This has just solidified what we all know already. Moms are filled with GUILT! It's really so sad. I think this guilt has been even more built up in the last few years with the invention of the "Mom blogs" telling us how they (so it would seem) have it all together. It certainly leaves the rest of us feeling less than adequate in our mothering. Facebook certainly doesn't help either. Most people only post about the great things they've done as mothers--the fun crafts, the clean rooms, the inspirational happenings at home. Not too often do we want to post that we just totally yelled at our kid and made them cry. Um, no thank you. I'll just chalk that one up to the ones I keep to myself! (I'm just as guilty of this myself sometimes so I'm not pointing fingers!)
But "Mommy guilt" has been around since the beginning of time. It didn't take the internet to make it happen. I would be willing to be that when Cain killed Able, Eve blamed herself. I can just imagine that her conversation with herself went something like this:
"Oh if I had only taught Cain to love his brother better, this wouldn't have happened. If I had shared more of my story with him--helped him really understand what pride and self love can do, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I gave Able more attention? Maybe I expected too much of Cain since he was the oldest? Maybe if I had spent less time helping Adam with the weeds (which were of course my fault as well).....Oh what could I have done differently to change this outcome?"
Now we know how silly that is. The Bible clearly holds Cain responsible for his actions, but isn't this what we do all the time? Every wrong decision our child makes, every sinful action, every act of defiance toward God we take on ourselves.
Yes, we've been instructed to teach our children to "love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and strength." We have been instructed to "Impress [these things] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deut. 6:5,7-9) So, yeah, we've got stuff to do, right? We do play an active role in teaching our children about loving the Lord. If we don't, there aren't too many who will. And if they don't see it lived out at home, it won't make much difference who teaches it to them.
This is where the guilt comes in. We know we fail miserably at doing this!! Oh, when that first little bundle of joy comes along, some of us (maybe not all) were totally thinking we were going to get this right! We knew the way we were supposed to "train up a child" and we were committed to doing it. It probably didn't take most of us long to see that we didn't have any idea what we were doing! The parenting books didn't talk at all about what our child was doing, and our child was not responding the way the parenting books said they should! Teaching them to love the Lord? Oh man, we just wanted to teach them not hit their friends, throw a tantrum, spit at their teacher....whatever it was. We quickly saw that our children had hearts full of sin--just like us.
You know, I really HATE the saying, "God never gives you more than you can handle." I think this is so untrue! God always gives us more than we can handle. If we only had what we could handle, why would we ever turn to him? He gives us exactly what it's going to take for us to realize that we can't handle life and run into his open, loving arms. Parenting does this for most of us--more often than not. Being responsible for a life (or two or three....) is hard stuff. Teaching them Bible truths, when sometimes our lives look far from what we are supposed to be modeling, is even harder stuff! We've got experts all over the place telling us a hundred different things to do. We do what we think is right for our child, and we still seem to fail. Yeah, it sucks sometimes! We can't handle it so we run to the only place of real refuge--Jesus' arms. And he says, "Yes, my child. You messed up. But my grace is sufficient for you. I will cover your mess ups. I love your children more than you could ever know how to love. I know their future and their deepest needs. I know them (and you) inside and out, and I am the only perfect parent. Let me take this burden from you. It's too heavy for you to handle." And so we rest. We rest until we decide to take up the reins once again because we think we can do it in our own strength, and the battle starts again.
If we would only learn. If we would only truly believe that "his power is made perfect in our weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9) If we would really boast in our weakness so that Christ's power could show through us, how much more encouraging could we be to others? When we see other moms who are struggling, we identify. When we see other moms who seem to have it all together, we shy away. We step back because we could never do it like her!
Jesus was gracious enough with me to show me with my first child that I did not know anything about this parenting stuff! Oh, that child has humbled me over and over and still continues to! He has been the single greatest source of sanctification in my life over the years. I'm so thankful that God didn't give me too long to wallow in self pride over having the perfect child! That was never allowed in my house! :)
As for the guilt--we've got to drop it. We all know we're doing what we can with the knowledge we have and the children God gave us. We're all in different places on different journeys, but we share at least one common thing--motherhood. It's the greatest earthly calling each of us could have. But Jesus says give it to him! He has done it. It is finished. Our parenting failures are covered by his grace. Our screw ups and mess ups and ugliness are all covered. Jesus didn't die for us to continue wallowing in our sin and misery. Sister, give it up! Give it up to him! No guilt!! NO GUILT!! (I'm preaching to myself here as well, just so you know!)
I love moms! I do. I love young moms, old moms, moms to be, spiritual moms, and anyone else who falls into the category. My heart goes out for moms who carry the burden that they have to do it all. If this is you, please know that you don't! No one is expecting you to. And if they are, stay far away from that person. Claim your righteousness through Christ alone! You stand before the throne washed and clean and the perfect parent because God only sees Jesus when he looks at you if you've put your trust in him.
So let's forge ahead. Let's start encouraging one another through our struggles. Let's start admitting when we are weak! Find a mom today and tell her how awesome she is just because she got up and loved her children this morning! And start loving yourself a little better because of the same reason! :)
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