Starting with his kindergarten year, we added a lot of babies along the way. In all 13 years of his "formal schooling" there wasn't one year without a baby or toddler for distraction. My youngest was 4 when my oldest graduated, and that was a close as we ever got. At times I questioned whether we were really doing the right thing. Should he be somewhere that he could be more focused? Was I giving him everything he needed to prepare for life? You have no idea how many moms have asked me over the years, "What do you do with your babies and toddlers while you homeschool? What are the tricks to keeping them busy and happy while you work with the others? HOW DO YOU DO THIS??" My answer: "It looks different every.single.day." If you want concrete answers and you're good with schedules and all that jazz, there are plenty of homeschooling gurus out there who can give you lists of ideas. But that was never me. Most days I just wore my baby in a sling or wrap or some other baby wearing device (we didn't have nearly the amount to choose from back then) and went about my day instructing here and there, listening to someone read, nursing the baby, loving on a toddler, refereeing fights, maybe doing some dishes, nursing the baby, listening to multiplication tables, reading bible stories, switching some laundry, preparing for co-op class, nursing the baby, on and on until we fell into bed and got up the next day to do it all over again. And I wouldn't change a thing.....
My reasons for homeschooling changed a lot over the years. I won't go into great detail over each philosophy, but I'd say every couple of years or so I'd realize I was doing this for a whole different reason than what I had been. Like I said, when we started it was just to "get him ahead" and have him be the smartest kid in 3rd grade (when I figured we'd put him in school.) Oh how I chuckle about that now. Literally LOLing here in my living room. Then once we went to the homeschool convention in FL, my husband told me we could never put our children in school!! We certainly couldn't risk what those schools would do to them!! Once again, LOLing here!! And so we warrior-ed on this not so well beaten path blazoned by the homeschool heroes that we had grown to love and admire. We believed that this was the path down which God was taking us (and I still believe that because I believe in his sovereignty) and this was the only way for our kids.
So here's the thing....none of what we did was wrong or bad or anything to hurt our kids, but we bought into a lot of crap along the way that could have if we hadn't decided to listen to our kids instead. There is a whole lot of stuff that many hard core homeschoolers want to heap upon you and "add to" the gospel to make their's the "best" way and ensure the "best" kids coming out of your home. And they will tell you, sometimes subtly sometimes not so subtly, that you are flat out wrong if you do it differently. I can't tell you how strong the push is for certain philosophies out there, and if I hadn't been the personality that I was, I shudder to think where I could've gotten lost along the way. I also believe my sweet, level headed husband saved me from so much garbage that could've led me astray of the real gospel and what parenting and homeschooling really is.
Somewhere along the way I started realizing that my kids would really be okay if we were to put them in school. Not only okay, but there were probably some things that would actually make them better human beings. This was novel to me. (If you're laughing right now, that's okay.) So every year we do a recheck of where we are, where our kids are, and we see what would be best.
Somewhere along the way I begin to understand that this wasn't about having the smartest kids or making them into little geniuses. I realized that my kids were never going to be geniuses, actually, and that was okay and not the goal. And I actually cringe now when I see posts by homeschooling moms hailing "homeschooling" as being the reason why their kids are so smart. Let me tell you a secret...it's not. For every homeschooler out there reading at 3, there are 2 more that aren't reading until they are 10 or 12. If you laud homeschooling as the reason your little one is doing algebra at 9, there are plenty of others out there wondering what they are doing wrong since their 14 year old still can't grasp multiplication or their 11 year old is struggling with reading comprehension or their 13 year old can't write a correct sentence.
Somewhere along the way I learned that keeping them away from all the bad stuff wasn't going to save them and make them into the good, obedient, helpful and mannerly kids that I had seen at the homeschool conventions. Yes, I had been jealous of those families. I had wondered how their kids had magically turned out to be obedient and mannerly children who loved one another and respected their parents when mine got angry, yelled at each other (and us), never obeyed the first time (we were lucky if they did the 3rd or 4th), and seemed unruly and disruptive. Sadly, since those early days I've learned a lot of what many parents did to keep their kids in line, and much of it was pure child abuse. I'm not saying that all homeschooling parents did that--in the least--but in so many cases, it was. And their children have grown up now to tell the world about it.
Somewhere along the way I also began to see the truth among many lies. My eyes were opened to much of the white-washing of American history done by homeschool (and many public and Christian school) curriculums and leaders. I saw much of what I had learned (or hadn't learned at all) in school was very slanted, to say the least. I realized that my kids needed diversity in their lives. They needed different perspectives than what they were getting being around people just like them. They needed to be in the world, not kept from it. And I wanted them to do that while they were still at home, having discussions with us, asking hard questions, and feeling the freedom to disagree with us if they needed. We always direct them back to the gospel. The answers are there. There is no church, religion, homeschooling philosophy, parenting philosophy, anything that has all the answers. They will all fail you. Only Jesus will not fail. I have learned he is the only answer, and that that answer can take many different shapes, forms and philosophies in this broken world where we live.
Somewhere along the way I also began to see the truth among many lies. My eyes were opened to much of the white-washing of American history done by homeschool (and many public and Christian school) curriculums and leaders. I saw much of what I had learned (or hadn't learned at all) in school was very slanted, to say the least. I realized that my kids needed diversity in their lives. They needed different perspectives than what they were getting being around people just like them. They needed to be in the world, not kept from it. And I wanted them to do that while they were still at home, having discussions with us, asking hard questions, and feeling the freedom to disagree with us if they needed. We always direct them back to the gospel. The answers are there. There is no church, religion, homeschooling philosophy, parenting philosophy, anything that has all the answers. They will all fail you. Only Jesus will not fail. I have learned he is the only answer, and that that answer can take many different shapes, forms and philosophies in this broken world where we live.
Somewhere along the way my kids taught me a lot of stuff. They taught me to question societal claims of how to have the smartest kids and whether that was even important. They taught me that "courting" wasn't going to save them from make all the mistakes I did. They taught me that adding rules to the gospel did nothing but heap guilt and sorrow onto all of our souls. They taught me about true forgiveness and grace. They taught me that just observing and obeying cultural norms was not the way to parent. They taught me to trust them and their natural curiosities about the world around them. I've learned that academics isn't the highest goal (or even one of the top 3) for me. Teaching the WHOLE child, knowing their hearts, listening to the beat of their existence to learn what makes each one of them tick is the desire of my free spirited heart.
Somewhere along the way God showed me that to "train up a child in the way they should go" doesn't always mean what we think it means. It's not a promise that if we teach our children the truth they will not ever stray. But I do think it means that we need to know our children's hearts. We need to see their passions and desires, gifts and abilities, and encourage those things. We should tailor their education (whether in homeschooling or school) to training them in those passions and talents. When we know our children's hearts, we can help guide them in those areas. There are no cookie cutter kids. They are all different and should be treated as such.
Like I said, my philosophy of homeschooling has morphed over the years into so many different things. I no longer desire to have the perfect looking kids because I know their hearts are no different than anyone else's without Jesus. I no longer care if my kids are the smartest or read the earliest or make the best grades. I no longer buy into much of the philosophy upon which the religious homeschooling movement was built. For the last two years I've really considered school, mainly for the diversity that it would provide my children. But I keep going back to my main desire for my kids' education and that is educating the whole child and knowing their hearts. I know people who do this well while sending their kids to school, but I know myself and I don't think I could do it. I am passionate about them finding who they are and pursuing that. If that includes college, fine. If it doesn't, fine too. Our educational system in America isn't really geared that way so I struggle. I've got one who has big goals outside of school and academics, and we need to gear our lives to be able to continue his education even while pursuing other interests. Plus, there's the fact that I can't imagine not hanging out with my kids all day!!
So for now, homeschooling is a good way of life for us. We will continue to be open to different thoughts and ideas and revelations from Jesus. Until something changes we will march on in this homeschooling life. We will watch and marvel at the amazing creations our children are. We will live free and unhindered by what society and culture tell us is important. We will keep figuring out how unschooling fits into the "rules" that TN gives us. And we will continue to train our children up in the way THEY should go, their each individual way, so that when they are old they will not depart from it, and trust that they will live the fulfilled life that God in his sovereignty has planned for them.
If you know me, you know I LOVE to talk about parenting and homeschooling. And if anyone ever wants to talk, just let me know!! I'm available, and talking is one of my greatest talents. ;)
Somewhere along the way God showed me that to "train up a child in the way they should go" doesn't always mean what we think it means. It's not a promise that if we teach our children the truth they will not ever stray. But I do think it means that we need to know our children's hearts. We need to see their passions and desires, gifts and abilities, and encourage those things. We should tailor their education (whether in homeschooling or school) to training them in those passions and talents. When we know our children's hearts, we can help guide them in those areas. There are no cookie cutter kids. They are all different and should be treated as such.
Like I said, my philosophy of homeschooling has morphed over the years into so many different things. I no longer desire to have the perfect looking kids because I know their hearts are no different than anyone else's without Jesus. I no longer care if my kids are the smartest or read the earliest or make the best grades. I no longer buy into much of the philosophy upon which the religious homeschooling movement was built. For the last two years I've really considered school, mainly for the diversity that it would provide my children. But I keep going back to my main desire for my kids' education and that is educating the whole child and knowing their hearts. I know people who do this well while sending their kids to school, but I know myself and I don't think I could do it. I am passionate about them finding who they are and pursuing that. If that includes college, fine. If it doesn't, fine too. Our educational system in America isn't really geared that way so I struggle. I've got one who has big goals outside of school and academics, and we need to gear our lives to be able to continue his education even while pursuing other interests. Plus, there's the fact that I can't imagine not hanging out with my kids all day!!
So for now, homeschooling is a good way of life for us. We will continue to be open to different thoughts and ideas and revelations from Jesus. Until something changes we will march on in this homeschooling life. We will watch and marvel at the amazing creations our children are. We will live free and unhindered by what society and culture tell us is important. We will keep figuring out how unschooling fits into the "rules" that TN gives us. And we will continue to train our children up in the way THEY should go, their each individual way, so that when they are old they will not depart from it, and trust that they will live the fulfilled life that God in his sovereignty has planned for them.
If you know me, you know I LOVE to talk about parenting and homeschooling. And if anyone ever wants to talk, just let me know!! I'm available, and talking is one of my greatest talents. ;)
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