I don't remember it being like this....

We started back to school today!! I know there are some moms out there who jump for joy during this time of year. They are sending their kids off to school five days a week and enjoying their time alone, at work, doing their own thing, etc. I know there are also moms who send their kids to school who are sad at this time of year because they don't want to send them back. They miss their lazy summer days. I am also well aware that there are home school moms who love this time of year because they love schedules, organization, fun projects, etc. etc. I fit none of these molds!! :) I do not want to send my children off to school to be away from me everyday. I can't even imagine it!! But I love summers where we have no schedule, nothing going on, and we can just be together, spontaneous, fun!

The thought of scheduled days for the next nine months sends chills down my spine! I would much rather be the "unschooler" who just does school at the whims and interests of her children. I would love to sleep in and just have my children do some school through out the day, evening, or even 11 o'clock at night if they so chose. But I've tried it, and guess what?? It doesn't work for me! My kids don't go for it. I've never been able to figure out the secrets of moms with kids who love to do school. I've heard about them. I hear there are children out there who can't wait to do the fun, crafty projects that their moms have planned. Oh wait.... maybe that's why my kids aren't really excited about school. I'm not really into fun, crafty projects these days.

I used to be. I really was. I look back at stuff I did with Trand when he was in K and 1st grade. We had so much fun together doing long, time consuming, messy projects. And he remembers none of it--thanks a lot!! I know that's no reason not to do it. I know it builds relationships, gives an educational foundation, etc. But just the fact that he doesn't remember any of it really kind of makes me sad!! (and if I'm honest it makes me feel like it was a waste of time!)

But I've discovered there are times for schedules--like when you are schooling four children of all different ages and also have a 4 year old and 1 year old around as well! I know there are home schooling guru mega-moms out there who school like 47 children at the same time, but I'm having a hard enough time with four! To tell the truth, I only really spend a lot of time teaching 3 of them. My oldest is in 9th grade this year and does much of his stuff independent of me. Thankfully! But he doesn't need instruction in his school subjects as much as he needs a little "kick in the pants" to get it done. Sometimes that's a HUGE kick in the pants! And on some days, that can be my most difficult task. So I include him in my task of teaching four children!

Also, my kids work better on schedules. When I try to just do school throughout the day it doesn't work. If there's not a set time for it, I get lots of groans and moans and "I don't want to do this" and "I hate school" etc. etc. But when they see it on paper that they are supposed to do Math at 10:00, for some reason it's usually okay.

But not today..... well, not with Liza-Hill anyway. She was my hard one today. First of all, she is out of sorts if she is ever tired or hungry. She seemed to be both all day. Even though she ate breakfast, a snack and lunch, she continued to be hungry. She claimed to be tired as well. So tonight she is going to bed at 8:00--no excuses. Her normal bedtime is 8:30. I don't know if she'll fall asleep or not because she really is a night owl, but I'm hoping that after a few mornings of waking up early and going to bed on time, life will get back to normal for her. Today, though, she fought me on everything!

Thankfully, Breck was very easy today. That's usually the case, but he was extra happy about doing it and told me how much he liked history. He had a good attitude about everything actually so I guess maybe I do have one child who is "one of those kids." :) It's just hard to see sometimes when the others are giving me a hard time.

Today was Shepley's first day of first grade. She was very excited, and she had a great day. It's fun to see her learn. She's very animated about it and shows her excitement for learning new things. It's very rewarding to teach her.  And she's so proud of herself which is fun to see as well. I can't wait until she can tell Jon about her day today.

As for my little ones, Cama-Jane was pretty good today. She likes to sit right up under me all the time which she did a little today, but she was actually pretty good about letting us have a little time today. Cedar is fighting a summer cold (as is Cama-Jane) so he was fussier than usual. He didn't go down easily for his nap at all. I had to nurse him and lay with him on the bed then rock him in my arms and put him down asleep. I never have to do that anymore. But all that took about 30 minutes out of my schedule! And in that time, the kids had gone a little crazy. After a few weeks, they'll be easier to leave on their own to work, but the first day--forget it!

And Trand.... well, Trand doesn't have all of his school stuff here yet. He's got his history curriculum so he may be doing that non stop for this week. I'm excited about it, and I wish that I could do it. We ordered it from Vision Forum last year, and it's called The History of Christianity and Western Civilization. It's the history of the impact that Christianity has had on the world in the past 2000 years. It starts at Rome. There is a book, CDs and a video documentary. I think he'll really enjoy it. So today he did History and he read. I haven't been able to make him read too much all summer so now that it's "school" he will do it! :) He should get his online science class tomorrow. He'll be doing Physical Science with Catie Frates online classes. He's doing writing once HEED starts on the 23rd. And Math.... oh math..... every year it's the eternal thorn in our flesh! I still haven't decided exactly what's going to happen. I know. I've got to figure it out soon. But I don't have the money for a tutor/teacher, and I can't fight him hard enough on the math anymore. So I'm kind of in between a rock and a hard place. Still praying.... And I was planning on him doing spanish through Florida Virtual School, but I have to send in the letter from the county saying he is registered with them. I got that 9 years ago. Yeah, like I still have it! So I need to request another letter saying he is registered here so that I can go ahead with that.

Anyway, didn't mean to write a diatribe about my home schooling plans or anything. Just got on here to share that my first day wasn't ideal. But I'm fighting back. I'm not giving up, and I'm going to somehow, someway make schedules the norm around here!! And that's going to take more self discipline than child discipline! :)

Meatballs!!

I have children with different tastes. Some of you who personally know my children know this is an *understatement* about one of my children in particular!! :) Whenever I say "all my kids loved this" just know that that means 5 out of the 6 unless I specifically say HER!! So in this case--all of my kids loved these (except the one!) I have yet to find anything much beyond plain roasted chicken and peanut butter sandwiches for this one!! But anyway, my others devoured these. They made 24 good size meatballs. If you have a smaller family you can 1/2 the recipe or freeze them (I always love that option!!) I actually ended up freezing 7 of them. I figured I could give them to the kids as a quick meal one night when Jon and I are going out. They wouldn't be a whole meal for anyone (unless a couple of them were gone) but they would be some good protein!! So here they are--

The Meatballs
2 lbs. ground beef
1 lb. mild italian sausage
3 celery stalks, diced
1/4 white onion, diced (could use more, but my kids like lesser amounts of onion)
2 carrots, diced
3 eggs
1/2 cup almond meal
1 Tbs. dried oregano
1 Tbs. garlic powder
4 or 5 fresh basil leaves, chopped
pinch of cayenne pepper
sea salt and black pepper to taste

I put the celery, onion, and carrots in the food processor. It gives the taste and nutrition without the kids seeing the chunks of orange and such in the meatball!! :) Plus, it's a lot easier than dicing!! Also, next time I'll leave out the cayenne. I liked it, but it was a bit spicy for a couple of mine. Ones that would have probably eaten another one but just couldn't because it was spicy. :) This wasn't the case with the baby though. He ate two of them--spiciness and all!! Use your hands to mix all ingredients together. Form the mixture into large meatballs.  (I probably did between a golf ball and a baseball size.) Place them on the bottom of a crock pot, stacking if necessary. (I cooked them on the stovetop in a deep pan on low for about 2 hours.)


The Sauce
16 oz. can diced tomatoes
1 can tomato paste
1 fresh tomato, chopped
1 cup fresh basil, chopped
5-6 cloves of garlic, coarsely chopped
sea salt and pepper to taste

Cover the meatballs with the tomato sauce and cook 6-8 hours on low. (In the crock pot.)

America's drug of choice

So I've started on another 30 day kick. For some reason I feel the need to do things for 30 days!! :) Although since I started Aug. 1, it will probably be 31 days since there's 31 days in the month. My plan this month has been to do all raw for the first part of the day (breakfast, lunch, snacks) and then Paleo for dinner. If you don't know what Paleo is, you can click the link. I'm not going to take too much time to explain it here. Basically, it's eating only meats, veggies, fruit, seeds and nuts. What that means is NO dairy, NO grains, NO sugar. It makes sense to me that this way of eating would be good for our bodies. Well, it is good for my body anyway. I'm still convinced that there is no ONE right way for everyone to eat. But I know that grains do bad things to me!! Especially wheat and gluten-filled grains. But I'm pretty sure any and all of them could do some damage!! :) But no matter what your body type is, no matter what "diet" is best for you, I can promise you that we would all be better off without SUGAR!


Yes, that is America's drug of choice. I have heard that it was a drug, and I've come to definitely believe it. I used to think and I've heard others say *God made sugar cane so surely it's okay for us to eat it in it's natural, unrefined state.* So as long as you use "pure cane sugar" you're fine.... right? Funny thing is--it does the same bad stuff to your body and keeps you in a dependent state on it. Lately I've started thinking about other "natural" things that God put on this earth. Hmmmm, the tobacco plant is natural, but we shouldn't smoke it or we're in danger of lung cancer. We pretty much all agree on that one. What about natural marijuana? That's something that most of us would agree that we shouldn't smoke as well, right? There are poisonous berries, mushrooms, and plants. Those are all in the natural world, but it would do our bodies harm to eat them. So why are we so convinced that *God gave us sugar cane so it couldn't be too bad!*? 


Think about it. We hear people say all the time, "I just have a sweet tooth" or "I just NEED a little something sweet after a meal" or "I just feel better when I have a little sugar." We say these things and think of them as just normal. It's just part of someone's personality. One person likes sweet, another person likes salty. It's just likes and dislikes, right? The problem is that sugar wreaks havoc on our bodies! The first and most noticeable example of this in America is that it makes us FAT! Look at Americans today. Statistics say that 65% of Americans are obese!! That's crazy ridiculous!! Now, I'm not blaming that all on sugar. The fact that people are lazy doesn't help! But look at the rise of diabetes in the last three decades. In 1980, there were just under 500,000 new cases diagnosed. In 2009, there were almost 2 million!! We've got to take a look at this huge jump and figure out what we're doing as a culture to cause this! 


According to this website the average American consumes 2-3 lbs. of sugar a week. In the last 20 years, our consumption has jumped from 26 lbs. per person per year to a whopping 135 lbs. per person per year!! Is it any wonder why diabetes has shot up?? And going back even further, before the turn of the century the average person only consumed 5 lbs. of sugar per year!! That was back before we had the obesity problems, the cardiovascular problems, and the cancer that we have today. 


There is such a long list of things that sugar can do to our bodies, that I'm just going to copy and paste them from this website right here so that you don't have to go look for yourself! :)

• Sugar can suppress the immune system.
• Sugar can upset the body's mineral balance.
• Sugar can contribute to hyperactivity, anxiety, depression, concentration difficulties, and crankiness in children.
• Sugar can produce a significant rise in triglycerides.
• Sugar can cause drowsiness and decreased activity in children.
• Sugar can reduce helpful high density cholesterol (HDLs).
• Sugar can promote an elevation of harmful cholesterol (LDLs).
• Sugar can cause hypoglycemia.
• Sugar contributes to a weakened defense against bacterial infection.
• Sugar can cause kidney damage.
• Sugar can increase the risk of coronary heart disease.
• Sugar may lead to chromium deficiency.
• Sugar can cause copper deficiency.
• Sugar interferes with absorption of calcium and magnesium.
• Sugar can increase fasting levels of blood glucose.
• Sugar can promote tooth decay.
• Sugar can produce an acidic stomach.
• Sugar can raise adrenaline levels in children.
• Sugar can lead to periodontal disease.
• Sugar can speed the aging process, causing wrinkles and grey hair.
• Sugar can increase total cholesterol.
• Sugar can contribute to weight gain and obesity.
• High intake of sugar increases the risk of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.
• Sugar can contribute to diabetes.
• Sugar can contribute to osteoporosis.
• Sugar can cause a decrease in insulin sensitivity.
• Sugar leads to decreased glucose tolerance.
• Sugar can cause cardiovascular disease.
• Sugar can increase systolic blood pressure.
• Sugar causes food allergies.
• Sugar can cause free radical formation in the bloodstream.
• Sugar can cause toxemia during pregnancy.
• Sugar can contribute to eczema in children.
• Sugar can overstress the pancreas, causing damage.
• Sugar can cause atherosclerosis.
• Sugar can compromise the lining of the capillaries.
• Sugar can cause liver cells to divide, increasing the size of the liver.
• Sugar can increase the amount of fat in the liver.
• Sugar can increase kidney size and produce pathological changes in thekidney.
• Sugar can cause depression.
• Sugar can increase the body's fluid retention.
• Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance.
• Sugar can cause hypertension.
• Sugar can cause headaches, including migraines.
• Sugar can cause an increase in delta, alpha and theta brain waves, which can alter the mind's ability to think clearly.
• Sugar can increase blood platelet adhesiveness which increases risk of blood clots and strokes.
• Sugar can increase insulin responses in those consuming high-sugar diets compared to low sugar diets.
• Sugar increases bacterial fermentation in the colon.

Now, believe me, I'm just as guilty as anyone. I known a lot of this stuff for a long time. I've even been off sugar several times over the last few years. It's a lot easier for me to go off then it is for me to make my kids go completely off!! They tend to buck me a little more than I do myself. But it's what I know I should do--for their sake and well being. Now, they are pretty active kids so they burn it pretty quickly. There's not one of them that's overweight or unhealthy. But that's no excuse. It's my responsibility right now to teach them healthy habits for a lifetime. My 14 year old is actually the best about sugar intake. He's just naturally a pretty healthy eater. The food he chooses is usually pretty healthy. Most of my others will eat healthy food when it's put in front of them. But most of them will also choose fast food (pretty much Chick-fil-A or Jason's Deli are the only choices for that these days) over eating at home. Hmmm, hits a little close to home there!! I think that's a learned habit!

So once again I'm off of sugar. It's going on five days now. I had some cloudiness the first couple of days, but I'm doing better. But I promise, go cold turkey off of sugar (if you are one who finds you "have a sweet tooth") and tell me you aren't addicted! Sugar feeds yeast in our bodies which can lead to all sorts of problems--starting in early infancy. Each time I do this I say, "I'm never going back!" And here I am, once again. I know this about myself. I am an *ALL OR NOTHING* kind of girl. I have to have the "rules" to live by. If I tell myself that I'm going to do a certain kind of diet for 30 days, I'll do it. I won't back down. I have the will power. Even if I tell myself I'm going to stop eating something for good, I can do it. I haven't eaten gluten since October, and even though it's a pain sometimes, I don't give in. But if I give in once--if I tell myself I'll just "watch" it--you can forget it!! It's over. So I know that I will have to tell myself *no more sugar forever.* That kind of hurts right now. It makes my heart a little sad--okay, a lot sad! But we'll see how it goes.

I've always been frustrated that I'm not one of those girls who just loses weight easily, that I'm not naturally skinny no matter what I eat. You know those girls you just want to hit?? Well, I guess I'm thankful (sort of) now. If I was naturally skinny and didn't have to think about it, I don't think I would have set out on the journey that I have. I don't think I would have been so determined to figure out this nutrition thing. I know I wouldn't be so determined to cut sugar out of my diet! But since I am, I think I'm the better off for it! 

Cutting out gluten is one thing--cutting out sugar is another! God will have to be the one to give me strength for that one!! He is the ultimate end in my quest for health. He is the giver of life, perfect healthy life. His ways are best. His word is best and has the answers--even for our health. 

Things my kids don't need to see

Okay, I am pro-life. That is pretty much a given if you know me or have read one iota of anything on this blog. There is no question. My children, ages 8 and up, know what abortion is and the sad truth that it is legal in our country. They know we are saddened by it. They've even been to Planned Parenthood with us to pray and talk with anyone who would like to talk. They know what this is about--in the way that 8 and 9 year olds should. We haven't shared gory details, but they do know that our world does not value life the way that we should.

Given all of this, I am still appalled when I see huge, detailed pictures in public of aborted baby body parts. This makes me sick!! I do not understand the reason behind this agenda. Not only does it make me sick, but it makes me angry. It makes me angry that they are so public that I have to fight for my children not to see them. My kids don't need that image in their minds. Today as I was driving out to buy our raw milk for the week, right on the side of the road in a huge, open space was one of those mobile, bill board trucks with massive pictures of bloody baby arms and legs and heads all pulled apart in an absolutely grotesque manner--big as day for my kids to see. There was no question that they were body parts--all bloody. I realize that shock value is exactly what the people who promote this are going for. I realize they are hoping to shock some poor pregnant girl who is considering abortion into keeping her baby by showing her exactly what the abortionists' knife and suction is going to do to that baby in her womb.

I agree. It's a horrible, horrible thing. It's sickeningly sad and it makes my heart ache for all those babies and for the moms who will have to live with the guilt. And I even believe there is a place for the pictures. They belong in pamphlets in Planned Parenthood (a place I know that they'll never be) and crisis pregnancy centers. They could even be put in OBGYN's offices under the caution of "adult eyes only." I believe they should be plastered up as big as day inside the courtrooms of the Supreme court so that the justices can see exactly what their laws are allowing. Parents with children would be warned before entering, of course. I'd be okay with those pictures being posted in the Oval office or in Obama's bedroom, for all I care. But they DO NOT need to be on the side of the road out in the open for my children's innocent eyes to see and question!

As we were driving up towards it, I casually glanced at it, noticing that it was something out of the ordinary. As my mind started to focus more on what it was, I quickly started grappling with how to engage my children's attention so that they wouldn't look out the window! I think I succeeded. Thankfully, no one was in the front seat. No one asked a question so I guess they didn't see it. Thank you, God, for protecting my babies' innocent eyes!

On the way back, I was thinking once again how I could keep them occupied and then noticed it wasn't there anymore. I had just been by there less than 10 minutes before. I guess the time was up or whatever, but I saw it then driving down the main road. I slowed down so that I wouldn't get near it. Imagine!! Sitting at a red light or something with those horrible images right in your children's faces!! Oh the thought makes me shudder. I can't even imagine the nightmares that my kids would have after seeing that.

It's happened one other time--about two years ago. I was driving down Pine Ridge Road and some group of Pro-lifers was out. That's great! I'm glad they are showing a presence!! They were right as everyone was slowing down for the red light. Then I noticed that they had a series of huge posters on big sticks. The first couple were beautiful--the baby in the womb sucking his thumb, a 3 or 4 month old baby in the womb. Then the pictures of the bloody, aborted parts started. It was so out of nowhere that I didn't catch it in time. Trand was in the front seat. Now, I know he was 12, but he was an innocent 12. He may not be so innocent now at 14, but I can promise he was then!! He did see a couple before I told him to close his eyes. I asked him if he saw them. He said, "no" at first because he knew I didn't want him to. But after further probing he said, "yes." We talked about it some, but at least he was 12. I knew that Jon had taken Liza-Hill down that same way just a few minutes before. I asked him if he saw them. He said "yes." Of course, he lets her sit in the front seat even though she shouldn't. I asked if she saw them, and he didn't know. I didn't want to probe and ask her and bring up anything that I shouldn't. So I never asked. She never commented to him or me so maybe she didn't. She usually pretty aware of what's going on, but she also usually would ask, "What's that?" if she saw something like that. Since she didn't, my prayer was that God protected her eyes.

So anyway, this outrages me!! Does it work? I mean, really? Have abortion rates dropped since the public parading of bloody baby body parts? Maybe it's changed one girl's mind. If so, I'm thankful for that. But surely there's got to be a better way. I try so hard to keep my children's minds innocent--shielding them from what the world has to show. And now I have to shield them from the pro-lifers too? I just don't know how anyone thinks this is okay? If I feel this way about it, I can't imagine how someone who is pro-choice feels about it!! I can't imagine what they would say about their children seeing this!! Surely they would be even more upset than me, and it certainly wouldn't provide any strides toward "lovingly" showing them why we believe what we believe.

There's got to be a better way.....

Silence

Silence.....

I feel like this word describes my summer. I've been mostly silent on my blog. That wasn't my plan. I thought summer would be a great time to write, but here it is coming to the end of July, and I've only written seven posts all summer. Several of those were just recipes or songs. I have wanted to write, and yet I feel like God has kept me silent. I haven't been overly busy. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been bored or sitting around twiddling my thumbs! I've cleaned my house, done my laundry, shuttled children back and forth to various activities, etc.

I also feel like it describes my summer in another way..... God's silence. I've actually felt this since last November but more so in recent weeks. That's probably another reason I haven't written anything. I haven't felt too much inspiration. But am I right in this? Is my reasoning correct? Or do I need another prospective?

One thing that I have just begun is a new Bible study last week at church. It's only been two weeks into it, and I can wholeheartedly recommend it. If any of you are PCA (or even if you aren't) I would say "GO TO THE PCA WOMENS' CONFERENCE IN OCTOBER!!" It will be worth it. The keynote speaker is Nancy Guthrie, and she's the author of the Bible study I've started, "Hoping for Something Better." I read her first book, "Holding on to Hope," last year. It's a loose study on the book of Job. It's her heart wrenching story of love and loss. I'm not going to share it here, but believe me you will be blessed by reading it. This second book is more of a true Bible study that goes deeper and makes me think harder than anything has for me in a long time.

Nancy spoke right to my heart last week in chapter one when she said this,

"Sometimes our feelings may tell us that God is silent. But when we complain that God is silent, when we're straining to hear the voice of God, what we are really saying is that we exhausted this final decisive Word he has spoken to us in the person of Jesus and in the pages of Scripture. It's as if we are saying the Bible has nothing further to say to us, that we've seen all there is to see in Jesus and heard all there is to hear in the gospel, that it has no power to speak into our current situations."

WOW! Is this what I'm saying? Certainly not intellectually or consciously, but when I think about it, that is exactly what my attitude is saying. I've heard so many people say over the years that God has been silent in their life for a certain period of time that it just seems to be a normal thing. But thinking about it this way makes sense. We have God's word that is living and active and able to speak to us every time we read it. We have a God who is waiting anxiously to hear from us, to answer our call, to comfort us in our sorrow. How could I think he's silent? It's not him. It's me.

In this time of "silence" I have been waiting. Some of you know about this. Others don't. I've shared a little on here, but I know it's been vague. I haven't been ready for a bombardment of questions in my life so I just share basic, vague information about what's going on. But I'm still waiting. I've felt like my life was on hold for months--not knowing what to plan for, how involved to be in activities, how to live day by day not knowing what the future holds. I try. I really do. And most of the time I do a pretty good job of it. I do put my trust in the Lord. I do put my hope in him. He is my rock and fortress. I know these things, and I cling to them. I cling to his promise to never leave me or forsake me. And I remember my blessings and how amazingly blessed I am. I remember that things could be so much worse. I remember that we have our health and that my husband and my children know Jesus. What more could I really be concerned about? And yet I am. I don't like living in uncertainty. I don't know many people who do. I happen to be perfectly fine with change. I am really okay with the thought of moving. I wasn't three months ago. But I am now. I'm okay with new friends, new church, new town, total strangers, etc. I can get pretty excited about newness actually, but it's the "not knowing" that makes it hard. It's the "not knowing" where we're going (or even if we're going.) If we do go, will there be a good church and will there be any sort of homeschooling community? Will there be good friends for my children?  These things keep me in constant communion with my Father in heaven--continually giving it to him. And maybe that's the point anyway.....

But I'd like to share something with you that I learned this week through this study. The study is on the book of Hebrews. It's all about Jesus. Really. And it's teaching us that it truly is ALL ABOUT JESUS. What does this look like really? What does this look like in our life? So we are looking at Jesus. Hebrews 2: 17 says,

"Therefore [Jesus] had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God..."

Who are his brothers? We are! In verse 11 the author of Hebrews tells us that Jesus "is not ashamed to call [us] brothers." So Jesus was human, flesh and blood. This is really nothing new to most of us in the Christian faith. We also know that he was tempted as we are, and he went through every human emotion that we do. We know that he was made like us so that "he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God" just as this verse says. He is a perfect mediator. How could he do that if he hadn't been through it?? But sometimes this all stays as head knowledge. It does for me anyway until God brings me to the point where I'm digging so hard that I have to see it.

But in thinking through this concept this week, it hit me. Jesus was 30 years old when he started his ministry. He was 12 when he first went to the temple and impressed the socks off the Jewish rabbis. He knew at that point that he was God. Whether he knew before then (humanly speaking) is debatable and there are many different ideas about that. But it really doesn't matter. The Bible is silent about Jesus' life on earth from the time he was 12 years old until he was 30. Did he live through those years or did he just skip them? Stupid question, right? Of course he lived them. And during those years he experienced all the things that normal teenagers experience and then all the things that normal twenty-somethings experience. All the while, he knew he was the savior. He knew God had a plan for his life. He knew the will of his Father. What he didn't know was "when" that would happen. Could he have saved the world at 13? Probably. Could he have done it at 18 or 25? I'm sure he could have. But God had him wait for 18 years. So Jesus knew what it was like to wait.

This gives me comfort. Jesus knows. Jesus understands. Jesus is at God's right hand telling him exactly what I need because he's been there. He's done that. I can rest in this knowledge. Oh, my glorious Jesus knows and cares and mediates for me.

Does it make it easier to wait? For now it does. While I keep an eternal perspective it does. When I lose that (which I'm sure will happen from time to time) I will probably worry again. I'm human. I'm fallen. I'm nowhere close to the perfection that God is sanctifying me for. But I have truth to fall back on. I have God's word that is never silent, always living, and always able to speak to every situation I will ever encounter. That's the word of the amazing, living God of the universe that we serve.

Raw "dessert"

I made some raw cookies yesterday in the dehydrator. I got this dehydrator a few months ago and posted once on here about the fruit leathers we made. They weren't such a huge success because they were very tart. I guess I need to work on the sweetness without sugar!! But yesterday I wanted to try some cookies in the dehydrator. They are so yummy and healthy all at the same time. The kids love them!! And I can even give them to Cedar knowing that they are good for him--full of live enzymes.  I forgot to take pictures until I spread the mixture out on the paraflexx sheet so sorry. And, I never measure so sorry about that as well!!

Ingredients:

Sesame seeds

raw coconut

raw dates

I probably used about 1/2 cup of sesame seeds (maybe a little less) and soaked them in water (just enough to cover them) for about 2-3 hours. Sesame seeds don't get "gelatiny" in water the way flax seeds do but the water make them "sprouted" and keep them a little sticky. Spoon the sesame seeds out into a food processor, add coconut (maybe 1/4 cup?) and about 6 big dates. Add some water from the sesame seeds as needed to keep mixture moist and sticking together. Process until everything is mixed well. The only thing I'll do differently next time is probably make the dates into a "paste" in the vitamix first. The food processor left bigger chunks than I wanted, and even though the taste was even, I'd like for there to be a more even look to it--just aesthetically speaking.

Then I spread the mixture out on a "Paraflexx" sheet for the dehydrator.

Then I scored it with a knife into squares.

Then I put it in the dehydrator. Raw foods should not be cooked above 105-116 degrees (depending on who you ask.) But the air in the dehydrator can be higher than that the first couple of hours because it takes a while for it to get warmed up. So I put the temp dial on 145 degrees for about 1 1/2 hours. After that I turn it down to 105. From the charts and examples I've looked at, the temp of the food never gets above 90 degrees doing it this way--which is the important part anyway. This speeds up the process by hours depending on what you are drying. I put this in yesterday around 2:30 at 145 degrees.  After 1 1/2 hours I turned the temp to 105. I took them out last night before bed at around 11. I would have liked to have left it in another couple of hours but not all night so I decided to get it out then. The cookies are a tiny bit chewier than I would like--but I've had them that way out of the bag as well. I do like these pretty crunchy. But Breck, Cama-Jane and Cedar have loved them!! Below is my lunchtime "dessert" with almond butter and coffee!! Yummy!! Breck enjoyed them with almond butter as well, but CJ liked hers plain.

Happy Eating!!

Cedar's Birth story

*Here's my birth story. I wrote it last year about a week after he was born. It was on my doula blog so some may have read it. Cedar Knox Richards was born on June 29, 2010. It was a beautiful and enjoyable (yes, I said enjoyable) home birth!!*

Let's just say first of all, I'm not a very good client of myself as a doula!! :) I tell my clients all the right stuff, but it's hard to take your own advice. I started getting very antsy and ready to have this baby about 2 weeks before this baby was due. Now, in all fairness, I have to say that most of this was due to anxiety of how big the baby was going to be. My last baby was 11 lb. 4 oz. and she had shoulder dystocia. So I didn't want this baby to get that big. Plus, my labor with my last one was 9 hours long with 2 hours of transition because of her size. I didn't want that again either!! So I talked with my midwife about some natural labor progression techniques. I used some of the ones that I have put in my blog before. I used some homeopathics, borage oil, and then castor oil. None of it worked!! That was about 3 or 4 days before my due date. My midwife said she wasn't worried about the size of the baby at that point. She did not think it was going to be nearly as big as the last. So she told me just to relax and wait. So I did....

Three days after my due date, on June 28th, I went in to my midwife's office for my scheduled appointment. I had been 4 cm, 90% effaced, at 0 station for four days now!! I had been woken up nightly with huge contractions--each time thinking "this HAS to be it" only to have them fizzle out after a few. I had had diarrhea for a couple of nights in a row as well, and I had lost my mucus plug a few days earlier. I couldn't imagine what was keeping this baby in!! I knew though that all the signs were there, and my body was ready!! After checking me, my midwife said that none of the above had changed, but really, I couldn't be much more ready!! She did say, though, as she manually felt the baby that she thought it was definitely time to get baby out. She said she estimated about 9 1/2 pounds. And although we both agreed that I could certainly handle that, we didn't want to push it any further--especially since we couldn't know for sure!! So we agreed that if nothing happened that day, she would come that night and rupture my membranes (break my water) to get the contractions really going. I obviously had some oxytocin working there to get the contractions going but just couldn't keep them strong.

All day I had regular contractions--just not really strong ones. But I knew my body was in early labor (I think it had been for a week!) So my midwife came that night around 10. Oh, I forgot to say earlier that I had tested positive for Group B Strep so I was going to have to have 2 rounds of antibiotics while in labor before the baby was born. That was a reason as well to try to "control" the labor as much as possible--to make sure I got those. If not, the baby would have had to have a blood work up afterward. I wanted to avoid that if possible. So that afternoon around 5, I went into the birth center and got my first dose of antibiotics. I got the second dose at 10 when she got to my house. She checked me and my cervix had dilated to 5 cm at that point. She felt really good about that because she said she really liked moms to be at least 5 cm if they needed their water broken. So at 10:30, she broke my water. 

Contractions still continued to feel the same but just came closer together for about an hour. I timed them for about 30 minutes just to see. They were about 4-5 minutes apart and about 1 minute long--pretty standard for knowing you are in labor. Around 11:30, I started feeling like they were getting a lot stronger. I got on the birthing ball and got my husband. He sat behind me and rubbed my back and especially my lower back. I leaned over the footboard of the bed while I swayed on the ball. His counter pressure on my lower spine really helped relieve the pain of the contractions. He HATES using oil to massage so this was a huge sacrifice for him b/c I made him use a lot! :) He did some hip squeezes and good massage for about 45 minutes. It was amazing as I was sitting on the ball, completely in tune with my body. I could feel the baby turning and descending even more. I could feel every move he made and knew that he would be making his arrival soon! Around 12:15 I sent my husband to tell my midwife that I was ready for the bathtub. Contractions were coming fast and strong. And I knew I was about 7 cm. She wanted to check my vitals first, but when I had three contractions right on top of each other she said, "Just get in!!"

The water was such a huge relief. It truly is the natural epidural for me! Once I get in, I get a break in my contractions for probably a good 7 to 8 minutes. They started back up though coming fast and strong. I couldn't get the water as high as I wanted to cover my whole abdomen so my husband poured water over my stomach over and over. That felt great, and it was so much harder during the ones where my midwife was checking the baby with the doppler and he had to stop! I was in the bathtub for probably about 30 minutes when things REALLY  started getting hard. I knew transition was coming--I just didn't know how long it would take!! Those last 2 cm are the real test of labor. I knew to just relax and surrender to what my body was doing. That's the only way. When you fight labor pains, it makes it longer and harder. So all my concentration went into relaxing every part of my body and telling myself exactly what I tell my clients--that my body is doing exactly what it's made to do, trust my body, and allow it to open up and let my baby descend out. I started to groan with my contractions, making sure that my throat was open and never closed. Your sphincters are related so when your throat is closed, your cervix has a harder time opening up. My body was shaking all over, and I knew I was in the middle of transition and the end was near. I could do this. I am strong, and my body is capable. I only had about four transitional contractions and I had to push. I told my midwife, and she had me breathe through one pushing contraction. She checked for fetal heart tones with her doppler. We both knew that I would need to get out of the tub. We didn't think that I'd have the same problem with shoulder dystocia, but we both felt better about me being in the bed--just in case. 

I stood up to get out and had another pushing contraction. I grabbed onto my husband but had to sit on the edge of the tub. I was seriously afraid that the baby was going to come out right there. I could feel the baby's head coming! I knew from previous experience that I was not going to have to push very many times to get this baby out. After that one, my husband helped me quickly to the bed, called in all the entourage of people (plus our children) who were there to witness this blessed event, and we were almost there! 

As the kids came in with their sleepy eyes and bedhead, they had many emotions. The older ones were totally excited while my five year old was a little apprehensive. I had talked to them all about it before, and they knew that they could leave if they wanted. I asked them if they wanted to stay or leave, and all of them wanted to stay. I got another urge to push and pushed the baby's head out with that one. My midwife told me that the whole head was out--which meant that there was no dystocia. I was so relieved!! I looked around at all the beautiful faces of all of my precious miracles witnessing this one, and I was overwhelmed with gratefulness. They were in awe. After a couple of minutes I gave one last huge push to get the shoulders and body out, and immediately my baby was on my chest--as pink as he could be from the beginning! It was 1:26 am--less than 3 hours after she ruptured my membranes. I didn't even think to look and see what the sex was (because we hadn't found out) until my midwife asked! :) I lifted him up and saw that my "hunch" had been right. He was indeed a boy! I announced that he was boy and then made the long awaited announcement of his name (which we had also kept a secret) "Cedar Knox Richards." He didn't scream right away, but he was breathing great. He was just peaceful and calm. His birth was amazingly quick and empowering--right in the comfort of our own home. There were 15 people in the room at the time of the birth--all people who will care for and love Cedar and be a part of his life. I couldn't ask for more for my baby--to be welcomed into this world by all this love! We all laughed and celebrated together at the miracle of another child of God.

We waited for the placenta to detach and be expelled naturally. Then we waited for the cord to stop pulsating before it was clamped. My husband cut the cord along with two of my children who wanted to "help." After drinking some orange juice and celebrating, I put Cedar to my breast. He immediately knew what to do, and didn't even need prompting!! He nursed for about 20 minutes on one side. I then gave him to my midwife to weigh, measure and check over. He weighed 9 lb. 9 0z. and was 20 1/2 in. I'd say my midwife is a pretty good estimator of weight!! :) She gave him back, and he nursed on the other side for another 20 minutes or so. 

This is one of the many reasons I love homebirth!! Maybe if I could get the hospitals to add king size
beds in the delivery rooms to accommodate my amazing kids after the birth, I might
consider birthing there!! :) No, not really!

Eventually, the room cleared, and my husband and I were left with our precious miracle. It was about  3:45 am at that point. My husband was exhausted, but I had that adrenaline rush that wouldn't let me sleep!! I spent most of the night staring at my new bundle. I went to sleep around 5:30 I think.

I'm still in awe of how God has blessed my life with all six of these amazing miracles. Motherhood is an overwhelming joy and an overwhelming job! It's my privilege and joy to be able to help other women as they enter this sacred calling.