We're going to see the movie tonight!! I'm so excited!! I can't remember where I even heard about the books first, but I guess I heard about them a couple of months ago. I didn't know much, but I could kind of guess what they were about so in the beginning I was hesitant. I started reading them about a week and a half ago. I finished the third book Wednesday night/Thursday morning at 2:30am. I was glad to finish so that now I can actually do something besides sit, engrossed in my iphone (reading it off of Kindle) for those few precious moments of absorbing all I could of the books. Oh my goodness they were so good. I really don't know that I've ever read anything that I was so taken in by.
When I first started reading The Hunger Games, I was a little disconcerted. I liked the book and felt like it was very well written, but something about it made me question whether I should like it or not!! I mean, the fact that children are killing children in these games is not usually the Christian topic of choice! I texted my friend Shelby, knowing she had probably read them. She said she had and that she liked them. We discussed a little but not too much. I kept hearing from all these Christians how they just loved the book. So I kept going.
I'm not going to give any sort of book commentary here. I'm not that smart!! But I did get to the point by about the middle of the second book where I realized why it was okay to like these books and why I liked them so much!! They are speaking directly to us--to our nation--about what the future might hold for those who will inherit our war hungry, blood thirsty culture along with our big government who has too much power over it's citizens. This book is written basically for teenagers--for those kids who don't really remember a time when America wasn't at war. They've grown up on violent video games for their entertainment and with the assumption that we just blindly follow what the government tells us to do.
Those of us who do question our leadership and the power they have over us find a hero in Katniss Everdeen. She thinks what we think. She says what we want to say. And she does what we wish we could do. She looks at the powers that be, and sees that they are not to be questioned. She questions anyway. Somewhere down in her 16 year old self she knows that this system is bigger and much more powerful than she is, but she doesn't care. She is willing to sacrifice it all to give others a hope for change. And she's not perfect at it. This makes us like her all the more!! She's us!! She's sometimes selfish. She sometimes has the wrong motive. She is sometimes driven by hate and revenge. She is always questioning whether she can do it, why she's doing it and if it's worth it. But when faced with adversity, when faced with the power of the capital, when faced with insurmountable odds, she doesn't give in. She finds the courage to keep going through physical and emotional pain and torment. She is propelled forward by her love for her family and very few close friends. And she is driven by an underlying desire to see her world changed--for the betterment of all society. She is our hero!
But if the world was only made of Katnisses, we would be in big trouble!! She acts first, thinks later. She has no ability to compromise or sometimes see a bigger picture. This is why we love her, but it's also why we need Peeta!! He is that peacemaker that we are looking for. He sees the goodness down deep. He sees through the imperfections of our heroine and loves her with a love from the depths of his soul--a love that draws us to him and captures our entire being. Only he can calm her. Only he can make her see things. Sometimes even he can't do it, but we love him for trying! He shows us that through all of the warring, all of the chaos, all of the power, all of the evil, there is a way to triumph. He is willing to sacrifice it all for Katniss. She is his ultimate goal. He sees that she is the fighter. She is the answer to bring down the government, and he will do whatever it takes to get her to that spot. And that makes him our hero as well.
These are not Christian books. They never claim to be, but we see the gospel in so many places. I think the reason we see it is because through common grace, God has shown us all what true peace should be. He gives us all a glimpse of what true goodness is. We see self sacrifice and the desire for freedom. It keeps us all riveted up to the final pages.
I read the movie review on pluggedinonline.com. It's from Focus on the Family. It said that the movie follows the book almost page by page so I'm thrilled to go see it tonight!! I have a feeling that when it's over, just like the books, I'm going to be completely spent and left waiting for the sequel with great anticipation!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The Perfect Mom
.....She lives across the street now. Yes, she does. I've had these moms in my life before but never in my face everyday! She would not be writing on her blog right now. No, her kids are home on spring break so she's spending every second with them. This is what she does. She one of those moms who is ALWAYS playing with her children. As soon as they get home from school, she's out playing soccer, baseball, playing legos inside, having them help in her garden....and the worst part is--she's got my kids over there wanting to do it too. They love her! She's perfect.
She never seems to think her kids are annoying. She seriously wants to spend every moment with them. She was telling me the other day that they are going to Disney in July and she has a scavenger hunt all planned out as a fun, creative way to tell them. As if going to Disney wasn't enough! She loves (at least that what she tells me) having my kids over--ALL THE TIME! And says, "Don't worry. I'll keep them out of your hair." REALLY? So you want to be with your kids all the time, but you think I'm such a bad mom that I don't? I really don't at all want you to feel like you need to keep my kids out of my hair! I chose this!!
And like I said, her children are constantly helping her plants flowers, weed her garden, etc. And my kids are right over there doing it with them. I've seen Liza-Hill over there plenty of times sitting right beside her, planting away, chatting it up. And that mom is perfectly happy with the company of a ten year old (who, honestly, sometimes can drive me a little batty with her incessant chatter!!)
It came to a head in my mind on Saturday. Jon and I were at Lowe's getting a new outdoor push broom. We left most of the kids home with Trand. When we drove up, all of them were helping across the street in the yard. I was going to do some planting as well so I went in to change my clothes. When I came out, she had all the kids in the back making water balloons and having the best time. I walked over to see if anyone wanted to help me with the flowers in our yard--no takers. I planted and cried. I did tell them that when it came time to weed the vegetable garden in the back (getting it ready for planting in a couple of weeks) that they all needed to come. They did--grudgingly. One of the boys across the street came too. His mom made him since my kids helped weed her garden so well.
I keep thinking, how does she have all this time to do these things? I mean, when my kids are playing outside, I need to be doing things inside--cleaning the house, laundry, preparing meals, planning lessons. The list is never ending and never seems to get accomplished! I've never been in her house. Maybe it's a wreck. Or maybe she's just as perfect at getting her kids to help with that in the few spare moments that they are inside. And you would think, "Oh, she can do those things when her kids are at school." That's what I used to think too. Then I found out that she works at her youngest son's preschool while he's there. So she's not home alone working on the house.
I tell myself other things to make myself feel better. She's only got two kids....she doesn't have a baby....she doesn't have to worry about their education....I'm with mine 24/7 so it's okay that I need a break when they go outside to play....None of these really makes me feel better though when I see them with her--the fun, perfect mom always ready to *keep my kids out of my hair.*
So yes, having a bit of a pity party today I guess. And trying to figure out what fun thing I can do that can still help me have the house in at least the same amount of disarray it was in before Jon left for work this morning--and not worse!
She never seems to think her kids are annoying. She seriously wants to spend every moment with them. She was telling me the other day that they are going to Disney in July and she has a scavenger hunt all planned out as a fun, creative way to tell them. As if going to Disney wasn't enough! She loves (at least that what she tells me) having my kids over--ALL THE TIME! And says, "Don't worry. I'll keep them out of your hair." REALLY? So you want to be with your kids all the time, but you think I'm such a bad mom that I don't? I really don't at all want you to feel like you need to keep my kids out of my hair! I chose this!!
And like I said, her children are constantly helping her plants flowers, weed her garden, etc. And my kids are right over there doing it with them. I've seen Liza-Hill over there plenty of times sitting right beside her, planting away, chatting it up. And that mom is perfectly happy with the company of a ten year old (who, honestly, sometimes can drive me a little batty with her incessant chatter!!)
It came to a head in my mind on Saturday. Jon and I were at Lowe's getting a new outdoor push broom. We left most of the kids home with Trand. When we drove up, all of them were helping across the street in the yard. I was going to do some planting as well so I went in to change my clothes. When I came out, she had all the kids in the back making water balloons and having the best time. I walked over to see if anyone wanted to help me with the flowers in our yard--no takers. I planted and cried. I did tell them that when it came time to weed the vegetable garden in the back (getting it ready for planting in a couple of weeks) that they all needed to come. They did--grudgingly. One of the boys across the street came too. His mom made him since my kids helped weed her garden so well.
I keep thinking, how does she have all this time to do these things? I mean, when my kids are playing outside, I need to be doing things inside--cleaning the house, laundry, preparing meals, planning lessons. The list is never ending and never seems to get accomplished! I've never been in her house. Maybe it's a wreck. Or maybe she's just as perfect at getting her kids to help with that in the few spare moments that they are inside. And you would think, "Oh, she can do those things when her kids are at school." That's what I used to think too. Then I found out that she works at her youngest son's preschool while he's there. So she's not home alone working on the house.
I tell myself other things to make myself feel better. She's only got two kids....she doesn't have a baby....she doesn't have to worry about their education....I'm with mine 24/7 so it's okay that I need a break when they go outside to play....None of these really makes me feel better though when I see them with her--the fun, perfect mom always ready to *keep my kids out of my hair.*
So yes, having a bit of a pity party today I guess. And trying to figure out what fun thing I can do that can still help me have the house in at least the same amount of disarray it was in before Jon left for work this morning--and not worse!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Thankful for messy rooms
As I walked down the hallway and glanced in my youngest daughters' room, I noticed that it was littered with toys--AGAIN! This room that had already been messy and cleaned up once today (and by my inspection it was a very good job) was now once again messy and it's not even noon!! Frustration began to rise. I'm going out of town this afternoon. I'm leaving for three days, and my mother in law is coming in tonight to help Jon out with the kids. Even though I know she doesn't expect it to be perfect (or even close to it!) I want it to be. In my pride I want it to be.
Admit it. You feel the same way. Why is it that we clean up when other people are coming over?? Why do we feel the need to have rooms cleaned, dishes put away, floor vacuumed, swept and mopped, all the dust cleared (well, that part hardly ever happens at my house)? I know I feel much better when I go to someone's house and it looks like mine--or worse!! Right? It lets me know that I'm not the only one who struggles with keeping a clean house. It lets me know that it's okay sometimes to have other priorities. But still we feel that we have to house clean houses when others come. Why? Is it because we want to look like we live differently than what we really do? We don't want the real us to show through?
But that's not really what this post was about. As I let my frustration simmer and listened to the conversation that was taking place, I began to realize that I'm thankful for those messy rooms--those rooms that hold so much imagination. I love listening to my girls play. I love that they can get lost for hours in a different world of their own make believe. I love that while they are doing this, they are building the strongest of relationships with one another. They never fight when they are together in their rooms playing, imagining, making their world a better place.
And so I'm thankful for messy rooms today. Yes, I'll have them clean it up again before Omi comes. I'll do everything I can to have the rest of the house ready as well. And we probably won't get much schoolwork done today because of it!! But I'll try to remember what's really important and what will matter years down the road.
I think they'll always remember those play times. They'll remember that they always had their best friends there as playmates whenever they wanted them. I never had a sister, and my brother never had a brother. I certainly don't fault my parents for this. It's just the way it was. I loved my brother. We had fun together and still do. But I'm so glad my girls have sisters and my boys have brothers!! They each bring such an important and vastly different perspective to our family life. I know God doesn't always give boys brothers or girls sisters--even in families that have more than two kids. But I'm so thankful he chose to in ours.
And even though our rooms are messy and our yard is messy as well (much to Jon's dismay everyday when he drives in from work) I know it's building relationships. It's building memories that will never be forgotten......
.......and I'm sure the neighbors will never forget either!!
Admit it. You feel the same way. Why is it that we clean up when other people are coming over?? Why do we feel the need to have rooms cleaned, dishes put away, floor vacuumed, swept and mopped, all the dust cleared (well, that part hardly ever happens at my house)? I know I feel much better when I go to someone's house and it looks like mine--or worse!! Right? It lets me know that I'm not the only one who struggles with keeping a clean house. It lets me know that it's okay sometimes to have other priorities. But still we feel that we have to house clean houses when others come. Why? Is it because we want to look like we live differently than what we really do? We don't want the real us to show through?
But that's not really what this post was about. As I let my frustration simmer and listened to the conversation that was taking place, I began to realize that I'm thankful for those messy rooms--those rooms that hold so much imagination. I love listening to my girls play. I love that they can get lost for hours in a different world of their own make believe. I love that while they are doing this, they are building the strongest of relationships with one another. They never fight when they are together in their rooms playing, imagining, making their world a better place.
And so I'm thankful for messy rooms today. Yes, I'll have them clean it up again before Omi comes. I'll do everything I can to have the rest of the house ready as well. And we probably won't get much schoolwork done today because of it!! But I'll try to remember what's really important and what will matter years down the road.
I think they'll always remember those play times. They'll remember that they always had their best friends there as playmates whenever they wanted them. I never had a sister, and my brother never had a brother. I certainly don't fault my parents for this. It's just the way it was. I loved my brother. We had fun together and still do. But I'm so glad my girls have sisters and my boys have brothers!! They each bring such an important and vastly different perspective to our family life. I know God doesn't always give boys brothers or girls sisters--even in families that have more than two kids. But I'm so thankful he chose to in ours.
And even though our rooms are messy and our yard is messy as well (much to Jon's dismay everyday when he drives in from work) I know it's building relationships. It's building memories that will never be forgotten......
.......and I'm sure the neighbors will never forget either!!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Digging for Grace
I don't know who's reading.....I don't have a big audience like some blogs do, and since I'm not on facebook right now, I'm not posting these. But I'll write for myself because I need to. I'll do it this morning amongst the chaos of kids running and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse singing to me. I'll do it even though I really should be getting school stuff together or at least taking a shower!!
But I feel like I need to write this morning because I need to share my heart. Compared to about 99% of the world, most of my life has been easy. If I've taken the time to look, I've been able to see God's grace stamped all over it. He was gracious to give me a wonderful husband, provider for our family, hard worker, loving father. He was gracious to give me six precious blessings from heaven. He was gracious to give me wonderful parents and then to plan for me to marry into a wonderful family as well. All these things are things that are very easily taken for granted and forgotten that they are all because of God's grace--it didn't have to be so.
These things haven't changed. I'm still benefitting from the graciousness of God through all these things. But I'm beginning to understand that God's grace doesn't always come in the nice, beautiful things that we see in our lives. I'm digging for grace these days. God's grace isn't always easy to see or recognize.
You know that wonderful husband that God was so gracious to give me....well, he has some faults to. :) I won't go into in detail here because of my respect and honor for him. But sometimes it's hard to see how those faults are "gracious" for me. But they are. There's another little thing that God does throughout our lives that shows his grace. It's a little word called sanctification. He is gracious enough to use those around us that we love (and sometimes those that we don't even know) to do this.
He is gracious when I get to the DMV to take my son to get his learner's license on his 15th birthday only to be told that I had to have a "school enrollment" form. (The kids are still enrolled in FL right now.) After my initial *government stay out of my business* rant, I realized that here I was right in the middle of God's grace as well. With my laid back attitude, I might have missed out on getting him into the umbrella school that we wanted.
He is gracious when I have to be creative to figure out how to make the grocery budget stretch enough to make it through the week. I haven't figured out all the grace in that one yet. :) But I know it's there. I really can figure out how, somewhere in my mind, I just don't want to have to think about it because it seems to be too much work. Once again....lots of sanctification!
So grace is overflowing. It's overflowing when I don't have the money for a cleaning lady (which, in my opinion, I really could use) because it gives me a chance to serve my family and teach my children how to care for our home and be in service as well. It's overflowing when I can't go to church and worship (and fellowship) for the 3rd or 4th week in a row because I get to sit at home with one or two children and focus on them--being together in some quality time alone for a couple of hours. It's overflowing when I'm woken up over and over in the night because I get to practice my own grace giving (and obviously I still need practice on that one because this continues to happen every night!)
I'm digging for grace in the everyday--in the mundane and sometimes the "pain in the butt" stuff that happens.
But I feel like I need to write this morning because I need to share my heart. Compared to about 99% of the world, most of my life has been easy. If I've taken the time to look, I've been able to see God's grace stamped all over it. He was gracious to give me a wonderful husband, provider for our family, hard worker, loving father. He was gracious to give me six precious blessings from heaven. He was gracious to give me wonderful parents and then to plan for me to marry into a wonderful family as well. All these things are things that are very easily taken for granted and forgotten that they are all because of God's grace--it didn't have to be so.
These things haven't changed. I'm still benefitting from the graciousness of God through all these things. But I'm beginning to understand that God's grace doesn't always come in the nice, beautiful things that we see in our lives. I'm digging for grace these days. God's grace isn't always easy to see or recognize.
You know that wonderful husband that God was so gracious to give me....well, he has some faults to. :) I won't go into in detail here because of my respect and honor for him. But sometimes it's hard to see how those faults are "gracious" for me. But they are. There's another little thing that God does throughout our lives that shows his grace. It's a little word called sanctification. He is gracious enough to use those around us that we love (and sometimes those that we don't even know) to do this.
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." ~Phil 1:6Right now he's using a lot of things in my life to show me his grace and "bring me to completion." I'm digging for those things, believe me. I'm claiming his grace in the middle of the night when my precious little 4 and 7 year old blessings have woken me up for the 3rd, 4th, 5th time--in my bed, out of my bed, back in my bed, crying and waking the baby.....yes, sometimes it's hard to find the grace in these situations--so I'm digging!
He is gracious when I get to the DMV to take my son to get his learner's license on his 15th birthday only to be told that I had to have a "school enrollment" form. (The kids are still enrolled in FL right now.) After my initial *government stay out of my business* rant, I realized that here I was right in the middle of God's grace as well. With my laid back attitude, I might have missed out on getting him into the umbrella school that we wanted.
He is gracious when I have to be creative to figure out how to make the grocery budget stretch enough to make it through the week. I haven't figured out all the grace in that one yet. :) But I know it's there. I really can figure out how, somewhere in my mind, I just don't want to have to think about it because it seems to be too much work. Once again....lots of sanctification!
So grace is overflowing. It's overflowing when I don't have the money for a cleaning lady (which, in my opinion, I really could use) because it gives me a chance to serve my family and teach my children how to care for our home and be in service as well. It's overflowing when I can't go to church and worship (and fellowship) for the 3rd or 4th week in a row because I get to sit at home with one or two children and focus on them--being together in some quality time alone for a couple of hours. It's overflowing when I'm woken up over and over in the night because I get to practice my own grace giving (and obviously I still need practice on that one because this continues to happen every night!)
I'm digging for grace in the everyday--in the mundane and sometimes the "pain in the butt" stuff that happens.
Lord, help me to see you and your grace in everything. Thank you for working in the everyday stuff to sanctify me and show yourself to me.
Monday, February 27, 2012
40 days of Lent
Our family has never observed lent. This is a new one for us. To tell you the truth, my husband and I both thought it was more of a "Catholic" thing. Neither of us grew up in churches that said much about it. But the church we are in now follows the church calendar pretty closely. We went to our first Ash Wednesday service last week, and our whole family got ashes on our forehead. That made more of an impression on some than others. It actually made a huge impression on my 4 and 7 year olds. They've talked about it alot and it's brought on great discussion.
So since we're observing lent this year, I figured I should give something up. Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Sacrifice? Well, God had been working on my heart to give up Facebook for awhile. I couldn't really see giving up food. For me, that wouldn't have worked as the sacrifice that I needed to make--unless I gave up ALL food for 40 days he did. Yeah, I'm not ready for that yet!!
My kids have chosen to give up certain things as well. I'm most impressed with Shepley's sacrifice. After thinking for a couple of days, she decided to give up "art" (which translates into any coloring, drawing, painting, etc.) This is a huge part of her life, and when she first told me I almost said, "No, I don't think you need to do that." But the Holy Spirit help my tongue. I really think the Spirit was moving in her to lead her to this. She has struggled. She has been vocal with me about her desire to do it, but she wants to keep her promise to God. A couple of days ago, she came to me and said, "Mommy, I forgot! I forgot about lent and I colored something." She was heartbroken that she had broken her promise to God. Wow!! It gave me an opportunity to talk with her and tell her that that is what lent is all about. It's to show us that we CAN'T keep our promises to God!! We're incapable of just having a strong enough will to do it. It's about the fact that Jesus DID do it all. He kept his promises perfectly so that God sees us as perfect through him. I told her that the fact that she was so heartbroken and upset about breaking her promise was exactly what God wanted to see!! He wants a broken and contrite heart! What an example she was to me. I pray that her heart always stays that soft and desirous to live for him!
So for me, Facebook has been tough. I've been tempted to get on to see a picture or something. I also considered getting on long enough to just post this post on my blog. But I decided to do that after lent is over. I think it's been mostly tough because of being so far away from so many people that I love. It's my lifeline sometimes. I sat in church yesterday and cried and cried. Jon wasn't with me because Cedar had been sick, and he was home with him. I hadn't been able to go in a month so Jon let me go instead!! I sat in church and cried because I felt displaced. I felt like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in Naples anymore, but I don't yet feel like I belong here either. I think our church is doing great things here, but I'm not really sure that I belong there. I've never felt more lonely than I did yesterday sitting in church. Oh, it's not the church's fault. I'm not saying that. My 8 year old was totally acting up--really unlike him when he's with me. That brought on some of it. Just feeling the stares and judgements of the people behind me. If you have kids, you know how it is!! But at this church they don't just "shake hands" and say "Hello" at a certain point in the service. They celebrate community together. They laugh and talk and visit for a good five minutes or so. I've looked at that and loved that they do it. But it's hard when you don't feel a part of it. Part of me feels like I just haven't had the time to put into it what I need it.
But all of that to say that I started wondering if yesterday it hit me so hard because I haven't been on Facebook in five days. I haven't had my lifeline. Maybe that is what lent is all about. God wants us to give up our earthly lifelines and cling only to him. He showed me this clearly yesterday as tears were streaming down my face as we went up to take communion. He ministered to my soul--but I can't say I left there feeling whole. No, I think he probably has a lot more work to do. I'm not sure that I'm ready for it--but I'm willing. I can say with all my heart that I WANT him to be my only lifeline. Getting there is a whole other story.
I wish I could say that I came home and was able to spend all afternoon soaking in his word and he taught me all I needed!! :) No, I came home and cooked lunch, cleaned up lunch, put a baby to bed, tried to unpack more in my room, got a baby up after 30 minutes because the 4 year old had screamed in the house and woken him up, took three little ones to the park, made supper, read books, played a little here and there, and then.....another night was upon me where I wanted to just fall into bed but was reminded by my 8 and 9 year old that I needed to read more of our current read aloud before they went to bed.
So I'm praying (once again) for more diligence--to be wise with my time--to have the strength to rise up earlier than the baby at 6:30 (after being up once at night nursing him and up with the 4 and 7 year old figuring out their sleeping arrangements in their bed, in our bed, on our floor, back in our bed)...... Don't judge me here, please. I need more time to hang on to Jesus as my lifeline--up close and personal.
And back to that 8 year old acting up in church yesterday....I have no doubt it was his emotions about being here that were coming through. I talked with him about it yesterday afternoon, and he just broke down. He had just said to me that morning, "I don't like this new church" and "I hate Tennessee" and "I just want to go back to Naples." So I knew things were going to surface. And they did. Just at a very inopportune time! (Don't they always.)
But more about that little guy in another post. I need to get back to taking care of things around here.
So since we're observing lent this year, I figured I should give something up. Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Sacrifice? Well, God had been working on my heart to give up Facebook for awhile. I couldn't really see giving up food. For me, that wouldn't have worked as the sacrifice that I needed to make--unless I gave up ALL food for 40 days he did. Yeah, I'm not ready for that yet!!
My kids have chosen to give up certain things as well. I'm most impressed with Shepley's sacrifice. After thinking for a couple of days, she decided to give up "art" (which translates into any coloring, drawing, painting, etc.) This is a huge part of her life, and when she first told me I almost said, "No, I don't think you need to do that." But the Holy Spirit help my tongue. I really think the Spirit was moving in her to lead her to this. She has struggled. She has been vocal with me about her desire to do it, but she wants to keep her promise to God. A couple of days ago, she came to me and said, "Mommy, I forgot! I forgot about lent and I colored something." She was heartbroken that she had broken her promise to God. Wow!! It gave me an opportunity to talk with her and tell her that that is what lent is all about. It's to show us that we CAN'T keep our promises to God!! We're incapable of just having a strong enough will to do it. It's about the fact that Jesus DID do it all. He kept his promises perfectly so that God sees us as perfect through him. I told her that the fact that she was so heartbroken and upset about breaking her promise was exactly what God wanted to see!! He wants a broken and contrite heart! What an example she was to me. I pray that her heart always stays that soft and desirous to live for him!
So for me, Facebook has been tough. I've been tempted to get on to see a picture or something. I also considered getting on long enough to just post this post on my blog. But I decided to do that after lent is over. I think it's been mostly tough because of being so far away from so many people that I love. It's my lifeline sometimes. I sat in church yesterday and cried and cried. Jon wasn't with me because Cedar had been sick, and he was home with him. I hadn't been able to go in a month so Jon let me go instead!! I sat in church and cried because I felt displaced. I felt like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in Naples anymore, but I don't yet feel like I belong here either. I think our church is doing great things here, but I'm not really sure that I belong there. I've never felt more lonely than I did yesterday sitting in church. Oh, it's not the church's fault. I'm not saying that. My 8 year old was totally acting up--really unlike him when he's with me. That brought on some of it. Just feeling the stares and judgements of the people behind me. If you have kids, you know how it is!! But at this church they don't just "shake hands" and say "Hello" at a certain point in the service. They celebrate community together. They laugh and talk and visit for a good five minutes or so. I've looked at that and loved that they do it. But it's hard when you don't feel a part of it. Part of me feels like I just haven't had the time to put into it what I need it.
But all of that to say that I started wondering if yesterday it hit me so hard because I haven't been on Facebook in five days. I haven't had my lifeline. Maybe that is what lent is all about. God wants us to give up our earthly lifelines and cling only to him. He showed me this clearly yesterday as tears were streaming down my face as we went up to take communion. He ministered to my soul--but I can't say I left there feeling whole. No, I think he probably has a lot more work to do. I'm not sure that I'm ready for it--but I'm willing. I can say with all my heart that I WANT him to be my only lifeline. Getting there is a whole other story.
I wish I could say that I came home and was able to spend all afternoon soaking in his word and he taught me all I needed!! :) No, I came home and cooked lunch, cleaned up lunch, put a baby to bed, tried to unpack more in my room, got a baby up after 30 minutes because the 4 year old had screamed in the house and woken him up, took three little ones to the park, made supper, read books, played a little here and there, and then.....another night was upon me where I wanted to just fall into bed but was reminded by my 8 and 9 year old that I needed to read more of our current read aloud before they went to bed.
So I'm praying (once again) for more diligence--to be wise with my time--to have the strength to rise up earlier than the baby at 6:30 (after being up once at night nursing him and up with the 4 and 7 year old figuring out their sleeping arrangements in their bed, in our bed, on our floor, back in our bed)...... Don't judge me here, please. I need more time to hang on to Jesus as my lifeline--up close and personal.
And back to that 8 year old acting up in church yesterday....I have no doubt it was his emotions about being here that were coming through. I talked with him about it yesterday afternoon, and he just broke down. He had just said to me that morning, "I don't like this new church" and "I hate Tennessee" and "I just want to go back to Naples." So I knew things were going to surface. And they did. Just at a very inopportune time! (Don't they always.)
But more about that little guy in another post. I need to get back to taking care of things around here.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Back to blogging
Well, it's been awhile! I have sat down a few times to write, but I just haven't had the inspiration. We've been in Knoxville now since November 14, and can I just say that it's been hard for me! I guess it's been hard because I didn't expect it to be. I'm a pretty free spirit--upbeat, positive, low stress, adaptable. I should have been fine, right? Man, I didn't realize how hard it would be--being in transition for a month before finally moving into our house, unpacking and trying to home school kids at the same time, trying to live "normal" life with six kids in the midst of chaos, months of very little sleep because of kids just not being able to get into a normal sleep pattern, having a very clingy four year old just about put me over the edge, pulling up roots of 11 years and all of our kids' memories and replanting those somewhere 14 hours away where they knew no one, finding new friends, and the biggest one--leaving our amazing church with such amazing people where God is doing amazing things and finding a new one!! Now, I'm not saying that God isn't doing amazing things here. I know that the mission of the church that we have been attending is a great one. I believe they are right on track with where God wants them to be. It's just different from where we've been. Different is hard sometimes.
I keep feeling like I want to get involved in things here--homeschooling things, the birth world (doula stuff), etc. but I just keep feeling like I've got too much still to do at home. The house is never clean enough. There are never enough groceries. Someone ALWAYS needs to be fed. Another box always needs to be unpacked. Another room always needs cleaning up. There's always something else that takes precedence before getting involved. I've heard about some homeschooling groups but we decided not to join a co-op in January for the remainder of the year. So I just continue to put things on hold. I did get a call out of the blue today from another doula here in Knoxville. I just changed my contact information on the DONA (doulas of north america) website, and I guess she noticed a new name. I was very excited to talk to her. It seems that the doula here are pretty involved together. I'd love to be a part of that! So that's something!
One thing that has been good that's come from the move is my kids' relationships with each other. Yes, they still have arguments and maybe even a little more because they are together all the time. But all in all, they have gotten so much closer. They love being together and playing together. And I have a 15 year old who hangs out at home, talks to me about all sorts of stuff and seems to be doing just fine even though he knows no one here! He's just that kind. Thankfully he has his iphone and he stays in touch with old friends, but as far as people here, there's no one yet. And he's just like his dad--he doesn't seem to mind! I'm hoping that will change next fall as he will be taking some classes at the co-op here, but until then, he seems fine to just stay at home and hang out!
So that's what's going on here, I guess. Not much still. I feel like our lives are on hold. We visited Naples in January, and that was hard. But we made it. I know this is where God has us. Jon is happy at work and feels challenged. I'm happy for him. I've had four kids on antibiotics in the last six weeks. That NEVER happens at our house!! But it did. I'm blaming it on the climate change. ;) We've switched another child to gluten free. That's kindof something that I'm tired of thinking about. Man, it would be easier just to fix her a turkey sandwich with "nanaise" (as she says.) GF bread just isn't so easy to work with. We do it, but it's expensive as well! Just something else to have to think about in my life!!
Sorry if this has been a negative, complaining blog. I guess maybe I needed to do this a long time ago and get this all out! I know God is working in my life. I know he has big plans. I trust Jeremiah 29:11 that says that he has plans for me--to give me a hope and a future. Right now I'm just waiting. Waiting until he reveals my future and those plans. To say right now is dry in my life would be the understatement of the year! I'm used to being used at church, in the community, and other places as well as in my home. I guess right now God just wants me here--at home. So that's what I'll do. I'll stay home while he wants me to and follow his lead when it's time to venture out. It's kind of lonely, but I'll be fine. God is good all the time.....even in the middle of the dry spells.
I keep feeling like I want to get involved in things here--homeschooling things, the birth world (doula stuff), etc. but I just keep feeling like I've got too much still to do at home. The house is never clean enough. There are never enough groceries. Someone ALWAYS needs to be fed. Another box always needs to be unpacked. Another room always needs cleaning up. There's always something else that takes precedence before getting involved. I've heard about some homeschooling groups but we decided not to join a co-op in January for the remainder of the year. So I just continue to put things on hold. I did get a call out of the blue today from another doula here in Knoxville. I just changed my contact information on the DONA (doulas of north america) website, and I guess she noticed a new name. I was very excited to talk to her. It seems that the doula here are pretty involved together. I'd love to be a part of that! So that's something!
One thing that has been good that's come from the move is my kids' relationships with each other. Yes, they still have arguments and maybe even a little more because they are together all the time. But all in all, they have gotten so much closer. They love being together and playing together. And I have a 15 year old who hangs out at home, talks to me about all sorts of stuff and seems to be doing just fine even though he knows no one here! He's just that kind. Thankfully he has his iphone and he stays in touch with old friends, but as far as people here, there's no one yet. And he's just like his dad--he doesn't seem to mind! I'm hoping that will change next fall as he will be taking some classes at the co-op here, but until then, he seems fine to just stay at home and hang out!
So that's what's going on here, I guess. Not much still. I feel like our lives are on hold. We visited Naples in January, and that was hard. But we made it. I know this is where God has us. Jon is happy at work and feels challenged. I'm happy for him. I've had four kids on antibiotics in the last six weeks. That NEVER happens at our house!! But it did. I'm blaming it on the climate change. ;) We've switched another child to gluten free. That's kindof something that I'm tired of thinking about. Man, it would be easier just to fix her a turkey sandwich with "nanaise" (as she says.) GF bread just isn't so easy to work with. We do it, but it's expensive as well! Just something else to have to think about in my life!!
Sorry if this has been a negative, complaining blog. I guess maybe I needed to do this a long time ago and get this all out! I know God is working in my life. I know he has big plans. I trust Jeremiah 29:11 that says that he has plans for me--to give me a hope and a future. Right now I'm just waiting. Waiting until he reveals my future and those plans. To say right now is dry in my life would be the understatement of the year! I'm used to being used at church, in the community, and other places as well as in my home. I guess right now God just wants me here--at home. So that's what I'll do. I'll stay home while he wants me to and follow his lead when it's time to venture out. It's kind of lonely, but I'll be fine. God is good all the time.....even in the middle of the dry spells.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Long time....no blog
It's been awhile since I've been on here. Every now and then something crosses my mind to write about, but by the time I sit down and have the time to do it, it's either gone or not important anymore! Nothing much has changed about the fact that we are moving. But the circumstances surrounding that seem to change every day. I guess that's why I haven't been good about keeping this "up to date." Because as soon as plans are made, they change.
As of now, the kids and I are still in Naples. We were supposed to be moved last weekend. We were supposed to be in a rental house in Newport, TN at the bottom of the Smokies with a great yard and an amazing view. As wonderful as that was, it was temporary and we didn't know much beyond that. God took care of us in a great way!! He provided a way for us to get a loan to buy a home in Knoxville--which is where we really wanted to be. The country home would have been great. Quiet, spacious, lovely.....but we were both very disappointed at our church options in Newport. It's very important to both of us to have a close-knit, growing, living church family. As the body of Christ, we want to be a part of one that is making a difference and living out our commission. We visited a growing and thriving church in downtown Knoxville when we visited in Sept. Finding out that we weren't going to be able to buy a house and live in Knoxville (because there were no rentals available for what we needed) was disappointing to say the least. We prayed and enlisted the children's prayers as well! They have taught me so much through all of this. They are so faithful to take everything before the throne of God and just ask with a childlike faith. They aren't surprised when he answers big (like I am.) I'm so blessed to have them teach me every day!!
So now I've been here for five weeks with six kids and no husband. I've always thought single parents were the most admirable people out there--selfless and giving. Now I don't even know how you do it--day in and day out. Since we home school, the days seem pretty monotonous sometimes with no changes and nothing to break up the time. Thankfully, my oldest can babysit so I've taken a few times to get away by myself or with a friend. But it's the night times that are hard. I never have an empty bed--for sure!! :) But I miss him most then. I went to get a massage today, and it was blissful! I never do stuff like that, but Wednesday night driving home from church I really started noticing my back and shoulders and how "tingly" and stiff they were. This always happens when I'm nursing so I'm pretty used to it! :) But it gave me the idea to call a friend who is a masseuse and ask her about an appointment. One of my best friends was going with me (whose husband has also been out of town because they are moving as well) but God provided a different surprise for her!! Her husband surprised her by coming home this weekend! So I ended up going alone. I enjoyed a quiet 90 minutes of restfulness!
So the plan was for us to leave next Thursday (Oct. 20), stay in Perry with my parents for a couple of weeks and then go to TN to stay in a hotel or extended stay place until our house was ready for closing. Oh yeah, I forgot that part. We did end up buying a house--one that I've never seen except through pictures. Yes, I have lots of trust in my husband's judgement and taste (he's really good at that kind of stuff.) But I also realize that it's just a house--a place to put our stuff (that we have too much of) and lay our heads at night. It's not ours'--nothing is. It's a material possession. Therefore I can give that up too. God has worked out everything so perfectly and miraculously. I have to trust that He has given us the perfect house for our needs as well.
Our closing date is scheduled for Nov. 14. Jon was not really liking the idea of us all being in a hotel for two weeks, but we were both ready to live together again as husband and wife!! So last night a friend suggested that we check into a vacation rental. After all, we are moving to the vacation place of the south!! So I sent out some inquiries last night, and it looks like we have a house in the Smokies for the first three weeks of Nov. It gives us a week to get the closing done, our stuff moved in the house and time to settle in easily before we go my grandparents for Thanksgiving! The kids are thrilled! We went to Gatlinburg last year, and they still talk about it. Can't wait to home school in the fall in the Smokies with a fire in the fireplace, crispness in the air, fall leaves all around. It will be a whole new world for my kids--new surroundings and new experiences. I'm so excited!! The hardest part, though, will be actually getting the kids to do some school work instead of just playing all the time. But God is teaching us so much this year--sometimes life is just as much of a teaching lesson than anything else.
So that's our plan for now--leave Naples on the 20th, spend 1 1/2 weeks with my parents, then head to the Smokies for three weeks in Pigeon Forge. Then we'll head to Winder, GA for Thanksgiving--something we haven't done in 8 years (had a cool Thanksgiving!) and then finally back to our new home to hopefully be out of boxes by Christmas!! Yeah, right!! My mom is laughing right now. She knows it takes me about two years to get completely out of boxes!! :)
So life is hectic. I must say my heart is filled with dread when I think about the week looming ahead of me. Yes, we will have packers, but I must be organized first. Organization is not one of my strong points. I am also a major procrastinator and I don't even seem to SEE the stuff that needs to be done until it's eminent. So therefore.... I know what lies ahead, and it's not a pretty picture!! I'm afraid the packers will come Monday and tell me they "can't work like this." :)
I could use your prayers. Jon won't be flying in until Thursday morning so I'm alone in this. I've pretty much got the kids scattered to different places throughout the week, but I'll have a couple here with me most of the time as well. They have been so busy this past week they haven't had time to be sad. I know it will hit them soon though.
Tomorrow is our last time at church as members of Covenant Church of Naples. That thought sobers me and is probably the hardest part of leaving Naples. I don't know if I will cry or not. I don't really cry that much. But one thing is sure--part of my heart will be left here forever, and it will be planted there in the body of Christ--with those people whom I've gone through struggles with, prayed with, given and received meals and gifts and love to/from at times of rejoicing and hardships. I'm so thankful to have lived here for 11 years and especially for the last 3--where our church has come together as a true light and shining beacon for God.
I know God has plans for us wherever we go (Jer. 29:11), and I can't wait to see just how those unfold in the tapestry of our lives....
As of now, the kids and I are still in Naples. We were supposed to be moved last weekend. We were supposed to be in a rental house in Newport, TN at the bottom of the Smokies with a great yard and an amazing view. As wonderful as that was, it was temporary and we didn't know much beyond that. God took care of us in a great way!! He provided a way for us to get a loan to buy a home in Knoxville--which is where we really wanted to be. The country home would have been great. Quiet, spacious, lovely.....but we were both very disappointed at our church options in Newport. It's very important to both of us to have a close-knit, growing, living church family. As the body of Christ, we want to be a part of one that is making a difference and living out our commission. We visited a growing and thriving church in downtown Knoxville when we visited in Sept. Finding out that we weren't going to be able to buy a house and live in Knoxville (because there were no rentals available for what we needed) was disappointing to say the least. We prayed and enlisted the children's prayers as well! They have taught me so much through all of this. They are so faithful to take everything before the throne of God and just ask with a childlike faith. They aren't surprised when he answers big (like I am.) I'm so blessed to have them teach me every day!!
So now I've been here for five weeks with six kids and no husband. I've always thought single parents were the most admirable people out there--selfless and giving. Now I don't even know how you do it--day in and day out. Since we home school, the days seem pretty monotonous sometimes with no changes and nothing to break up the time. Thankfully, my oldest can babysit so I've taken a few times to get away by myself or with a friend. But it's the night times that are hard. I never have an empty bed--for sure!! :) But I miss him most then. I went to get a massage today, and it was blissful! I never do stuff like that, but Wednesday night driving home from church I really started noticing my back and shoulders and how "tingly" and stiff they were. This always happens when I'm nursing so I'm pretty used to it! :) But it gave me the idea to call a friend who is a masseuse and ask her about an appointment. One of my best friends was going with me (whose husband has also been out of town because they are moving as well) but God provided a different surprise for her!! Her husband surprised her by coming home this weekend! So I ended up going alone. I enjoyed a quiet 90 minutes of restfulness!
So the plan was for us to leave next Thursday (Oct. 20), stay in Perry with my parents for a couple of weeks and then go to TN to stay in a hotel or extended stay place until our house was ready for closing. Oh yeah, I forgot that part. We did end up buying a house--one that I've never seen except through pictures. Yes, I have lots of trust in my husband's judgement and taste (he's really good at that kind of stuff.) But I also realize that it's just a house--a place to put our stuff (that we have too much of) and lay our heads at night. It's not ours'--nothing is. It's a material possession. Therefore I can give that up too. God has worked out everything so perfectly and miraculously. I have to trust that He has given us the perfect house for our needs as well.
Our closing date is scheduled for Nov. 14. Jon was not really liking the idea of us all being in a hotel for two weeks, but we were both ready to live together again as husband and wife!! So last night a friend suggested that we check into a vacation rental. After all, we are moving to the vacation place of the south!! So I sent out some inquiries last night, and it looks like we have a house in the Smokies for the first three weeks of Nov. It gives us a week to get the closing done, our stuff moved in the house and time to settle in easily before we go my grandparents for Thanksgiving! The kids are thrilled! We went to Gatlinburg last year, and they still talk about it. Can't wait to home school in the fall in the Smokies with a fire in the fireplace, crispness in the air, fall leaves all around. It will be a whole new world for my kids--new surroundings and new experiences. I'm so excited!! The hardest part, though, will be actually getting the kids to do some school work instead of just playing all the time. But God is teaching us so much this year--sometimes life is just as much of a teaching lesson than anything else.
So that's our plan for now--leave Naples on the 20th, spend 1 1/2 weeks with my parents, then head to the Smokies for three weeks in Pigeon Forge. Then we'll head to Winder, GA for Thanksgiving--something we haven't done in 8 years (had a cool Thanksgiving!) and then finally back to our new home to hopefully be out of boxes by Christmas!! Yeah, right!! My mom is laughing right now. She knows it takes me about two years to get completely out of boxes!! :)
So life is hectic. I must say my heart is filled with dread when I think about the week looming ahead of me. Yes, we will have packers, but I must be organized first. Organization is not one of my strong points. I am also a major procrastinator and I don't even seem to SEE the stuff that needs to be done until it's eminent. So therefore.... I know what lies ahead, and it's not a pretty picture!! I'm afraid the packers will come Monday and tell me they "can't work like this." :)
I could use your prayers. Jon won't be flying in until Thursday morning so I'm alone in this. I've pretty much got the kids scattered to different places throughout the week, but I'll have a couple here with me most of the time as well. They have been so busy this past week they haven't had time to be sad. I know it will hit them soon though.
Tomorrow is our last time at church as members of Covenant Church of Naples. That thought sobers me and is probably the hardest part of leaving Naples. I don't know if I will cry or not. I don't really cry that much. But one thing is sure--part of my heart will be left here forever, and it will be planted there in the body of Christ--with those people whom I've gone through struggles with, prayed with, given and received meals and gifts and love to/from at times of rejoicing and hardships. I'm so thankful to have lived here for 11 years and especially for the last 3--where our church has come together as a true light and shining beacon for God.
I know God has plans for us wherever we go (Jer. 29:11), and I can't wait to see just how those unfold in the tapestry of our lives....
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