Homemade tortillas and hummus

Okay, yum! For real. I decided the other day that I needed to make more use of my dehydrator so I came up with a tortilla recipe. Yes, all by myself. (I'm a little proud because it was so good!) Here's the recipe if you're interested.

Yellow pepper quinoa tortillas:

2 cups cooked quinoa
2 yellow peppers cut into strips
1/4 cup chia seeds
Sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

I halfed the recipe and put half of it in the food processor at a time until the yellow pepper is all mixed in. Spread thinly over paraflex sheets or parchment paper and put in dehydrator at 135 degrees for 3 1/2 hours. I wanted to try with red peppers but I only had one.

One of the tortillas was a little crunchy (probably a little thin) so I broke it up into chips and ate it with salsa!!

Then I made zucchini hummus today. If you've never made it, here's the recipe I use:

Raw Zucchini Hummus Recipe

For this recipe you will need:

Vita-mix (I think it works best for this recipe)
3-4 medium zucchini’s
1/4 c olive oil
1/4 c lemon juice
1/2 c + 2 T of raw organic tahini
1.5 t salt
2 t cumin
4 cloves of garlic
Paprika to garnish

Cut up zucchini and blend them first then add everything else.

So for lunch I was so excited to try my creation!! I thickly spread the hummus over a tortilla, added tomatoes, lettuce and turkey. It was so flavorful. Better than I even expected!!!

Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season

What is Lent? This is a question that I had never really thought about before we moved to Knoxville. I mean, I knew that people gave something up, but I really thought it was only something Catholics did. Now that we are at a church that adheres pretty strongly to the church calendar, I'm learning so much.

Today is Ash Wednesday and tonight our family will attend a service with the "imposition of ashes" which means we will get ashes on our foreheads. The kids remember this from last year, and as we were discussing Lent and Ash Wednesday last night around the dinner table, they had different opinions for sure. I have one who is really excited about it (not sure that that's exactly the right response.) And I have one that said they did not like it at all and asked if they had to even do it (not sure that's the right response either!) But I'm glad they are honest. It gives us a chance to talk and through it all the love and grace of Jesus shines through. And that's what this season is all about--pointing to Jesus.

At the Ash Wednesday service, when the pastors put the ashes on your forehead (many times in the form of a cross) they will usually quote: 

“You are dust, and to dust you shall return” (Gen 3:19)

This is a reminder of our humanness, our mortality, and of course our sinfulness. That is the bad news--we are sinful, to the core. Original sin and all that, you know?? But the reason we need to be reminded of our humanity and sinfulness is to make the good news even better! The good news comes after the Lenten season is over--Jesus is Risen! Sin and death have been conquered!! Now that is good news!

Ash Wednesday starts the 40 day Lenten period. This period does not include Sundays--which still remained the "Feast Days" in the early church. The 40 days is symbolic of the time that Jesus spent in the wilderness before he began his "official" ministry. During that time, Jesus was tempted by Satan many times. He fasted and prayed, and was probably at his weakest point physically (besides being beaten and hung on a cross) in his life. And yet, even though he was fully man, he never gave into temptation.

Some celebrate these 40 days by 'giving up something.' It is a little reminder of all that Jesus gave up for us. It is a time to open up more of our life to let Jesus have more of it. Some people give up things like sugar or soft drinks or cigarettes or alcohol. And while I'm not knocking those things to give up, your life would be better anyway if you gave those up permanently. But maybe we should look a little deeper to give up something that takes our time from focusing on the work of Christ? I know that there are many things in my life that do that! And it's not food.

Last night around the dinner table we encouraged all of the kids to think of something they'd like to give up. Yes, one still said "soft drinks." Okay, fine. Shepley remembered that last year she gave up "art." She made the statement that she forgot a couple of times and did it. She said, "It was just so hard!" What a great point! That's exactly it!! We CAN'T do it. We can't keep our Lenten promises fully. Even if stay away completely from what we said we weren't going to do, we must question our motives. Does keeping it perfectly bring up feelings of pride in us? Are we working in our own strength to keep them? Are we making what we 'give up' the focus? The bad motives go on and on. And that is the point!! We can't keep the law. We never could.

That's why God sent his Son.

And that's what Lent is about--a reminder that we can't keep the law. The law can't and never could save us. All the law can do is remind us of our sinfulness and utter hopelessness....

And point us to Jesus!

We culminate the Lenten season in Holy week which starts on Palm Sunday. We celebrate King Jesus. We see his triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and then we see our King lay down his life willingly so that we don't have to live under law anymore. We are FREE! What a joyous celebration we should have!

So this year, give Lent some thought. Talk about it with your family. Get some discussion going. We are going to start reading the Jesus Storybook Bible tonight. Even though it's geared for young children, it's a wonderful picture of how the entire Bible is redemptively pointing to Jesus. And it's great for any age! Because we all must be as little children, remember?

We also use our church band's album when we worship during Lent and Easter. You can buy it at itunes, and I can promise you won't be disappointed. My kids love listening to this, and it's truly the best album for this season that I've ever heard. I can't figure out how to link the album from itunes here because itunes doesn't have a web address. But the album is called "Rise O Buried Lord" by Redeemer Knoxville. Check it out today!!

Broiled Sole with buttery sauce

I should've taken a picture of the fish! I'm so bad about that!! But I didn't. So I'll just have to tell you what I did with it! :) I bought frozen sole (wild caught) from Trader Joe's. It was quite inexpensive, and I'm trusting that it was wild caught like it claimed!! Next time I'll buy two packs. It was just enough for our family with one, but I'm sure my husband and oldest would've eaten plenty more if given the chance! Plus, Cedar didn't eat tonight because he was sick.

So here's what I did. It was simple and fast and turned out really yummy!

1 pkg. frozen wild caught or fresh wild caught sole (or other mild white fish)--a little over a pound.
4 Tbsp. butter
1/2 cup white wine
juice of one lemon
thyme to taste
Melt butter and whisk last four ingredients together for sauce.

Line pan with raised sides with aluminum foil. Place fish (fresh or defrosted) over foil. Pour buttery sauce over fish. Place in broiler for 10-12 minutes or until fish is flaky.

Perfectly light, yummy and healthy!

Helpful Kids

Okay. I don't think I'm one of those moms who brags on her kids a lot--probably because they don't give me tons of opportunities!! Ha ha!! Not saying they aren't great kids, but they are KIDS and I tend to be one to not wear rose colored glasses when it comes to them. They are sinners saved by grace in need of their Savior everyday--just like the rest of us.

But today was a tough day. UGH! Cama-Jane started throwing up on Monday. This is the second time in three weeks. Oh yes. That's right. And it hit harder this time. Last time was less than five times of vomiting (yes, I know that may be TMI, but it's my blog) and then it was done. One day and over. Cedar had it first, then Cama-Jane, then Shepley and we were done. Five days. Over.

So when Cama-Jane started again on Monday, I was none too happy about it, but I thought, *We can do this.* But it wasn't quite as easy this time. She vomited several times more and then had a fever the whole next day. Not nearly as easy. But by Thursday morning when no one else had gotten it, I thought we were in the clear. So we set off to the kids co-op, where I volunteered in the nursery. Yes, that's right. Cedar too. I'm sure there are some who are reading this that are cringing!!! But I really thought we were okay!!!

As soon as we walked in the door Thursday afternoon, he puked. Yep, everywhere! I was exhausted already from weeks (and even months) of not sleeping well because of my girls. (It all seemed to catch up to me when CJ got sick because she was up even more.) And I knew that my night was going to be bad. And it was!! Poor Cedar threw up over 20 times through the evening and night and even a couple of times today. He's been so pitiful today. He's had a fever and slept on the couch all afternoon--most of the time on top of me. He hasn't wanted to let go. So my kids stepped up to the plate!!

Liza-Hill was amazing! She cleaned the whole kitchen and even scrubbed the sink. She served the little ones snacks all day and seemed to enjoy her domestic role. ;) Cama-Jane swept the hard wood floors and Breck helped her with the dust pan. Breck also cleaned up the living room, putting away everything that needed to be. Shepley cleaned up the school room after she finished some other things for me. (You may notice that Trand is sadly missing from the equation. He was sleeping.)

Then later in the day I had to go pick up something about 15 minutes away. I had gone into the store and come out when I got a text from Liza-Hill saying that that Cedar had thrown up again while I was gone!! PANIC!!! He doesn't do well when I'm not around. But she cleaned him up, put his blanket in the washer and got him back to sleep on the couch!! What a girl!

Makes a mom's heart happy to know that her kids are able to step in and help when it's needed!! We even managed to miraculously get some schoolwork done as well!! :) Just hoping that it somehow skips the rest of the family.....

This kind of a morning

It's 21 degrees outside with a high of 30 today. We're pretty much all in agreement of staying inside! I don't know how people get up and go to school on mornings like this!!!

Mommy Guilt--let's give it up!

I guess my last post struck a chord with lots of moms. I've had so many moms private message me to let me know their struggles and how my "confessions" encouraged them in their daily walks as mothers.

This has just solidified what we all know already. Moms are filled with GUILT! It's really so sad. I think this guilt has been even more built up in the last few years with the invention of the "Mom blogs" telling us how they (so it would seem) have it all together. It certainly leaves the rest of us feeling less than adequate in our mothering. Facebook certainly doesn't help either. Most people only post about the great things they've done as mothers--the fun crafts, the clean rooms, the inspirational happenings at home. Not too often do we want to post that we just totally yelled at our kid and made them cry. Um, no thank you. I'll just chalk that one up to the ones I keep to myself! (I'm just as guilty of this myself sometimes so I'm not pointing fingers!)

But "Mommy guilt" has been around since the beginning of time. It didn't take the internet to make it happen. I would be willing to be that when Cain killed Able, Eve blamed herself. I can just imagine that her conversation with herself went something like this:

"Oh if I had only taught Cain to love his brother better, this wouldn't have happened. If I had shared more of my story with him--helped him really understand what pride and self love can do, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I gave Able more attention? Maybe I expected too much of Cain since he was the oldest? Maybe if I had spent less time helping Adam with the weeds (which were of course my fault as well).....Oh what could I have done differently to change this outcome?" 

Now we know how silly that is. The Bible clearly holds Cain responsible for his actions, but isn't this what we do all the time?  Every wrong decision our child makes, every sinful action, every act of defiance toward God we take on ourselves.

Yes, we've been instructed to teach our children to "love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and strength."  We have been instructed to "Impress [these things] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deut. 6:5,7-9) So, yeah, we've got stuff to do, right? We do play an active role in teaching our children about loving the Lord. If we don't, there aren't too many who will. And if they don't see it lived out at home, it won't make much difference who teaches it to them.

This is where the guilt comes in. We know we fail miserably at doing this!! Oh, when that first little bundle of joy comes along, some of us (maybe not all) were totally thinking we were going to get this right! We knew the way we were supposed to "train up a child" and we were committed to doing it. It probably didn't take most of us long to see that we didn't have any idea what we were doing! The parenting books didn't talk at all about what our child was doing, and our child was not responding the way the parenting books said they should! Teaching them to love the Lord? Oh man, we just wanted to teach them not hit their friends, throw a tantrum, spit at their teacher....whatever it was. We quickly saw that our children had hearts full of sin--just like us. 

You know, I really HATE the saying, "God never gives you more than you can handle." I think this is so untrue! God always gives us more than we can handle. If we only had what we could handle, why would we ever turn to him? He gives us exactly what it's going to take for us to realize that we can't handle life and run into his open, loving arms. Parenting does this for most of us--more often than not. Being responsible for a life (or two or three....) is hard stuff. Teaching them Bible truths, when sometimes our lives look far from what we are supposed to be modeling, is even harder stuff! We've got experts all over the place telling us a hundred different things to do. We do what we think is right for our child, and we still seem to fail. Yeah, it sucks sometimes! We can't handle it so we run to the only place of real refuge--Jesus' arms. And he says, "Yes, my child. You messed up. But my grace is sufficient for you. I will cover your mess ups. I love your children more than you could ever know how to love. I know their future and their deepest needs. I know them (and you) inside and out, and I am the only perfect parent. Let me take this burden from you. It's too heavy for you to handle." And so we rest. We rest until we decide to take up the reins once again because we think we can do it in our own strength, and the battle starts again.

If we would only learn. If we would only truly believe that "his power is made perfect in our weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9) If we would really boast in our weakness so that Christ's power could show through us, how much more encouraging could we be to others? When we see other moms who are struggling, we identify. When we see other moms who seem to have it all together, we shy away. We step back because we could never do it like her!

Jesus was gracious enough with me to show me with my first child that I did not know anything about this parenting stuff! Oh, that child has humbled me over and over and still continues to! He has been the single greatest source of sanctification in my life over the years. I'm so thankful that God didn't give me too long to wallow in self pride over having the perfect child! That was never allowed in my house! :) 

As for the guilt--we've got to drop it. We all know we're doing what we can with the knowledge we have and the children God gave us. We're all in different places on different journeys, but we share at least one common thing--motherhood. It's the greatest earthly calling each of us could have. But Jesus says give it to him! He has done it. It is finished. Our parenting failures are covered by his grace. Our screw ups and mess ups and ugliness are all covered. Jesus didn't die for us to continue wallowing in our sin and misery. Sister, give it up! Give it up to him! No guilt!! NO GUILT!! (I'm preaching to myself here as well, just so you know!)

I love moms! I do. I love young moms, old moms, moms to be, spiritual moms, and anyone else who falls into the category. My heart goes out for moms who carry the burden that they have to do it all. If this is you, please know that you don't! No one is expecting you to. And if they are, stay far away from that person. Claim your righteousness through Christ alone! You stand before the throne washed and clean and the perfect parent because God only sees Jesus when he looks at you if you've put your trust in him. 

So let's forge ahead. Let's start encouraging one another through our struggles. Let's start admitting when we are weak! Find a mom today and tell her how awesome she is just because she got up and loved her children this morning! And start loving yourself a little better because of the same reason! :)

Convictions

So if you read my post earlier this week, you know that I'm going through some "stuff" right now. It's not even something that I really know how to put into words. But after reading in King's Cross by Tim Keller this week that Jesus is both the "rest" and the "storm" juxtaposed, it made perfect sense in my life. He is definitely bringing the storm and starting to show me some of the reasons for that, but he also my perfect rest--the only place I will get rest.

After much prayer, talking with friends and soul searching, I felt the Holy Spirit yesterday really leading me to some places. The first place was my own selfishness. Surprise, surprise! I have been convicted over the last couple of weeks that I'm not nearly as self sacrificing with my youngest children as I was with my older ones at this age. Just because I've been doing this for 16 years is no excuse for giving up now! My little ones certainly can't help it that they were born in this birth order. I'm usually pretty patient with Cedar. It's my little girls that I get frustrated with.

And so it was on Sunday. I'm just going to be brutally honest here and hope that it helps someone!! I'm sick of reading blogs and feeling guilty about not being the moms and wives that they are. So I'm really hoping that someone will take read mine and go, "Hey, I'm not nearly as bad as her!" :)  So Sunday.....

You see in church, my 5 and 8 year old little girls always have to sit on either side of me before they leave for Children's Church. I used to NEVER send my kids to Children's Church past age 5, but Shepley changed all of that for me. I'm not nearly as self righteous as I used to be about that! ;) But my girls are not content just to sit beside me. Cama-Jane especially needs my attention constantly. She's loud and disruptive and, if truth be told, embarrasses me totally during church. (I know, I know. I'm wrong. Told you that you would feel good about yourself!) So Sunday we were singing some songs that I REALLY love and really needed to sing and worship. Cama-Jane just wouldn't leave me alone. So there I was, feeling all frustrated because I couldn't worship--yet again--the way I wanted. For years it's been this way. So Sunday I couldn't sing at all because my heart was so NOT in the right place. So I left. I left for many reasons but the main one being self-pity for sure.

I'm telling you, it's not pretty, people. Looking at my yucky, sinful, selfish heart. It's not pretty. Here I was blaming my hurt on my 5 year old. So all of y'all who think I'm a good mom, you'll have to go find another supermom to look at! Because you just lost this one! :)

For a few days I pondered this. I pondered my feelings of loneliness (that I do think are valid, but still lie in self pity) and I prayed. So yesterday the Holy Spirit showed me, oh so lovingly, that maybe my child was acting out of a need for time with me. That's hard to admit. Because that's what I do. I am with my kids all the time. But looking down deep, do I resent that? Do I resent that she is sometimes hard to take because she demands so much of me?

She is scared ALL THE TIME. She has always had this heart of fearfulness. I used to be very moved by this. I prayed for her all the time. I prayed with her. But as time has gone on, it has worn on me. She needs me to go to the bathroom with her every.single.time. She's 5 1/2 years old. I have six children. That is is tough thing. She's scared to go by herself. Is she manipulating me? I don't know. I really haven't known what to do. I do know that she has wet her pants (and the couch) before because I wasn't around to go with her. So there's got to be something there. She can't go up the stairs by herself either. I have to go with her if no one is up there. So lately, I think I've been resentful of how much time I spend doing things with her that seem ridiculous.

I have told Jon that if someone could be "loved to death" I would be dead--from Cama-Jane's love. She just can't get enough of me. She wants ME to put her to bed, read her books, etc. etc. every night. She never wants Jon to do it. She wants me every second of every day. So Sunday, I guess I just snapped.

But as I said, the Holy Spirit started working on my heart yesterday. He moved me toward her in a way I hadn't felt in awhile. After lunch, I went and sat with her on the couch where she was watching TV and I wrapped her up in my arms. She of course, joyfully succumbed to me and was in heaven just sitting with me. After her show was over, we turned off the TV, read books, sang songs and laughed together. I read her books before bed last night with a better attitude than I have in a long time. Today when I did her school work with her, I was much more intentional. I made time for more reading (which she is loving) and added a new book with her--just for her.

I've also felt very convicted of using a harsh tone with her. She seems to have a snapping tone towards everyone else. Hmmm, wonder where she gets that? So that's changing with me as well.

Jesus has turned my heart back towards my sweet Cama-Jane. Oh how I love that child! She has the sweetest heart. She's so quick to forgive. She loves her little brother so much. She encourages him in all that he does. She's an eager learner and wants to please.

So I don't know what God will dig out of me next. I'm sure it won't be pretty either!! But I'm so thankful that he can restore relationships and bind hearts together once more. I'm looking forward to better relationships with all my children in days to come. Hopefully they will see God getting the selfishness of this mama out of the way to clear the path of true and right relationships with them!!