How many is "too many"?

Everyone has a different answer, I'm sure. For some, two is perfect. For others, they only want one or maybe they want to break the status quo and go with three or even four. And then there are those crazy few who want five, six or even more. So how many is "too many" for you?

If you haven't guessed by now, I'm talking about children. Those precious little blessings that enrich our lives in every way imaginable. Don't worry. This isn't going to be a long diatribe about birth control or letting God have control of your fertility--although I do have a pretty firm view on both of those issues.  I am writing this post in hopes of helping some family--maybe even just one--before it's too late.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about our eight month old and how different it is this time around. I've been thinking about how having another one wouldn't be so hard. It really is true what they say--the more you have, the easier it gets.

I say that to reinforce the truth in it. I know many couples who have three or four little ones, and they feel like they are drowning. It's so hard to see past the diapers, feedings, constant discipline, endless laundry, and no time together as a couple. They think, "We can't do this again. It's too much!!" So they take their fertility into their own hands, and make the decision to permanently cut off any future offspring. I've heard them say, "If God really wants us to have another one, we know he can give it to us. A vasectomy isn't going to stop Him." But God doesn't usually work that way. If we ask for blessings to be cut off from us, that's usually what's going to happen.

Now, a few years later, I'm hearing those same couples lamenting that decision. Mommies are longing for another baby in their arms. They are realizing that things wouldn't be so hard this time around. Things change. Children grow up. They don't stay in diapers forever. They don't need our constant attention for too long. And if we are doing our jobs, even a little, they are learning some responsibility and what it means to help out as part of a family.

Secondly, children looooove babies. I hear it ALL the time--children begging their parents to have more siblings for them! My kids just assume that there will be another baby. They talk about him/her usually on a daily basis as if it's just a given that there will be another one. Once children get old enough to feel this way about new babies, they are old enough to be a huge help with that same baby.

It took me until this baby, my 6th one, to see this. I had heard it from others as well. But the difference between the job of taking care of my 5th and the job of taking care of this one is vast. I marvel at how much help my children are. They are in love with this precious little brother! They "ooo" and "goo" over him constantly! He lights up when they are around. The girls use him as their real life baby doll to play house so that I can clean the kitchen, get schoolwork done with another child, or do whatever else needs to be done. Or if I'm lucky, they will clean the kitchen, do the laundry or whatever else while I get to play with the baby! :) My oldest girl is just turning nine this weekend, and let's be honest--they are usually the ones who help out the most in the domestic areas anyway. So while my oldest is 14, most of his expertise is spent doing the outside work, but he does help out with the baby for sure!

Yes, I'm still the one who gets up with him at night. But if I need an extra hour of sleep in the morning, there's always someone willing to get up and play with him so that I can get it. They change diapers, dress him, love to feed him his solid food, and entertain him all day long!

All of this makes this Mama heart of mine soar! Babies bring families together! What could bring the same amount of joy other than this pure innocence and newness of life?

I say all this to encourage moms and dads of lots of little ones to please wait! Wait before doing something permanent that you may regret later. I'm not telling you to throw caution to the wind and have a baby every year (although if you breastfeed on demand for at least a year your chances of doing that are VERY unlikely.) I'm just saying, don't do anything permanent. If you have a few little ones and things seem crazy, I completely understand your pain. When I had my 4th, I had three children under three years old and an 8 year old that I was homeschooling!! Within five minutes of her birth my prayer was, "Lord, please just give me 2 1/2 years before the next one." We never 'tried' for a number five, but she was born exactly--to the month--2 1/2 years later!! Is God awesome or what?? When we trust Him and His timing, we know that He will give us exactly what we need. I didn't give God a time frame for the next one. I didn't really think I'd have anymore (that's what my husband said anyway.) But God had other plans, and I'm so glad He did. Three years later our little Cedar was born. Our family would have missed out on so much joy that Cedar has brought to us! I'm so glad that we didn't do anything permanent--and we still won't.

My girls are learning first hand how to be Mamas. They are learning how to run a house, school children, and take care of a baby all at the same time. No, things aren't perfect. Our house is no where CLOSE to perfect!! But that's not the priority right now. Yes, I wish I were better at teaching them that. I wish I was more disciplined in that area so that they had a better example. I'm working on that with lots of prayer and practice!! But they do see that it can be done and done happily (usually.) And at the end of the day when Daddy comes home, they see an example of how to be a wife as well. Once again, not always perfectly but they see it coming from a heart that wants to serve.

I don't say any of this to toot my own horn. I promise--no horn tooting here!! My husband and I struggle with our decision to let God have the reigns in the area of our fertility after every baby. I hate being pregnant!! I struggle with losing weight after the birth. I do sometimes think how nice it would be to just pick up and go away with him for the weekend. He worries about finances. He stresses about time to spend with them. We both think about the fact that we are getting older with every baby!! I was 23 with my first, and I was 36 when this one was born! But in the end, we both rest assured knowing that He's in control.

If you know me, you know that I struggled with infertility for five years between my 1st and 2nd child. I've often said that God kept me from having babies to put my on my knees, and now he continues to give them to me to keep me on my knees!! God knows this Mama's heart. He knows that I'm a pretty strong lady, and it could get easy for me to think that I was doing things on my own!! I think He gives me these precious little ones to be my constant reminder that His grace is the ONLY way I can do it!

So don't sell yourself short. Don't miss out on the opportunity to give yourself and your kids more of the greatest blessings you could ever know!! And if you have already done something permanent--there's always adoption. Expensive? Yes. But pray about it. If God gives you the heart, He will provide the way.