know. If Jon was here, I know Trand would've helped him with the job, but Jon would have done most of it--that's just what dads do. But since his dad wasn't here, Trand had to grow up a little bit more and do it himself. Even though he was broken hearted, he had to take it like a man.....and he did.

My son is becoming a man of character who isn't afraid to step up when life is hard. He is well on his way to becoming exactly the kind of man that this society is in desperate need of, and I'm so proud of him. I'm privileged to be able to watch him every step of the way.

Oh Florida, why did you do it??

I've been proud to be a Floridian over the past couple of years--proud of the conservative House that we have in our State government. They've done a great job trying to keep Obama's decisions at bay. I appreciate all they've done. But today, I'm embarrassed! How can someone do something as stupid as banning the word "uterus" from the House floor??? Now, the link that I've posted here is from a liberal source. Of course it is!! They are the ones having a hay day with this. Forget all of the good things that the House has done this year. Now they've screwed it all up because THIS is what everyone is going to be talking about!!

Forget about the fact that in a few days they are going to be trying to get a law passed that would require a doctor to give an ultrasound to a woman considering an abortion and then talk with her in depth about what actually happens during an abortion. How great is that?? But now, all we get to hear is how no one is allowed to talk about "them", but they are trying to pass a law that is all about "them!"

Don't get me wrong. I understand the reasoning behind the statement made by the Speaker of the House. He asked a Democratic House member to avoid using the word "uterus" (according to a female Republican colleague) because there are younger, under age pages there working in the House. He wanted to make sure they didn't offend anyone. But in making that rule, he actually made the word "uterus" a dirty word! I can tell you that if my children had been there, they wouldn't have thought a thing of it. They know exactly what it is (surprise, surprise) and would have been pretty shocked to hear it banned.

IT'S AN ORGAN for goodness sake!!

What affect is this going to have on the the upcoming decision to inform women before having abortions? Who knows? I certainly hope it doesn't have any affect. I think that bill has a good chance of being passed in our conservative House. It's a bill that needs to be passed. But all we're going to hear from the liberal media is about the stupid statement banning the word "uterus" instead of the important issues at hand.

I think it was a stupid decision, quickly made, and I'm sure completely regretted at this point!! But let's get on with it and focus on the real issues--please!